Hello Madison19. Just some thoughts, not answers.
Why am I waffling?
Because you are a genuinely nice person who cares about another human being. It's natural to feel discomfort.
The fundamental thing to recall is that you are taking steps for your well-being. You are acting because something about the relationship is contradicting your authentic self. You ought to be free to express yourself, rather than repress in silence. Agree?
Now, I'm almost feeling sorry for her. UGH! I'm wondering if I try and have a conversation with her about what's happening will she be eager and relieved to talk to me or view my attempt as weak and exploit the situation even more?
Here's the challenge with trying to get her to understand: whatever you say may, and might well be, held against you. You could simplify to say, "I'm sad we don't talk anymore, and I need a change." Not sure what response you'll get.
Why can't I just walk away from this pain? I need to walk away! The pain of staying is immense and now I'm already feeling the guilt of leaving!
I'm so STUCK... .i feel like I have blocks of cement on my feet!
Be kind to yourself, my friend. None of this is easy. Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (the "FOG" is real. Have you read this?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.20
