sharing the possibility of wife having BPD with my children or her close family

[byfaith]

I shared with  two of my daughters that my wife probably suffers with BPD. My daughters do not live with us and they are from my first marriage. It was to explain some of the erratic behavior and emails that were sent. To me in hindsight it was not a good idea. My thinking was that they would have more compassion. To a level they have but I have no idea if they have shared this information with anyone else that would use it against my wife down the road. It could be devastating to my wife.

In a very compassionate way I shared with my wife one time that BPD is maybe what she suffers with, that was seven months ago. She quietly said "Well now I know what is wrong with me" that was the last time we ever discussed this. She did ask me to promise not to share this with my daughters but I had already talked to my daughters about it. I am just trusting that no matter how upset my kids ever get they will not use that.

I have also thought of sharing it with my mother in law. I just don't feel that would be wise. I don't want to burden her with it, she has been through enough in her life. I feel like I need to speak with someone in her family.

Has anyone trusted a family member only to have it cause more problems?

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[bobcat2014]

I want to see this answered myself. With me... .I am in the same boat. Nobody knows.

There are several outcomes that could come with letting the cat out of the bag with telling her about BPD.

She could be triggered and split you black for confirming that she is "defective".

She could use BPD as an excuse to further her behavior and not seek help.

She could understand that something is off and be relieved that there is an answer for her emotional state of mind.

My advice is to let this ride if you just discovered she has BPD. Like I said, I have known about BPD for only 3 months and learning to "speak" the language in hopes of smoothing out our life together.

Take care:)