How long should I tolerate the silent treatment?

[EaglesJuju]

LOVE is a MOST peculiar thing. Some of us, will always try to sort things out to the bitter end. Others not.

At this stage, I don't think that love is stronger than BPD. I feel it's NO CONTEST.

You know, I've found out that we all have some of these different personality disorders and / or  traits, to varying degrees.

Some within the norm, some not. Every single one of us. Sorry to say, but it's true.

We speak mainly of BPD and NPD and one or two others. But there are others such as paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, antisocial, histrionic, avoidant, dependent, obsessive-compulsive and some others.

Interpreting them correctly is vital and critical in finding a solution. So for instance, if you or your partner, have one or even more than one of them together, and you don't know which one or more,  or deny that you have anything wrong, but in actual fact you do, the problem will NEVER be resolved.

It's NOT possible to sort something out, if you don't actually know, WHAT it is, you are trying to sort out, when it comes to these disorders.

And my own experience and what I've learnt on this site and others, shows that those with these disorders will DENY that there's anything wrong. It's one of their main DEFENCE mechanisms. So how do you resolve - DENIAL.

So for instance, if one classifies oneself as antisocial, this from my learning does not mean that one is a loner. It only means that one has a tendency to be insensitive towards others. So if one knows this about oneself, how EASY is it then to work on being a little bit more sensitive to the feeling of others! IF you don't know - you can't sort anything out - IMPOSSIBLE.

Let's just take this one step further. The core issue with a pwBPD is their inability to regulate their emotions, leading to or contributing to an instability in interpersonal relationships, more than normal impulsiveness, self image problems, etc. Most experts will also add, the pwBPD terrible fear of being abandoned. Yet they could abandoned us!

If the pwBPD cannot or will not accept that they have a personality disorder - there is no way to fix or treat it. There is no miraculous cure. You have to do something to treat it. But you have to recognise and accept first. Period.

That's where my uBPDw is at the moment - Denial.

I'm basically preparing myself to leave. But this also, is very hard to do. Especially after 38 years.

   

[/quote]
This is very well stated, Lucky one. As non's, we sometimes are in denial of our own issues. You are absolutely correct, everyone has traits of PDs.  I was in denial of my dependent personality traits for a very long time. It seems that a lot of people on this site have dependent traits. Ironically, my pwBPD helped me realize that I need to work on myself.  People with BPD and PD do need to recognize and accept that they have issues that are hindering their lives and others, and seek treatment.  I believe when I took responsibility for my own problems, it helped my pwBPD become accountable for his. 

[hurting300]

I paid over one thousand dollars for tests because I thought I had "traits". I came clean at the end of testing. I was told by a psychologist that being in a relationship with somebody who has a disorder will actually change you from what you were before. This isn't your fault, you were just a normal everyday person looking for love and found it. Yes I'm one sided at times and that's wrong of me. I can't everything on her. But I can her for the mental abuse, lying, hiding facts and laziness. But... I thank her for what she's done. I'm more open and blunt now. She will not get validation from me. Ever.

[hurting300]

See, what started the whole mess is just her refusing to be honest with me. My attorneys uncovered that she and her mother have went by different names in the past. They are criminal minded... you see, she does have a mental illness fact. If you could simply read the diaries she left behind you would think your dealing with a killer. I did have some bad moments with her that's my fault really. But I hate being lied to and left in the dark. We discovered she has lived in 9 different cities, she's only 29. It's terrible. I just want to talk to her. But I've been advised by the state not to talk and to keep low. The false rape claims on exes of hers... see what I mean?

[EaglesJuju]

See, what started the whole mess is just her refusing to be honest with me. My attorneys uncovered that she and her mother have went by different names in the past. They are criminal minded... you see, she does have a mental illness fact. If you could simply read the diaries she left behind you would think your dealing with a killer. I did have some bad moments with her that's my fault really. But I hate being lied to and left in the dark. We discovered she has lived in 9 different cities, she's only 29. It's terrible. I just want to talk to her. But I've been advised by the state not to talk and to keep low. The false rape claims on exes of hers... see what I mean?

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It seems that she has a lot of ASPD traits. I think it is very wise that you are protecting yourself.  I applaud you for coping with such a difficult situation.

[hurting300]

Well the records we got our hands on suggested she has overlapping aspd. She's not a typical case by no means... she is calm and stealthy.