uBPD husband and dBPD daughter align in custody battle.

[nona]

d11 has chosen to align with UBPDAD in Custody battle.

suddenly my child who was always a bit different than all my other children, all other children I have ever known or dealt with.

I now experience the exact same blaming rages from D11 that  I lived with from her father for 13 years.

There comes a point after living with the behaviors for 13 years, convincing noone but my closest friends who finally saw a year of behaviors. I KNOW EX HAS IT.

Now I am going through the same thing with my D11.

None of my normal parenting tools I use with neurotypicals work with this child, never has.

the only things that seem to work are the tricks for BPD's

I am in a CUSTODY suit, fighting against 2 BPD's now.

child painted me black.

I have a hunch this is more than parental alienation.

You now how hard a diagnosis is.

Do I just let it play out?

I feel so powerless.

He is a doctor in control of the whole town.

He has me ostracized. town, church and family.

I do have a lawyer  that alone is a miracle at this point.

I am getting a new level of compassion for myself that I even made it this far.

I have been living in isolation with 2 BPDs undiagnosed, managing everything, and being blamed for all bad and invented.

and I am still alive.

but no quality of life to mention.

d11 and UBPDX are aligned in the custody battle against me.

dunno what to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

dear nona

How sorry I am you are struggling through this custody battle. I can feel your frustration in your post. Have you look on the family law and divorce board? I think you can get some very good advise there. You are not alone with your battle... .hang in there

[HealingSpirit]

Dear Nona,

You poor thing!  ((BIG HUG))    I am so sorry to hear you're going through such a terrible, frightening custody battle with your BPDex and BPDD11.  

My DD17 also has BPD, but thankfully, DH & I are not getting divorced.  I wish I had words of wisdom to share with you that could help you with your legal battle!  I just wanted you to know you're not alone here on the parenting board.  I hope the comfort of knowing you're not alone helps you in some small way.  You can come here and vent with us anytime!

I agree with Jellibeans though, that the legal board may better serve you at the moment.  I was trying to post a direct link to that board for you, but I'm having technical difficulties at the moment.  You can find it if you go to the main screen and click "BOARDS" then scroll down until you see, "[L3] Family Law, Divorce, and Custody."  Perhaps some of the other parents on that board can give you the guidance you seek.

I don't know if you've had a chance to look at any of the Tools and Lessons to the right of the Parenting Board.  I do still highly recommend those tools, especially the ones about Validation and Listening with S.E.T. (sympathy, empathy, truth).  They have really helped me with my BPDD17. Perhaps if you consistently use those tools with your BPDex and your BPDD11, you will be able to take control of the things you can by not making things any worse.   Poor Nona!  I am sorry you're in such a horrible, scary situation.  

Hang in there and let us know how things progress.  I'll be prayin' for you!

[nona]

thanks you.

d dropped by yesterday for some things.

I am 2 blocks from BPDAD.

She told me she does not want to talk to me. she will not be coming to my house as the custody agreement says.

she will be going to Soa nd so's house until exchange time.

at one point she came close leaned into me and allowed herself to receive 2 hugs and then a few more damning sentences and she was off !

I have her next week for my visitation, and so dont know what to expect.

I see a new lawyer, and have a dilemma.

I am considering a move ... or should I say it looks s though the universe/circumstances are forcing a move. Im going to start a new thread... .on my decision. neeed thoughts.

[PyneappleDays]

Hugs

I feel so sorry for you.  As I said this is like looking in my rear view mirror.

Honestly looking back I wish I knew then that I do now.  Unless you have financial resources and the backing of a RTC, you’re fighting an uphill battle.  I don't want to discourage you I don't.  Just that, you need to reserve some of your energy and spend where you needed.

If they are aligning you can’t intervene.  They’ll turn it around and make it look like you need a doctor and you will because you’ll be exhausted.

You need to take care of yourself.  Are you seeing a councillor to deal with all this?  What’s your to go when your stressed?  Mine is hiking anything outdoors with my dog.

It’s horrible but they do it to themselves.  Standing by is a nightmare.  For years I kept saying she’s too young to be given up on and to make these decisions but he was right there saying it for her.

The courts did nothing.  I’m surprised I’m not in a nut house.  The only thing that got me through it was having councillors and doctors as friends they heard enough and my outlet (hiking).  I got a lot of wine.

I’ve always said “Childhood is what up live through good or bad, but as an adult you make your choices” There’s no excuse. 

Good luck.