Don't know what to do

[Miss Topaz]

Hey,

I have been on the staying board for a while.

Two weeks ago I organised a surprise graduation dinner for my BPDbf. It went perfectly. Until the end where he got into an argument with his cousin because of something I let slip. My apology wasn't enough, I was blamed, insulted and dumped. I was all over the staying board, so desperate. Then we spoke on the phone for hours and he had me believing that maybe it wasn't just BPD maybe he really was done with me. Two days after that he texted me to say 'I will always be grateful/you are a wonderful person... .blah blah I just don't have the energy to love you' and I accepted it. Simply telling him that he had broken my heart.

It was in saying that he made a U Turn.

The past week he has reached out for help,he is doing e-mail counselling and calling helplines and following useful people on social media. However he has not managed to secure a medical appointment or gotten onto a DBT course yet. He says he wants to change now, that breaking my heart has been a watershed moment and all this other earnest and romantic stuff. I said I will meet him face to face next week and when we talk then I will say if I want to take him back.

The problem is I am so tired. A part of me can't believe I am contemplating leaving him when he has FINALLY sought help. I feel stupid for considering it.

Another part is angry it has taken almost a full year since he was diagnosed for him to get help,for anything to change. That I didn't walk earlier. That maybe I don't want to be around as he gets better and have to support him in the early period where he will no doubt split me again.

I kinda hope he keeps pushing to improve  and maybe in 3-6 months we can reconcile when he has  improved but my friend has warned me this is wishful thinking and he could move on and stop fighting for me and I could lose my best friend for good because I can't forgive him now.

It is weird because I was so desperate for a reconciliation but now even though he has made all the moves I wanted I realised I have taken so much of what he has said to heart and I am tired.

What should I do?

Sorry it was so long. Thanks for reading.

[pavilion]

Hi! Your post is similar to mine which I just posted. My BPD partner moved out a month ago and I feel as though I have lost any heart to be in the relationship. He too has apparently made a U-turn and is telling me that he is "better". I did point out that you can't be better from reading a book in a month. I have told him that I don't have that feeling that I used to have for him anymore. I respect him and love him and want the best for him but I don't think the best for him is being with me. I feel I am enabling him if I were to invest more into this relationship. In theory I know that it's not a healthy relationship and never will be but I still feel that pull to be with him. I have had 3 texts today practically begging me to love him. He really doesn't get it, you can't force that attraction can you?

[Miss Topaz]

Hey


Thanks for responding Pavillion.

the difference with me is that I do love him still. that;s what's making this so hard. I am just tired. I feel with you, if you no longer love him you should stay strong and not get back with him because that pull to be with him is not enough. I agree your partner doesn't get that you can't force attraction.

I, on the other hand, need to know if I am doing the right thing or if I am being harsh not giving him another chance. Also am I being naive that we could reconnect in the future when he is further down the line in recovery?

[pavilion]

Oh I do love him. I love him so much and, maybe stupidly, there will always be a place in my heart for him but something within me was crying out to not keep going back. Right now, having ended it today and been cut off bluntly with a "goodbye", I could quite easily have a change of heart. I don't know because I'm not out the other side of this yet but from what others say it is a lifetime of heartache if you stay. I am hoping that my bf (not ready to say ex yet) continues to seek help like he said he would but I wonder if he was paying lip service in order to give me hope. If he sought help and really changed then I could see myself going back but I'm not waiting around.

Maybe we are being naïve in thinking a reconnection is possible. How many times have you broken up?

[Miss Topaz]

Wow we really do feel the same way now you have elaborated.


We have broken up over six times in the past year. The past few months it has been ridiculous. However when we 'break up' it usually involves silent treatment from him, him blocking me on the phone and social media and me having to turn up at his house or occasionally an all night chat on the phone to bring him round, say 'sorry' etc. It is usually resolved within a week. It is only ever resolved with me begging him.

This time is different because it has been over two weeks now and we haven;t seen each other because a week in it was me who was deciding whether to end it for good.

Oh I do love him. I love him so much and, maybe stupidly, there will always be a place in my heart for him but something within me was crying out to not keep going back.

Maybe we are being naïve in thinking a reconnection is possible. How many times have you broken up?

Maybe we are naive hoping for a reconciliation. That is what scares me. The thought that this may truly be final. He may forget about me quicker than I do him.

However I don't have the strength to be with him when he is not in serious recovery and this lifetime of pain is not what I want either.

I too love him desperately, I don't know if I will be able to go through with it when I see him.

I just want to stop feeling so stupid for deciding to end this.

[pavilion]

It's agony isn't it. As an outsider it sounds as though you are definitely doing the right thing. The same cycle will keep repeating itself unless something significant changes for him and that isn't going to happen within the next couple of months! Learning to live with BPD takes a long time. It is a process of re-wiring the brain.

My bf had been reading a DBT book and telling me all the right things about his new coping strategies but when it came down to it the behaviours would still be evident. For instance I went to his flat (after he'd moved out) and said in a light hearted manner "you are naturally quite a messy person aren't you", I was then given the silent treatment all evening and told that I was picking on him etc. etc.

If you are anything like me you will be feeling that you cannot grow as an individual with him around because you are constantly on guard and trying to work out how best to keep the peace as best you can.

It is really important to look at your own process within this too. What is it that keeps you going back? What were you getting out of the relationship? For me it was most certainly a sense of feeling very special and loved (at times!), THE most important person in the world. I never felt this as a child and it feels great but they pay off was too big. What would it be like for you to be single?

If you are interested in the psychology of the drama that goes on Google Karpman Drama triangle. It is very apt for BPD relationships.

I'm off to family for the day today but will check in later. x

[Sugarlily]

Hi Pavilion and Miss Topaz,

I share what you are going through but a bit further down the line. I too love my bf loads, yet at the same time feel his actions and behaviour are damaging to me and often I long for a healthy relationship.

My bf has tried really hard and that makes me feel guilty and stupid for giving up on him too. I worry that I will let him go just at the point where he is able to make real and important changes, yet at the same time where he is now isn't enough for me.

He has been through a year of therapy, various healing residentials and two different types of medication. During that time he has learnt new strategies, made loads of progress, worked hard to try to do some of things I have asked of him.

However, he is becoming increasingly critical (passive aggressively) and sometimes manipulates situations so that we will argue as I think this gives him release.

I too have been in therapy and discovered lots of my issues, however as I face these and become healthier myself I find I am less able to deal with the criticism and manipulation. Also I make links to my own family situation.

I want to be able to offer a constant unconditional love, but not at the expense of my own well being.

[Miss Topaz]

It's agony isn't it. As an outsider it sounds as though you are definitely doing the right thing. The same cycle will keep repeating itself unless something significant changes for him and that isn't going to happen within the next couple of months! Learning to live with BPD takes a long time. It is a process of re-wiring the brain.

If you are anything like me you will be feeling that you cannot grow as an individual with him around because you are constantly on guard and trying to work out how best to keep the peace as best you can.

It is really important to look at your own process within this too. What is it that keeps you going back? What were you getting out of the relationship? For me it was most certainly a sense of feeling very special and loved (at times!), THE most important person in the world. I never felt this as a child and it feels great but they pay off was too big. What would it be like for you to be single?

If you are interested in the psychology of the drama that goes on Google Karpman Drama triangle. It is very apt for BPD relationships.

I'm off to family for the day today but will check in later. x

He was my best friend for over a year before we got together and he is good at supporting me through tough times in addition to sometimes making me feel very special. However, I have never not felt like the love was lopsided (Me loving and giving more) and that has done a number on my self esteem.

I have never heard of Karpman I will google it.

Hi Pavilion and Miss Topaz,

I share what you are going through but a bit further down the line. I too love my bf loads, yet at the same time feel his actions and behaviour are damaging to me and often I long for a healthy relationship.

My bf has tried really hard and that makes me feel guilty and stupid for giving up on him too. I worry that I will let him go just at the point where he is able to make real and important changes, yet at the same time where he is now isn't enough for me.

He has been through a year of therapy, various healing residentials and two different types of medication. During that time he has learnt new strategies, made loads of progress, worked hard to try to do some of things I have asked of him.

However, he is becoming increasingly critical (passive aggressively) and sometimes manipulates situations so that we will argue as I think this gives him release.

I too have been in therapy and discovered lots of my issues, however as I face these and become healthier myself I find I am less able to deal with the criticism and manipulation. Also I make links to my own family situation.

I want to be able to offer a constant unconditional love, but not at the expense of my own well being.

First thanks for joining the discussion and adding another perspective.

Your post is warning to me that it will take longer than I think to get better and a bit sad for me. I too don;t want to forgive him now only to feel it is not enough later.

I suppose because the majority of the relationship he has not been treated at all and he has never been treated for BPD prior to what he wants to pursue now, his improvement in 6 months or so will feel huge to me. Him choosing t open up to others again is in itself a huge deal. So a naive part of me feels I could reconnect in 6 months and feel an improvement.


The pain of ending it is hard now with all the messages I am being sent and the effort he is making with his own recovery. I feel guilty and also so silly. But the clarity on the pain he has caused me is still there. I also know it will be hard to support him even in recovery like Sugarlily is. However... .it will be easier than now.

*sigh*

[Sugarlily]

Hi Miss Topaz thanks for the welcome.

Sorry to sadden you with my experience, however that isn't to say yours wouldn't be different. I think I was naive when my bf first entered therapy in that I thought it would be an overnight miracle cure. Instead it has been slow, simple steps forwards with at times huge leaps backwards.

To try and give a more realistic picture. Initially things changed minimally and my bf spent a lot of time excusing his behaviour and needing sympathy as he was just starting therapy. After a few weeks I could see lots of small improvements and that he was dealing with things much more effectively. We had 4 lovely stable months (bar a bit of depression/tearfulness from him). Following a very special holiday in Austria he decided we should just be friends then dysregulated badly. My therapist suggested a break to allow him time to self soothe and improve further, however a good long time friend of his died and I needed to be there for him. Again we had a very good 3 months, but at Easter he reduced his medication and I faced some odd delusions about blood moons, lots of push/pull behaviour and subtle passive/aggressive criticism. In the meantime I was getting healthier, dealing with some of my family issues and working hard at my new job so really needing support. I began imagining what a more healthy relationship like the one I had hoped for when he began therapy would look like. This made me less patient with him and he is sensitive so picked up on my feelings.

It has a times be a difficult year, however nothing like as bad as the roller coaster year I had before I knew about BPD and he was in therapy/medicated. Now I can be more detached, recognise his viewpoint more and also see the improvements he is making all the time. I still find it hard to be constant for him and protect myself at the same time.

Are you intending taking a break while he undergoes improvements? My therapist and sister (she is a psychologist and first suggested BPD) both highly recommended this. Do you have a therapist of your own? I wouldn't have been able to be with my bf without mine and the support of my sister.

[pavilion]

Hi Sugarlily and Miss Topaz. Well my now ex bf did a U-turn yesterday and decided he does want to stay friends. This came with a barrage of words telling me that I am giving up too easily. I'm not sure if the U-turn is an attempt to stay and try and rekindle the romance. 

Believe it or not I am a psychotherapist and didn't see it coming when I first met him! Once you are in love it is very difficult to extract yourself. The man I fell in love with is not the man I know now. I know that you never see a person fully when clouded by lust and romance but this is different.

I don't think you will ever have a healthy relationship with someone with BPD. It seems you either have to accept that you will need to live with the condition and the hurt it brings whilst enjoying the good times or move one.

[Sugarlily]

Hi Pavilion,

My bf always wants to stay friends, this usually happens as a way not be abandoned by me but leads to attempts to recycle. Are you firm in your choice to let him go?

[pavilion]

Hi Sugarlily. Yes, I am now sure that I have made the right decision but I still feel a part of me yearns for him and I believe that he will attempt to recycle.

[Sugarlily]

Look after yourself during the friends recycle. Before I knew about BPD I broke up with my bf quite determined to go NC. After learning about BPD and talking to my sister who is a psychologist, I agreed to be friends as it seemed to be the right thing to do. It was the hardest time in all the time I have known him. I ended up in endless cyclic conversations as he tried to reconnect, spent lots of times implementing boundaries as he crossed the friendship mark and endured lots of guilt about how lonely and depressed he was without me. Do you have a good support network who can help you through this and help you to be strong?

[pavilion]

Thank you for the warning Sugarlily. I just met up with him (yes, I needed a fix) for a short dog walk along the beach and he tried to kiss me. I guess he is trying to blur the boundaries.  I feel very supported and understood since being on here. I have just read a post which is on page 3 of this board from someone who has come out the other side of a BPD relationship and is in a healthy loving relationship (see 6 years since last post).

[Sugarlily]

Well done with the walk and keeping. That was the kind of thing I meant about blurring the friendship boundaries, that has been my experience. Sounds like you did well and tend to buckle after a couple of weeks of blurring.

I remember reading that post it was very encouraging and keeps me thinking about being able to move on in the future. That and knowing that my bf exs are now in happy, settled stable relationships and that they got through all of this.

[Miss Topaz]

Hey guys

Thanks for continuing to post.

It has been really interesting to see where u two are at.

It has a times be a difficult year, however nothing like as bad as the roller coaster year I had before I knew about BPD and he was in therapy/medicated. Now I can be more detached, recognise his viewpoint more and also see the improvements he is making all the time. I still find it hard to be constant for him and protect myself at the same time.

Are you intending taking a break while he undergoes improvements? My therapist and sister (she is a psychologist and first suggested BPD) both highly recommended this. Do you have a therapist of your own? I wouldn't have been able to be with my bf without mine and the support of my sister.

I feel guilty because the former is what I used to hope and pray for- he gets help and the roller coaster slows down, and I will see improvements and learn to detach better. But I have never been great at detaching. I am only ok at it when he is really low. This is why I feel so tired cos now I have reached this impasse that I wasn't expecting I feel I lack the energy to do that at the moment.

I feel I want a break in that I hope to reconnect in a few months perhaps. i don''t know if he will see that as reasonable though.

In reading about Pavillion and the friendship situation I don't know what to think really. I would ideally live to keep the lines of communication open but I don't think he will want that if I tell him on Monday I am definitely not getting back with him. i can also see how the friendship lines could get blurred.

What do you t hink about me writing an honest letter to read to him when we meet?

[pavilion]

What do you t hink about me writing an honest letter to read to him when we meet?[/quote]
I think a letter would be good but don't expect it to be heard in the same way that you have written it. I wrote to my ex what I thought was a very warm and loving letter in an attempt to convey my lack of romantic feeling yet intense love for him. I told him that I don't think that love is about attachment, sex or need but a desire to want the best for that person and to support them. He told me it was cold and confusing and that I was talking at him (something I have accused him of). At least if you right a letter you can take your time over the wording and feel that you have said what you want to say.

Last night I went to the cinema with him. As soon as I saw him I felt a pit in my stomach and I wanted to cry with sorry, guilt, pity, you name it. Why oh why do I feel such a deep urge to be with this man? Yet logically I know much of the relationship is very unhealthy. He cried all the way home because he wanted to touch me and wasn't allowed anymore. I give him his due he respected the boundary. Right now I could give in and go back to him :-(

[Sugarlily]

Hi Miss Topaz, good to see you back. Don't feel too guilty I think that is one of my issues along with too much compassion. At the moment I am hitting the same point as you and Pavilion, that I don't know if I can continue right now. My bf has gradually being reducing his medication as he looked on the internet and found his dosage was very high, now has stopped taking it at all. Also he has taken a break from therapy until September to see how things go.

While lots of aspects of our relationship remain better, he has at times been paranoid and irrational, impossible to understand and at times critical. I am struggling with this a lot.

Also last week he clearly broke up with me when he was staying at my house for some of the summer, packed his bags and left with instructions to post him anything he had left. We were due to go away together on Monday and he has spent all week texting friendly, warm messages but still indicating we are not together. I sorted other things to do as we wouldn't be going away and have arranged to spend time with my sister and nephew. Since Friday I have had upset texts from him claiming he did not end the relationship and can't understand why we are not going away on Monday. Makes me want to cry with frustration as it feels like I am back to square one before he started getting help.

Yes, Miss Topaz I think a letter is a good idea, although as Pavilion said it may be misinterpreted by him. People with BPD are hypersensitive to body language and often can see facial expressions/body language in a negative light when it is isn't intended that way. So I would give it to him rather than read it so things don't get blurred or confused.

I know you don't have long but there is a book called "Overcoming borderline personality disorder" by Valarie Porr which has tips on how to express yourself clearly in a letter and there are some examples too. Using this styles has worked about 80% of the time, however sometimes if the message isn't what my bf wants to hear he gets upset anyway.

Are you ready to take a break and look after yourself for a bit? You sound exhausted by it all.

[Sugarlily]

[quote author=pavilion link=topic=230363.msg12473871#msg12473871 date=140765785


Last night I went to the cinema with him. As soon as I saw him I felt a pit in my stomach and I wanted to cry with sorry, guilt, pity, you name it. Why oh why do I feel such a deep urge to be with this man? Yet logically I know much of the relationship is very unhealthy. He cried all the way home because he wanted to touch me and wasn't allowed anymore. I give him his due he respected the boundary. Right now I could give in and go back to him :-([/quote]
Sorry you are struggling Pavilion, I know that feeling so well. It is really hard to see someone we care about in distress and natural to feel compassion and pity. I have been there too many times feeling guilty. I think I remember reading that like me you work in a caring profession and so are hard wired to sort other people's problems and fix things. The problem is that to fix things and ease his pain might be harmful to you. Think of yourself too. Also it really hard to be firm unless you are very strong in your decision, if there is any doubt left it is so easy to so say, oh well one last try. How do you feel about being back in the relationship compared to letting that go and staying friends?

[pavilion]

Thanks Sugarlily. I am not in a place to go back to the relationship. If I did it would be half-heartedly and I would be awaiting the next fall. I wish I could just go back into it and erase all the hurt and fear so that I could take each moment as it comes. Perhaps I need a few weeks of NC and see how I feel then.

I have flash backs of times when I have triggered a rage and I have thought to myself "my god he is really ... .up. This is never going to be a healthy loving relationship. GET OUT". Why has that faded?

[Sugarlily]

Hi Pavilion, I know what you mean about sort erasing the feelings you had when things were really bad. It is very hard when someone seems to be 2 or 3 people and you are interacting with the loving person or the struggling person, then we seem to erase the angry/critical person from our minds. I find that whole aspect really hard - until it happens again. Maybe it is because the different aspects of a person with BPD are so hard to reconcile that ours minds can't cope and so we shut out the less palatable parts of them.

Are you strong enough to go NC for a time to allow yourself to see the relationship more clearly? Staying friends is really hard on both of you and he will use everything he has got to quell his abandonment fears and have you back together, which if you are still full of some doubt about leaving will be really hard to battle.

Also if you stay friends right now how will you be able to heal and make a fresh start? Holding on to a tiny possibility that the relationship might work or that you might go back may stop you doing the things you need to heal properly. I also think that with my bf that dealing with all his chaos stops me looking at myself. When I first started therapy I had broken up with him but stayed friends and dealing with the guilt and pity, his depression, his chaos and confusion all slowed my own journey down because my focus was on him.

Look after yourself and try and do something for yourself today. x

[pavilion]

Sugarlily, I have sent you a personal message in response to yours so as not to hijack Miss Topaz's post.

[Moselle]

Firstly. So sorry to hear of your pain and tiredness. I can empathise with it - it can be so draining when it dominates our lives.

I have never heard of Karpman I will google it.

Miss Topaz, can I suggest you purchase a book called "Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist. How to end the drama and get on with life". The author is Margalis Fjelstad. It covers the karpman triangle on p21,  but it also covers so much more. So much of the BPD dynamic seems to force us to focus on them. This book focusses on the non-BPD significant other and what we can do to live our lives whilst respecting the pwBPD as well.

After 14 years of marriage and 7 months of separation from my BPD spouse. This book has finally helped me accept reality and start to re-build my life, whether we stay together or not.

Ironically, giving up any hope for her changing (2 weeks ago) has actually set me free emotionally, and since I've stopped trying to "fix" her, she has actually calmed down alot. The book helped me realise that all the efforts, money, time and energy I have spent trying to help her has made absolutely no difference whatsoever. It is energy down a dark hole. That energy is best spent building our own lives, and ironically I realise it makes them take responsibility for their own problems, seeing as she can no longer rely on me to take responsibility for it.

The things we need to do are actually counter-intuitve and the book outlines that. Changing the drama triangle of rescuer, persecutor and victim to the self care triangle of setting boundaries, Letting go and rebuilding.

I have actually put my boundaries in 6 months ago, let go (2 weeks ago) and beginning to rebuild (1 week ago). Without the book I would not have made these last two steps.

All the best with your challenges. Take care

[Miss Topaz]

Thank you guys so much for all your input.

I have not minded the interaction between pavillion and sugarlily as it was identifiable and it taught me a lot.

I met up with my bf yesterday and broke it off. It was so hard, so much love and pain and tears and also guilt. I was really his rock and a part of me feels like I betrayed him leaving him ultimately for the same reason his ex did ( although I know I cared more/tried more/dealt with more).

We are however, still friends or friendly and I am now a little apprehensive of how that will work following sugarlily's post. We are friends in so far he messages me stuff he thinks I will find useful in job hunting and recreationally.  I doubt we will be calling each other, we do not follow each other on social media ( although I am still in the facebook/twitter stalking phase) and we are going to coordinate in an effort to not bump into each other at places we would once go to together (spoken word events etc- his choice).

He has actually gotten a private therapist and is attending a meet up with other BPD sufferers and is doing lots of reading and takes responsibility for his past behaviour. It is hard because this is what I wanted but I also knew it wasn't enough at this point.


I do have hope for a reconciliation in maybe six months but I do definitely see myself as single and I think I realise it could be over for good ( although he has hung onto hope that it isn't over forever).

There is a level of freedom I feel amidst the pain and regret and ache. That in itself makes me feel more guilty.


Thanks Moselle I will try and research that book.

[Moselle]

Thank you guys so much for all your input.

I have not minded the interaction between pavillion and sugarlily as it was identifiable and it taught me a lot.

I met up with my bf yesterday and broke it off. It was so hard, so much love and pain and tears and also guilt. I was really his rock and a part of me feels like I betrayed him leaving him ultimately for the same reason his ex did ( although I know I cared more/tried more/dealt with more).

We are however, still friends or friendly and I am now a little apprehensive of how that will work following sugarlily's post. We are friends in so far he messages me stuff he thinks I will find useful in job hunting and recreationally.  I doubt we will be calling each other, we do not follow each other on social media ( although I am still in the facebook/twitter stalking phase) and we are going to coordinate in an effort to not bump into each other at places we would once go to together (spoken word events etc- his choice).

He has actually gotten a private therapist and is attending a meet up with other BPD sufferers and is doing lots of reading and takes responsibility for his past behaviour. It is hard because this is what I wanted but I also knew it wasn't enough at this point.


I do have hope for a reconciliation in maybe six months but I do definitely see myself as single and I think I realise it could be over for good ( although he has hung onto hope that it isn't over forever).

There is a level of freedom I feel amidst the pain and regret and ache. That in itself makes me feel more guilty.


Thanks Moselle I will try and research that book.

Miss Topaz. You sound like a person with a very developed sense of self, and making good decisions for you. Well done!

[pavilion]

Thank you guys so much for all your input.

I have not minded the interaction between pavillion and sugarlily as it was identifiable and it taught me a lot.

I met up with my bf yesterday and broke it off. It was so hard, so much love and pain and tears and also guilt. I was really his rock and a part of me feels like I betrayed him leaving him ultimately for the same reason his ex did ( although I know I cared more/tried more/dealt with more).

We are however, still friends or friendly and I am now a little apprehensive of how that will work following sugarlily's post. We are friends in so far he messages me stuff he thinks I will find useful in job hunting and recreationally.  I doubt we will be calling each other, we do not follow each other on social media ( although I am still in the facebook/twitter stalking phase) and we are going to coordinate in an effort to not bump into each other at places we would once go to together (spoken word events etc- his choice).

He has actually gotten a private therapist and is attending a meet up with other BPD sufferers and is doing lots of reading and takes responsibility for his past behaviour. It is hard because this is what I wanted but I also knew it wasn't enough at this point.


I do have hope for a reconciliation in maybe six months but I do definitely see myself as single and I think I realise it could be over for good ( although he has hung onto hope that it isn't over forever).

There is a level of freedom I feel amidst the pain and regret and ache. That in itself makes me feel more guilty.


Thanks Moselle I will try and research that book.

Well done Miss Topaz! I am in the very same position as you right now (except he isn't getting therapy!). I am seeing him tonight as friends but feel nervous about it. I can totally relate to the sense of freedom amongst the loss. Hold onto that sense as best you can. I am trying!

[Miss Topaz]

Thank u guys!

Aww thanks Moselle, no has ever said have a 'developed sense of self' before. I don't know if it is developed enough I suppose that's why I had to leave.

Pavillion meeting up as friends... .how long has it been since u broke up?

[xxxx]

key word for me when I read all these posts... .and I go through all of them... .IF it is a BOYFRIEND or a GIRLFRIEND... .and you do not have children... .JUST GET OUT.

[pavilion]

e.Pavillion meeting up as friends... .how long has it been since u broke up?


Miss Topaz, It's only 1 week! He came over to collect some things but stayed a while. It was odd to say the least and there was an urge to be physically close to him. He had written a letter to my daughter apologising for moving in against her wishes. I hope he was being genuine.

How are you feeling today?

[Sugarlily]

Hi Miss Topaz,

Well done making a decision. How are you feeling now?

It is great that he is now undertaking therapy and working on ways to make the changes he needs. I admire you for being strong enough to make the break for your self as he works through this. In my experience when therapy begins things get worse initially as therapy can be very challenging and cause you to rethink things and face long term issues, which of course throws up lots of emotions.

I hope for you that the friendship works out. You are level headed and strong, so I am sure you'll be able to deal with the blurring of boundaries and the guilt if they come.

Good luck.