She's back to work

[maxsterling]

Well, she's devolved into vocalizing that she hates her co-workers.  I asked if she just hates the others in her grade, or all of them.  She replied "they all just seem out for themselves."  Yep, that's life (of course I didn't say that!).  This morning, she learned a co-worker had called in sick, and was mad, saying "She's not sick, I should be the one calling in sick!  I feel like calling in now!"  Sick=too stressed out.  She can always find something wrong with her, and with me just being sick, she wants to be sick so she can stay home with me.  She canceled therapy last night because she was "too sick".  Not a good sign.  Reality?  She knew I was home, would rather be home with me.  And last night she told me that she doesn't want to work anymore and doesn't want any other person in her life besides me.  She's half joking, but there is some seriousness to that because that is the way she feels.  I'd have tried working with her on that using validation, but I was half asleep. 

I prepared a breakfast for her to go this morning, because it took her an hour and a half after her alarm went off to get her out of bed.  That's probably enabling, but if I don't do that, I don't get my morning free time.

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[waverider]

Well, she's devolved into vocalizing that she hates her co-workers.  I asked if she just hates the others in her grade, or all of them.  She replied "they all just seem out for themselves."  Yep, that's life (of course I didn't say that!).  This morning, she learned a co-worker had called in sick, and was mad, saying "She's not sick, I should be the one calling in sick!  I feel like calling in now!"  Sick=too stressed out.  She can always find something wrong with her, and with me just being sick, she wants to be sick so she can stay home with me.  She canceled therapy last night because she was "too sick".  Not a good sign.  Reality?  She knew I was home, would rather be home with me.  And last night she told me that she doesn't want to work anymore and doesn't want any other person in her life besides me.  She's half joking, but there is some seriousness to that because that is the way she feels.  I'd have tried working with her on that using validation, but I was half asleep. 

I prepared a breakfast for her to go this morning, because it took her an hour and a half after her alarm went off to get her out of bed.  That's probably enabling, but if I don't do that, I don't get my morning free time.

The frustrating part is you could have written this post a week ago ready to post today.

Do you think she will get past this or crumble?

[maxsterling]

waverider - A week ago - I could have written this post a month ago.  Or several months ago.  Even more sad is that she could have predicted this several months ago.  Patterns are patterns.  This is what happened with her last job.  And the one before that.  And the one before that... .

Will she get past this or crumble?  Odds strongly favor crumble.  Can she get past this? Absolutely.  She's still doing much better with this job than she did at the last two after the same period of employment.  After two weeks at the previous jobs, she had NOTHING positive to say.

I still think that if I can help her get through the first two months, she will settle down.  I think some of her past failures had to do with her having no support or no reason to try (improving herself for her own sake is not a motivating factor for her). But I think to get her through means she can't give up on therapies, which she has started to do .  We'll see if she actually goes to the doctor and group therapy tonight. 

[maxsterling]

Well, I halfway expected this to be the breakdown day considering her attitude last night and this morning.  She just called to tell me she isn't going to group therapy tonight.  That's a bad sign - but, she was in a decent mood when she called, and said she just got out of the doctors office where she was prescribed both an anti-anxiety and an anti-depressant.  That's a good thing.  not that she hasn't gone that route before, but she quit antidepressants a few months ago, and is not trying them again based upon the urging of our T.  That means, she isn't giving up.  I'm a little worried about the anti-anxiety given her history of drug abuse and her involvement in 12-step programs whose members tend to get in each other's business and may convince her to stop her meds.  Then again, her anxiety is crippling, and makes her effectively low functioning, both in the relationship and in life.  So she needs something. 

BTW, she's not going to group because she said the dr appointment ran late.  She had enough time to go to group if she really wanted to, but I guess it was not that important.

[maxsterling]

Well, she was in an okay mood after work.  She was kinda annoyed that I was still feeling ill and out of it.  Not much I can do about that.  I do wish she would recognize I am not feeling well and do a little to take care of me.  Such as - not asking me questions about things that are really unimportant for today, taking care of herself regarding her own dietary needs, and not complaining about things.  Probably should not expect much from a pwBPD, and just be thankful she is not screaming at me for being sick this time. 

On the job front, a student's parents came to talk to her after school because the student had complained to his parents that she had screamed in class and that upset him.  The student was crying.  My fiance talked to the parents and the student and calmed them down, saying that sometimes she raises her voice when kids are acting out but she doesn't hate them or think they are bad kids.  She had complaints like this at her last job.  And firsthand I know how scary her raised voice is.  So I don't doubt that she scared and upset the student.  My fiance doesn't realize how hurtful she is being with just her "raised voice", because most people would think that was full blown yelling.  And her screaming is enough to make your ears ring in pain for several days.  I know.   

[waverider]

On the job front, a student's parents came to talk to her after school because the student had complained to his parents that she had screamed in class and that upset him.  The student was crying.  My fiance talked to the parents and the student and calmed them down, saying that sometimes she raises her voice when kids are acting out but she doesn't hate them or think they are bad kids.  She had complaints like this at her last job.  And firsthand I know how scary her raised voice is.  So I don't doubt that she scared and upset the student.  My fiance doesn't realize how hurtful she is being with just her "raised voice", because most people would think that was full blown yelling.  And her screaming is enough to make your ears ring in pain for several days.  I know.   

I can see how difficulties with moderation and regulation can be a serious problem in the teaching profession. Kids will pick up on that and reputation for it will quickly spread