She Cheated Again, We Separate, But...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been on this site(which is fantastic) a couple different times over the last 5 years.  It has been a roller-coaster of 16 years of marriage to my Bipolar and udBPDw. 

1. 5 years ago, my wife went through a manic state and at least emotionally cheated with a man she grew up with.  I stayed and basically assisted in getting hers/my life back together.  She never go better, she just got back on zoloft which helped keep her a little on the low end for awhile.

2. 2 years ago her dad died.  They were close and she was a wreck.  Stayed in bed at one point for 2 months.

3. 1 year ago, she said she wanted to separate, then waffled and forced me to make a decision if "I" was going to do it.  I left for 4 days and then came home.  She has never let me live it down, though may decision was made based on being tired of being emotional abused for awhile.

4. Present day - coupled with the BPD, she has been having serious manic/depressive swings for the past few months.  She started pushing me away in early June, not sleeping in our bed for 2 months.  Starting in late June, she began to prey upon a young guy not much older than my son and ended up having sex with him unbeknownst to me.  She also got a Facebook account and began talking to many people and hiding it from me, including the guy she had an affair with 5 years ago who is now married.  In mid July she told me that she wanted me to leave and us separate, she said she needed space and also that she had made some mistakes that she couldn't let go of.  She told me I am a better person than her.

I got an apartment on Aug 1.  We have 3 kids and I am just in a whirlwind right now and not sure what to think.

[yogi bear]

I have been on this site(which is fantastic) a couple different times over the last 5 years.  It has been a roller-coaster of 16 years of marriage to my Bipolar and udBPDw. 

1. 5 years ago, my wife went through a manic state and at least emotionally cheated with a man she grew up with.  I stayed and basically assisted in getting hers/my life back together.  She never go better, she just got back on zoloft which helped keep her a little on the low end for awhile.

2. 2 years ago her dad died.  They were close and she was a wreck.  Stayed in bed at one point for 2 months.

3. 1 year ago, she said she wanted to separate, then waffled and forced me to make a decision if "I" was going to do it.  I left for 4 days and then came home.  She has never let me live it down, though may decision was made based on being tired of being emotional abused for awhile.

4. Present day - coupled with the BPD, she has been having serious manic/depressive swings for the past few months.  She started pushing me away in early June, not sleeping in our bed for 2 months.  Starting in late June, she began to prey upon a young guy not much older than my son and ended up having sex with him unbeknownst to me.  She also got a Facebook account and began talking to many people and hiding it from me, including the guy she had an affair with 5 years ago who is now married.  In mid July she told me that she wanted me to leave and us separate, she said she needed space and also that she had made some mistakes that she couldn't let go of.  She told me I am a better person than her.

I got an apartment on Aug 1.  We have 3 kids and I am just in a whirlwind right now and not sure what to think.

[slimmiller]

Its hard going through this. While its tough, it DOES get better. I was in your exact spot four years ago. I also have 3 kids with her.

How are the kids? It helped me to realize that no matter what kind of Hell she put me through (and she did) in a few years its the kids that matter in my life. Losing her hurt, but Iam healing. 

Also counseling. For yourself and the kids.

Hang in there.

You deserve better

[yogi bear]

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, so that's a start.  I need some clarity on what I feel cause it is hard.  I know that I would be better off staying away for good, but I don't trust myself and am afraid I will get manipulated into going back.

I have 3 teens, oldest is a son who will be a senior in high school.  He is taking it the hardest, telling us that we are ruining his senior year.  My daughters have taken it pretty well, but I am sure it is confusing for them.

[imstronghere2]

yogi bear I'm sorry to hear you're going through what a lot of us here have already gone through.  I have 2 kids and my daughter was going into her Senior year in HS when her mother left us.  It made it VERY hard on my daughter that year but she made it, as will your son.  My kids were aware enough to realize that it was entirely their mother's fault with her decision to cheat and abandon us.  That was a hard pill for them to swallow but it is what it is and I was here to give them support.  The entire ordeal damn near killed me but I believe I am a better man now than I was.  I'm still progressing and it's slow but we somehow manage to push through it.  It's been just over 3 years since my exwBPD left.  You can be sure she will try to manipulate you IF you let her.  The only way to prevent that is to stay NC as much as you can.  Eventually the FOG will clear and you'll be powerful again and won't fall under her spell.

Good luck.