Broke NC and regretting it

[whiskey]

I've been on here quite some time ago. Finally the relationship has ended. Even once we were no longer living together, we kept returning a little here and there. I felt guilty because she wanted so badly to keep trying. But really, I just felt like I was constantly getting pulled into all of her drama. I tried to be supportive and someone she could talk to. I never could give her enough though. We had sex from time to time - and it was VERY passionate. It often made me feel like there was still "something" there to be saved. Sex was never an issue though in this relationship. It was the abuse I could not accept.

I had to travel abroad for a while this year, and I knew I would be gone for about 3 months. She seemed very anxious about me being gone. I honestly told her though that this time away needed to be a period for us to really think if we ought to attempt to continue to make it work. Inside, I kind of already knew that for me it was going to be a way to get away once and for all.

Most of the trip, I stayed at an arm's length. I limited my availability by phone, text, and Skype. She seemed excited to hear from me and we did have some decent communication. But, it started to become all about her again and then just TONS of drama. I didn't want to get sucked in. So, I made myself less available. It angered her tremendously. I got a series of very angry text messages and then finally she said she was going to basically turn the tables and not talk to me very much. She said accept my apology in advance, because I won't be so available.

I allowed days to pass. It was VERY odd for her not to try to contact me. I started feeling that something was up. I didn't like the feeling of anxiety it was giving ME at that point. So, finally I sent an email saying we ought to just stop everything. We stop communicating and we let the relationship end. I got ZERO response for about a day. I sent a follow up, and still nothing. I then noticed that on her Google account she had some new "dolled up" photos of herself. I sent another message asking her to please acknowledge what I requested. I said it appears you either met someone or you are putting yourself out there to find a new guy. Finally, she replies that she did meet someone new - 3 days after I stopped talking to you. "Everything is going great and he will meet me in October". Obviously, this was an online dating thing.

My heart felt HEAVY in my chest. I wasn't quite ready to hear something like this. I knew things were likely going to be over, but meet another guy in 3 days? What? My reply was short. I requested no contact and it would be my last message to her - ever. I continued my trip as planned and did not make contact with her. I returned home from my trip July 13th (2014). I had not heard a thing from her. I was actually glad. I often had dreamed of ways I could escape from her - and now it had truly happened. I should be elated right? Well, as time passed, I was NOT feeling so great.

I had moved pretty much all photos and documents to another folder where I would not see them. But somehow, I ended up seeing some pictures from New Years Eve. She has two young boys. The photos were of all of us - as a family. We were all smiling and you could see a lot of happiness there in those photos. My heart sank to the floor that day. This was about 4-5 days ago. I tried SO HARD to resist the temptation to initiate any contact. I failed. I wrote her a very heart-felt email. Basically, I communicated to her that I actually really missed her. I wanted to know how she felt and if she had any desire to try to mend things. I was kind in my letter. I also said that if she did not feel the desire to try, I will let it go and leave her be.

Her reply was nothing short of BRUTAL. Not only did she reject my offer, she was completely rude and confrontational. She reiterated that she DID meet another guy on a dating site. She also attached photos of him in the email! She said the last couple months have been the most exciting and exhilarating of her life! Just like that... .

Well, I got my answer. I felt like a DAMN FOOL! Why the hell did I contact her? Just to be insulted and abused again! I realized that really this is all she has done to me for the 3 years we were together. This was just another instance of it. Her reply could have been as simple as "no thanks. I am happy and I want to move on". But no. It had to be an insult. It had to involve rubbing my face in it.

I've seen a lot of negative feedback from people who don't like it when non BPD people are critical of pwBPD. But you know what? They REALLY are incredibly brutal people with seemingly no sense of empathy or ability to feel for another human being. Of course, I realize she has a new "mark" and if he is a healthy person, he will likely not be able to handle her abuse as well. But, I have to say that it is painful to see someone you thought loved you just split you that fast. I can handle that it was going to be over. But to realize it meant nothing is devastating! I stayed for years to try to find a way through this. And they will drop you without blinking an eye!

[workinprogress]

Don't beat yourself up.  We've all been there.

You love her.  She fills a void that you have.  Examine the void that she fills and try to fill it up with yourself.  Learn to love yourself.

These relationships are tough.

I predict that she will be back.

Just be ready when she returns.

[Caredverymuch]

I've been on here quite some time ago. Finally the relationship has ended. Even once we were no longer living together, we kept returning a little here and there. I felt guilty because she wanted so badly to keep trying. But really, I just felt like I was constantly getting pulled into all of her drama. I tried to be supportive and someone she could talk to. I never could give her enough though. We had sex from time to time - and it was VERY passionate. It often made me feel like there was still "something" there to be saved. Sex was never an issue though in this relationship. It was the abuse I could not accept.

I had to travel abroad for a while this year, and I knew I would be gone for about 3 months. She seemed very anxious about me being gone. I honestly told her though that this time away needed to be a period for us to really think if we ought to attempt to continue to make it work. Inside, I kind of already knew that for me it was going to be a way to get away once and for all.

Most of the trip, I stayed at an arm's length. I limited my availability by phone, text, and Skype. She seemed excited to hear from me and we did have some decent communication. But, it started to become all about her again and then just TONS of drama. I didn't want to get sucked in. So, I made myself less available. It angered her tremendously. I got a series of very angry text messages and then finally she said she was going to basically turn the tables and not talk to me very much. She said accept my apology in advance, because I won't be so available.

I allowed days to pass. It was VERY odd for her not to try to contact me. I started feeling that something was up. I didn't like the feeling of anxiety it was giving ME at that point. So, finally I sent an email saying we ought to just stop everything. We stop communicating and we let the relationship end. I got ZERO response for about a day. I sent a follow up, and still nothing. I then noticed that on her Google account she had some new "dolled up" photos of herself. I sent another message asking her to please acknowledge what I requested. I said it appears you either met someone or you are putting yourself out there to find a new guy. Finally, she replies that she did meet someone new - 3 days after I stopped talking to you. "Everything is going great and he will meet me in October". Obviously, this was an online dating thing.

My heart felt HEAVY in my chest. I wasn't quite ready to hear something like this. I knew things were likely going to be over, but meet another guy in 3 days? What? My reply was short. I requested no contact and it would be my last message to her - ever. I continued my trip as planned and did not make contact with her. I returned home from my trip July 13th (2014). I had not heard a thing from her. I was actually glad. I often had dreamed of ways I could escape from her - and now it had truly happened. I should be elated right? Well, as time passed, I was NOT feeling so great.

I had moved pretty much all photos and documents to another folder where I would not see them. But somehow, I ended up seeing some pictures from New Years Eve. She has two young boys. The photos were of all of us - as a family. We were all smiling and you could see a lot of happiness there in those photos. My heart sank to the floor that day. This was about 4-5 days ago. I tried SO HARD to resist the temptation to initiate any contact. I failed. I wrote her a very heart-felt email. Basically, I communicated to her that I actually really missed her. I wanted to know how she felt and if she had any desire to try to mend things. I was kind in my letter. I also said that if she did not feel the desire to try, I will let it go and leave her be.

Her reply was nothing short of BRUTAL. Not only did she reject my offer, she was completely rude and confrontational. She reiterated that she DID meet another guy on a dating site. She also attached photos of him in the email! She said the last couple months have been the most exciting and exhilarating of her life! Just like that... .

Well, I got my answer. I felt like a DAMN FOOL! Why the hell did I contact her? Just to be insulted and abused again! I realized that really this is all she has done to me for the 3 years we were together. This was just another instance of it. Her reply could have been as simple as "no thanks. I am happy and I want to move on". But no. It had to be an insult. It had to involve rubbing my face in it.

I've seen a lot of negative feedback from people who don't like it when non BPD people are critical of pwBPD. But you know what? They REALLY are incredibly brutal people with seemingly no sense of empathy or ability to feel for another human being. Of course, I realize she has a new "mark" and if he is a healthy person, he will likely not be able to handle her abuse as well. But, I have to say that it is painful to see someone you thought loved you just split you that fast. I can handle that it was going to be over. But to realize it meant nothing is devastating! I stayed for years to try to find a way through this. And they will drop you without blinking an eye!

Whiskey, I  am so sorry as you did approach so much with compassion as we all have.  The horrifying reality that they can and do walk away and start up with someone new overnight is brutally hurtful and leaves a sense of being used. Its the disorder which exists to deny itself.  Be proud that you did the work to detach and stay there. 

PBPD do not know empathy.  Healthy r/s do not start overnight on the heels of the former.  Continued contact will only hinder your detachment. Even with understanding of the behaviors, its better to leave them with the carrier where they belong.

[patientandclear]

From her perspective, you were very uncertain and you were pulling away from her. Not many people would withstand months of that without at some point saying to themselves "you know what? I better make some other plans. He is not going to stick around."

I understand it hurts, but she did not just unilaterally drop you. Many pwBPD make up reasons to be apprehensive about our commitment out of the blue, but in your case, it sounds from your account here that she had real reasons.

She gave you what you asked for and now you are having second thoughts. That's common and very human. But what she did is pretty consistent with what you were communicating to her.

I agree with CVM that it is unlikely that her new r/s is on solid ground. She launched into it without sufficient time to heal from the important bond she had with you.

I'm sorry it's so hard to watch her proceed in this way. That doesn't mean your own choices were wrong, though.

[amigo]

Thank you for sharing your story. We all need to hear this over and over again.

And you lived through it again. I am so sorry for the pain she is causing you. If you can use this as a reminder of how ill she really is and that for the longest time you were hoping to detach and deep down you know that is exactly what you need to do: detach

Like you, I was already planning on breaking up with my uBPDex and was thinking of ways to do it in a least harmful way for both of us. But when he dumped me instead in very typical abusive BPD fashion, I was devastasted. Suddenly I realized I was addicted to this toxic person. Working on this addiction and on my own issues and being here on this board is making me stronger every day.

Like workinprogress is saying, she will probably be back. Keep that nasty e-mail of hers tucked away somewhere, and when she does contact you again, read it, before you consider opening up to her.

As you, and all of us on here,  know, there will be no happy ever after with the new target. He's going to be abused just as badly as you were. Maybe already is. But you are lucky. You are rid of her now and you can start putting your life back together in a meaningful, drama free way.

Keep your head up. You can't see it now, but by being cruel in her last e-mail, she has given you a gift.

[woofhound]

during one of the break ups with my ex uBPD she went to an orgy... .I was BESIDE MYSELF with anger. this was immediately after a "break through" during couples counseling... .she made it clear to me during a text that she enjoyed "F*ing a man that look and felt like Adonis"... .then a week later she shows up at my house to tell me how much she regretted having sex with him and that it was nothing like making love with me... that she only did it because she was "heartbroken" and "filling a void" I left in her (she left on this particular instance)... .

their version of reality is warped and exposure to the causes us to have a warped reality as well. its crazy, but I still want her really badly. However, I know that there is little hope of ever having a solid platform on which to stand with her, because her emotions are about as stable as sand. Every time I get a foot hold the wind blows and everything shifts. Going back would just be self inflicted torture... .

[myself]

But to realize it meant nothing is devastating!

I understand how it feels that way, having been there, too. But in fact, it probably meant more to her than you'll ever know, to have had someone so caring and loving in her life. But it's broken with you now, and she can't really face it. So she turns to someone else trying to replicate the 'good' experiences, thinking she is leaving the 'bad' behind her. Further evidence of her negative patterns/behaviors, while painful, will help you in the long run. Try to not take it too personally. It's her disorder, not yours. But, BPD or not, ask yourself if someone acting that way with you is welcome in your life.

[Caredverymuch]

But to realize it meant nothing is devastating!

I understand how it feels that way, having been there, too. But in fact, it probably meant more to her than you'll ever know, to have had someone so caring and loving in her life. But it's broken with you now, and she can't really face it. So she turns to someone else trying to replicate the 'good' experiences, thinking she is leaving the 'bad' behind her. Further evidence of her negative patterns/behaviors, while painful, will help you in the long run. Try to not take it too personally. It's her disorder, not yours. But, BPD or not, ask yourself if someone acting that way with you is welcome in your life.

Excellent insight and advice, myself! Exactly the truth, too.

Thank you!

[whiskey]

Thanks. I just have to accept that she is really not a good person. Good people with kind hearts don't do that.

@patientandclear It is interesting you desire to excuse her behavior. Just because someone chose to move on or not continue a relationship does not justify brutality, being cruel, or uncaring. It really bugs me when I keep seeing either pwBPD or others making excuses for REALLY horrible behavior. I keep seeing these sites and articles talking about embracing BPD! Embrace it? HUH?  What bothered me about what she did was not that she even chose to move on. It was the speed of it! 3 days and she has a guy and she is so excited? That is SO not normal. Who does that? I'll tell you... people who are messed up. People with no compass. People who are heartless and manipulative.

The bottom line is this. I was stupid to care again. I was foolish to even contact her. She is NOT a good person, and she certainly does not deserve to be with me. I cared too much for her, and it bit me in the ass!

[patientandclear]

I've been on here quite some time ago. Finally the relationship has ended. Even once we were no longer living together, we kept returning a little here and there. I felt guilty because she wanted so badly to keep trying. But really, I just felt like I was constantly getting pulled into all of her drama. ***

I had to travel abroad for a while this year, and I knew I would be gone for about 3 months. She seemed very anxious about me being gone. I honestly told her though that this time away needed to be a period for us to really think if we ought to attempt to continue to make it work. Inside, I kind of already knew that for me it was going to be a way to get away once and for all.

Most of the trip, I stayed at an arm's length. I limited my availability by phone, text, and Skype. She seemed excited to hear from me and we did have some decent communication. But, it started to become all about her again and then just TONS of drama. I didn't want to get sucked in. So, I made myself less available. It angered her tremendously. I got a series of very angry text messages and then finally she said she was going to basically turn the tables and not talk to me very much. She said accept my apology in advance, because I won't be so available.

I allowed days to pass. It was VERY odd for her not to try to contact me. I started feeling that something was up. I didn't like the feeling of anxiety it was giving ME at that point. So, finally I sent an email saying we ought to just stop everything. We stop communicating and we let the relationship end. I got ZERO response for about a day. I sent a follow up, and still nothing. I then noticed that on her Google account she had some new "dolled up" photos of herself. I sent another message asking her to please acknowledge what I requested. I said it appears you either met someone or you are putting yourself out there to find a new guy. Finally, she replies that she did meet someone new - 3 days after I stopped talking to you. "Everything is going great and he will meet me in October". Obviously, this was an online dating thing.

My heart felt HEAVY in my chest. I wasn't quite ready to hear something like this. I knew things were likely going to be over, but meet another guy in 3 days? What? My reply was short. I requested no contact and it would be my last message to her - ever. ***

Whiskey, I feel like I'm doling out some tough love here (and to some of my other friends here on BPDF). Since I seem to be the only one who sees it this way on this thread, feel free to disregard.

What I'm trying to point out in the bolded portions in your post, above, is that what led up to your ex's decision to start seeing someone else was pretty painful for her, especially torturous for someone with BPD.  From what you recount above, you continually signaled that you weren't very committed, you had grave reservations, you found her ways to be too infused with "drama."  You kept putting distance between you even when she was asking to try, when you knew she was anxious.

And that's fine.  You have no obligation to stay in this relationship and maybe you didn't know about BPD, and if you did, it's ultimately pretty futile to try to allay all of their anxieties and concerns.  So I'm not saying you did wrong to end the relationship.

What I don't get, honestly, is why you are so surprised and hurt that she actually took you at your word.  You said it was over.  She believed you.  You'd been leading up to that for months, from what it sounds like.

From her perspective, all that time she is begging you and you are hanging back.  Now all of a sudden, when she finally is seeing someone else, you are all interested?  That's pretty push-pull on your part.  I can understand if it made her want to assert to you that she is really happy now.  I can identify with her wanting you to see that you can't just come and reclaim her now that someone else is interested.

It's no more OK for us to push and pull pwBPD than it is for them to do it to us.  Sounds like you made a good decision to end the relationship given that the two of you were not on the same page and not finding a way to talk about it kindly and productively.  You had second thoughts.  Many of us do after a momentous choice like you made.  But when we ask our exes for a do-over, I don't see how we get to complain if they believed us when we said we were done.

My ex started seeing someone else pretty much right after he decided not to try again with me.  It hurt a ton.  I know the feeling.  It was shocking to learn that he could focus that kind of interest on someone else so soon.  But if I'd been the one to say it was over, and had been pulling back for months, I'd have a hard time being mad about that decision by him.

That's another perspective, for what it's worth.

[whiskey]

@patientandclear, perhaps I am not being clear enough about what was transpiring between us at the time. I never said it was over. I said I wanted to think about things. I wanted her also to think about things. When I did that, I did not use a rebound or another person to convince me of that. I used actual real reflection - alone. If I would have run to the arms of another woman 3 days after I had a fight with her, I would have already done that very thing 50 or 60 times by now! So why does she have a license (in your mind) to do it?

I see your type of responses on these boards all the time. The BPD who needs validation by defending the indefensible. They all have the same mantra - "embrace our poor pathetic condition". "We never mean to hurt anyone". Well, I have actually heard MANY of them fully admit that what they do is done to hurt or to "show" the "non" partner how it feels. That is intentional. It is sick. It is brutal. In all the time I knew this girl, I NEVER sought out to harm her, her ego, or her heart. Yet, I would have had every reason to want revenge. Do you know how many times she pursued me yearning for forgiveness or to re-connect? I have a heart! I have a conscience! So NO. I did not stomp on her heart when she did that. I was gentle. Even when I felt I didn't think I could handle things anymore, I never used her moment of despair as an opportunity to stick a knife in her gut. It is sheer brutality.

You can go ahead and make excuses all you want. You are not going to convince me. I spent years enduring her brutality - and yet I still cared for her enough not to do something that awful.

I've seen many pwBPD post angry comments about how people have been describing them as monsters. You know... .maybe it's true. Maybe that truth is just VERY VERY hard to accept.

[patientandclear]

Whiskey -- I don't mean to suggest this relationship wasn't super painful for you, or that you didn't handle it gracefully and kindly.  When you reference the "drama" your ex brought, I assume that was very difficult stuff for you to deal with.  None of your choices seems ill-thought-out or unkind.

Your posts are contradictory about whether you ended it before she connected with this other man.  The initial post says you told her "we ought to just stop everything. We stop communicating and we let the relationship end."  She didn't answer and you contacted her again asking her to acknowledge this.

Your last post says you did NOT say it was over, just that you wanted to think about things and wanted her to do the same.

There's a pretty big difference.  Whichever it was, I'm sure you had good reasons for it.  But if you did tell her the relationship should end and you should stop communicating, it doesn't seem crazy that she might explore dating someone else.

And then when you changed your mind, it doesn't seem crazy to me that she'd be frustrated with your back and forth and tell you she's doing great with her new life now, thanks.  Many members on here report saying stuff like that to their ex all the time.  It's a pride thing I guess -- not showing the person who hurt you your belly, acting like you're perfectly fine.

This is a support board and I'm not trying to make you feel bad!  Just pointing out that these particular actions and words of hers probably just mean that she was feeling rejected by you and needed to show you that you can't just come back around whenever you feel like it after you called it off.

I've been around here quite a while, having had to process several different kinds of hurt at the hands of my own pwBPD.  I don't tend to rationalize what they do.  But I do think we need to be mindful about not engaging in our own version of push-pull as we try to deal with the confusing emotions toward the end of these relationships.  It's pretty common.  We know the r/ship is bad for us but we don't completely want to give it up ... .that is hurtful to them just like it is to us when they do it.

Peace.

[Numbers]

@patientandclear It is interesting you desire to excuse her behavior. Just because someone chose to move on or not continue a relationship does not justify brutality, being cruel, or uncaring. It really bugs me when I keep seeing either pwBPD or others making excuses for REALLY horrible behavior

Hello, Whiskey

I am very, very sorry for your hurt. I can completely put myself in your shoes, as what you tried is exactly what I tried. Went in for one last try, but this time "properly", keeping a bit of distance and keeping things rational. The sad truth is, I was not equipped to lead a relationship like that. I guess most of the people are not, that is what differs us from our exes. Borderlines do not like their own standards reapplied to them and revenges can be brutal. Mine certainly was, it felt like being leashed like a dog and beaten the c. out of me.

But we are in a very different position. I am a year out and it is still very fresh for you and I understand it hurts like hell. What I believe Patientandclear wishes to tell you is why your situation resolved as it did, nothing else. It does not matter anymore if we excuse BPD behavior or not. You are a part of us now and all we care about is your healing. If only I had this clarity a year ago, it would have saved me a small lifetime of agony. And i wish you that you reach it sooner rather then later.

[Infared]

Quote from P&C

"Whiskey, I feel like I'm doling out some tough love here (and to some of my other friends here on BPDF). Since I seem to be the only one who sees it this way on this thread, feel free to disregard.

What I'm trying to point out in the bolded portions in your post, above, is that what led up to your ex's decision to start seeing someone else was pretty painful for her, especially torturous for someone with BPD.  From what you recount above, you continually signaled that you weren't very committed, you had grave reservations, you found her ways to be too infused with "drama."  You kept putting distance between you even when she was asking to try, when you knew she was anxious.

And that's fine.  You have no obligation to stay in this relationship and maybe you didn't know about BPD, and if you did, it's ultimately pretty futile to try to allay all of their anxieties and concerns.  So I'm not saying you did wrong to end the relationship.

What I don't get, honestly, is why you are so surprised and hurt that she actually took you at your word.  You said it was over.  She believed you.  You'd been leading up to that for months, from what it sounds like.

From her perspective, all that time she is begging you and you are hanging back.  Now all of a sudden, when she finally is seeing someone else, you are all interested?  That's pretty push-pull on your part.  I can understand if it made her want to assert to you that she is really happy now.  I can identify with her wanting you to see that you can't just come and reclaim her now that someone else is interested.

It's no more OK for us to push and pull pwBPD than it is for them to do it to us.  Sounds like you made a good decision to end the relationship given that the two of you were not on the same page and not finding a way to talk about it kindly and productively.  You had second thoughts.  Many of us do after a momentous choice like you made.  But when we ask our exes for a do-over, I don't see how we get to complain if they believed us when we said we were done.

My ex started seeing someone else pretty much right after he decided not to try again with me.  It hurt a ton.  I know the feeling.  It was shocking to learn that he could focus that kind of interest on someone else so soon.  But if I'd been the one to say it was over, and had been pulling back for months, I'd have a hard time being mad about that decision by him.

That's another perspective, for what it's worth."

+1 I think that is a very good observation. Tough love is appropriate here.

[whiskey]

I guess I wasn't very clear about the timeline then. Also, maybe I did not clarify the point of my post. The reason for the break (at that point) was not the relevant point, it was the nature of the response by the BPD ex. I could have accepted a simple reply of "no, I'd rather not". But she had to be a brutal b___? So, your logic follows... .if I was the one who requested some time to think and a little distance, then I deserve the cruel and nasty reply that I received? A little tough love to punish me for making an attempt to connect with some I still cared for. Wow... .just wow.

#2 You did not follow the timeline. let me be more clear:

June 12 - She gets super angry because on my Sunday afternoon I was not replying right away to her text messages. I reply back that I have not been on my phone or online and was just busy. She replies back even more angry and says "fine, then I won't be so available to you either! I apologize in advance"

(ok, you following... .no break up yet)

Over a week passes and I am not hearing from her at all. Call it a game of chicken to see who will flintch first. I then saw that she had new photos on her Google+ account all dolled up. I know her. And that was not like her at all to do that.

So, we are now on about June 20. I sent an email at that time (Jun 12) saying I think it seems apparent you have moved on for some reason. I see the new pics online etc. Let's just stop. So yes. At that point, I did request we stop this.

On June 21, I finally get a reply. It was this simple. And I will quote:  Yes, I did find someone else. 3 days after I stopped talking to you. It's going great and he is coming to see me in October.

I think she got one more email into my other account so she could call me a loser or something like that.

So you see. She was already going online looking for a new guy - but only once she got all pissed off at me for not replying fast enough! Truth be told... .I probably would have been willing to work through things (knowing me) is she would have just chilled out. I was visiting family and I told her before I left that I can't spend a ton of time being online or texting.

It is NOT OK to go find someone else if you did not break things off with someone. This is precisely why I knew that I would never be able to truly trust her. I knew it was only a matter of time before she got angry enough to go act on it. The test (which was unintended) proved my point exactly.

This will be my last post on this site. Thanks for those of you who tried to offer some decent advice. But I am not finding it supportive. I am spending most of my time justifying my own actions... .just like I did in that toxic relationship.

[whiskey]

Ooops I did not proof. Here is a correction on the dates

So, we are now on about June 20. I sent an email at that time (Jun 20) saying I think it seems apparent you have moved on for some reason. I see the new pics online etc. Let's just stop. So yes. At that point, I did request we stop this.

[Visitor]

You know what. a HUGE trait in pwBPD and one I keep seeing time and time again is the long distance relationship. She said her and her new partner had arranged to meet October so I assume this is because it was long distance/internet.

The reason BPD's date long distance is because they have exhausted their local dating pool in their own town. We meet people through work, friends, friends of friends and going out etc.

A BPD would have used up these avenues and will have 1 of two things. A string of failed stormy relationships (that she will tell you was their fault and give you tales of how badly she was treated) or a string of quick sexual partners (men have just used her for a pump and dump).

What you are going through is very EGO based. When you were taking time out you had the power. As soon as she turned the tables you lost the power and your EGO took a bruising. Like any broken relationship you need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her out of sight and go complete NC. If she comes back she comes back but while you are in this fragile state you are going to take everything she says to heart. Who cares what other people think or say. Who cares who she blames. Take back the remote control to your happiness and stop letting her control your emotions.

If she is BPD her new relationship isnt going to last long. Find yourself a healthy loving girl to be with. You will be amazed how quickly the previous relationship vanishes into the distance.

[Suspicious1]

TBH, a response like hers says to me that you still matter and that she's hurting. If someone responded "thanks but no thanks" I'd assume they'd moved on and no longer cared. But the kind of "Take THAT. And THAT. And THAT" response is indicative of someone who hurts and wants to lash back to prove something. Remember, the opposite of love/like isn't hate - it's apathy.

That's not meant to give false hope, by the way, and the behaviour is brutal and unforgivable - I just can't imagine that anyone who acts like that doesn't have a point to prove.

[Visitor]

the opposite of love/like isn't hate - it's apathy.

excellent and very true.

[Infared]

the opposite of love/like isn't hate - it's apathy.

excellent and very true.

When my ex tries to approach me in public, I turn my head to the side and just "walk on by".