could i have some help please? (long)

[stuckgirl]

i think ive posted something like this before,but this itself is a recent development and im just devastated about it.

my uBPD partner was addicted to porn for four to five years before we were engaged,at some point during our engagement,he confessed to me that he was addicted to porn,he remained shut up for hours and hours and viewed it.he said he had read somewhere that porn addiction was unhealthy for relationships,it had cost him so much time,brought him a lot of depression and shame and he wanted to stop for our r/s

he stopped for a year,but relapsed five or six times for a day or two whenever we had a fight.

he had always been afraid of masturbation,in his childhood someone had told him it could was wrong,he felt depressed after it.

guys i stupidly thought i should tell him there was nothing wrong with it,that it was used as a healthy sexual release by most people and it was healthy for him if it didnt cause him depression afterwards (i thought if i reassured him on that aspect,he wouldnt feel so ashamed and depressed after he did it,and certainly not frustrated sexually ALL the time since we're not having sex before marriage... ) he asked me does it cause impotence(he's very afraid of that),i said 'no!' so he could relax on that aspect.

he started masturbating right then,day and night,instantly became addicted to it,he doesnt do anything apart from it,doesnt hang out with friends,doesnt watch tv, has started re watching porn,is miserable because it ashames him and depresses him,he cannot stop,he isolates himself even from me,keeps doing it night and day and night and day,avoides everything else,hurries up every activity so he can go to his room and again do it.

sex addicts (along with masturbation addicts lead a loveless,lonely life,because everytime they face the stress of courting or impressing a girl/boy,they just release it with masturbation and dont really do anything about the relationship,this addiction,along with the BPD,will definitely destroy him.

im feeling effects of this.he has started ignoring me,not calling or talking unless i call him,seeming not to care about our relationship because he's probably releasing that tension with masturbation like a heroin user uses heroin to forget about his problems.

he thinks all this will go away once we get married because then we can have sex,there will be no addiction,i told him thats not how it works.he got upset.

he's using masturbation and porn to cope,having sex with me wont replace his urge to touch himself to get rid of tensions caused by BPD or anything else!

i got him to stop and come out of it by making him promise not to do it every 24 hours,he stuck to that promise and after a week had the motivation to visit a therapist about it.

the ass told him it was normal to masturbate and watch porn this much,and just gave him an anti depressant.

my partner refused to take the anti depressant, just relaxed with the knowledge that masturbation and porn didnt have any negative effects.

i tried and i tried to hint and finally told him that it is addiction and it has really bad psychological effects and made him promise. a week later he broke that promise,i realized he was doing it again,i asked him and he confessed.

i made him promise three times since then and three times he broke it, he never broke promises before this... .

he says he feels horrible,i have told him again and again that for 'him' its destructive,

he says since i told him its healthy and he started doing it because of me,which is true! i didnt know he would become addicted in hours,i feel sick with guilt,completely responsible and scared for him,with a lonely loveless,frustrated future. the addiction has a firmer hold than before.

he completely refuses to listen to the consequences it could have and says you told me it was healthy,i say i told you two days later that you were becoming addicted and it was dangerous,i didnt imagine in a million years that would happen,and addiction is NOT healthy! he just childishly makes frustrated noises by saying that dont tell this to me now! i dont want to hear this now! he refuses to visit a psychiatrist that i know to be very good (and not the stupid quack he went to first) he refuses to discuss it.

i dont know guys,i stop because what i say bothers him and he says it makes him feel insulted,i try to say it in an objective way,i stop to preserve his feelings,but he is getting worse.

this is obviously complicated because im in a r/s with him and i cant be his therapist,

he's scared of finding out something scary that he doesnt even research the internet about it.

i just talked on the phone with him where he agreed to stop for 24 hours but said that he doesnt care about harming himself now (i think because the masturbation addiction has gotten a good hold)

i asked him to trust me and let me help him, and trust my judgement,he said no one can help him now,he doesnt deserve help,he doesnt need it,if its going to destroy him,he doesnt care (BPD and the shame brought on by masturbation are both causing this... .!)

should i throw caution to the wind and send him an article about sex addiction and it's horrible life altering consequences and not care what he does if he gets too scared,depressed,or too angry and retaliates against me.

can some body please give me just a little piece of advice?

i feel horrible with guilt and i cannot sleep at all,i caused this in his already miserable life,can anyone please read through all this and give advice,ANY piece of advice?