Playing pregnant?

[Googie]

My 16DD just dropped a bomb on me saying that she is pregnant.  I responded by saying there's no point in worrying about something we don't know is 100% accurate.  She got angry that I did not respond by blowing up or crying or whatever her expectations were.

I seriously do not think this is true and will be finding out for sure first thing in the morning.

I have a gut feeling that she is attention seeking but there is always the possibility she could be pregnant because she has missed 2 weeks of her pills that she mentioned about a month ago (prior to this recent boyfriend/victim).

WOW... .  please send me some wisdom and suggest what I should be doing with myself except for what I am doing now which is feeling like I lost a war and am looking to have someone else to take over my tour of duty.

Grrrrrr... .  I'm not even going into what we have been through these last few year because none of it really matters presently.  I have intensive in home services and will be in touch first thing in the morning.

I know some women/girls play games like this and is a trait of BPD, but REALLY?  I've have enough and I'd like to stop this ride right now.  I'm feeling a bit sick to my stomach and have nothing left inside myself to give.


Help me!

Googie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

Hi Googie,

I just read your other recent posts as well as this one, and it sounds a bit harrowing.

I am really sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now, I understand the devastation and destruction a BPD can cause.

All I can say about the potential pregnancy is this, if she is in fact pregnant, then you need to have an open and honest conversation with her. Yelling and or crying will not turn back the clock and undo the pregnancy. I do not know what your beliefs are, but I believe that all babies are special blessing. however, not all people are prepared to receive that blessing.

I also believe that there are choices to go along with pregnancy, plenty of people would love to adopt, some parents of pregnant teens take on the responsibility of rearing the child, and of course there is always termination of the pregnancy.

whatever is decided upon, must be ultimately her decision... .That is the hard part.

If she is not really pregnant, then that is a whole new set of problems. The seriousness of making up such a tale is obviously lost on he

I again believe in a frank and honest approach, but you must start by reassuring her that you understand she is hurting, and reassure her that you are there for her. She is entitled to her feelings no matter what they are, they belong to her and they are very real to her, so let her know that you understand all of that, and then ask her if she understands the seriousness of what she has done. And does she fully understand the seriousness of pregnancy and a child?

whatever the outcome and whatever you choose to do, I wish you well. I will be thinking of you.

[js friend]

oh Googie,

sending you many hugs  

I have been in the same situation... .actually twice now. My dd19 has 2 little ones under 2yo and has been making up stories about being pregnant since she was 13yo.IM sure a lot was attention seeking but also think that she planned to get pregnant as soon as she could. She loved watching teen mom and programmes like that and has enjoyed the attention it has brought her from outsiders who have been interested in her growing bump and the babies, and when the novelty seems to have been wearing off with the first child she went and got pregnant again!... .Now she has 2 she can barely manage but I dont think it will put her off having more:'(

I would look at your dd coming to you as a positive.My dd never did she  Just denied each pregnancy until it became obvious. If i were you I would buy a home pregnancy testing kit and find out if she really is pregnant to begin with,

if she isnt  pregnant i would be breathing a huge sigh of relief  and then  take her to have the implant, coil, or injection asap. And if she is at least you will have some input about the future from the very beginning.My dd was also on the pills and using condoms but they are too easy to forget to take or use because of our childrens  impulsivity, so I took my dd to get any of the other  methods but she refused and said that I was trying to control her infront of the dr! Now i think she wishes she had listened to me.Hopefully your dd may be different.

Googie  I know exactly how you feel. My dd's was  way too young, immmature, and moody, and selfish to have children... .and what kind of life will her  kids have in the longrun.

Maybe your dd has now taken the test and you know now one way or another. Whatever the outcome we are all here for you.

[mama72]

So sorry, Googie. Have you tried an at home pregnancy test on your daughter? They are just as a accurate as the doctor's office tests. Not the blood test however, that can approximate how far along she would be too.

Have you thought about an alternative  birth control for her if this fest is negative? Maybe the Depo Provera shot or Norplant? Just throwing some ideas out so you don't have to go through this again. If she "cries wolf" again, she should have to pay for the office visit.

I think that pwBPD are able to lie about almost anything, including pregnancy. They love the drama. I also aagree with what tristesse had to say with how to react. It is what it is, and no amount of. Rying, shouting and drama will change it.

React calmly with either result... .it will throw her off!

Keep us posted, friend!

Blessings.

[scarlet10]

hi

Hopefully she is not pregnant. my daughter is 17 but for the last two years millions must have been spent on pregnancy test... .all negative so far, but only yesterday said she needed to buy another one, like another person on here refuse more permant contraception.  I think its part of the BPD as my daughter is obsessed with her body, she always has an illness or maybe pregnant. If u get away with it this time see if u are smarter than me and can talk her into the injection.

Good luck.

[SeaSprite]

When I found out my d16 wasn't taking all her pills, I took her to the doc for the shot, and the routine pregnancy test came up positive. Now I'm wishing I'd taken her in a few weeks earlier, but I didn't know she wasn't taking her pills. She is the only one in the family who doesn't get how hard this will be on her and a baby if she keeps it. I am still hoping she will change her mind and adopt or terminate.

I do think she wanted to get pregnant, which is just so hard to understand.

I hope it works out for you and your d... .

Maybe if its a false alarm you can get her on a long term form of birth control, even if you have to bribe her.

Why do they have to mature sexually 15 years before they mature emotionally?

[js friend]

Im so sorry you are going through this too SeaSprite

[MammaMia]

Babies having babies.  

I wonder if the "teen mom shows" contribute to the belief that this is acceptable.  They are actually meant as a deterrent, but do not seem to be working.  I will never forget one pregnant teen saying that she had wanted a baby so badly "so she would have someone to love HER".  What?

A child is not a toy. A child will not take care of THEM. A child is years and years, and years of hard work, expense, and sacrifice. They often want a child just to try to "keep" the Baby Daddy in their lives.  It often does not work but it shows the immature mentality involved.

A majority of teen moms rely heavily on grandparents to support and raise their children which is unfair.  But they do not seem to care.  

A teen pregnancy is a very complex problem.

[peace in steel town]

Our dd would on a regular basis ask her mom if mom would still love her if she got pregnant. There have been several pregnancy scares, most of them negative. She is currently 7 months along, and it came out on facebook last night that she got pregnant on purpose, and many of her friends knew this. As far as what to do, start wrapping your head around the idea of being a grand parent. If it doesn't happen, consider yourself lucky.