to chase or not to chase

[hurting300]

I'm getting a bad arge to go and look for my exBPD girlfriend... as you know she literally disappeared in April with our baby with no word, warning or explanation. Lately I've been fighting myself not to look for them. It makes me feel like a psycho... but wouldn't anybody feel this way?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Hello there hurting 300. I can relate in the urge to want to chase a BPDexgf. Its something im fighting everyday and yes it does indeed make one feel... well psycho. Its the pull they want to bring with the push. Its games. And if we validate it only serves to show that the behavior is acceptable... but in your case with a child involved i can see where you'd worry about their safety making things even more complicated. To make matters worse she did the disappearing act which causes more uncertainty. From my personal experience they come back around on their own at some point... but its the waiting and uncertainty that really kills... Minus the child and no explanation id say im in the same boat with you. But honestly even with an explanation its usually just lies/blaming/distortion and not the true reason that it never helps much. They have no way of giving closure if they want to keep the door open for their "needs". Idk if im willing to wait on a chance or take matters into my own hands... these decisions tend to be tough but ultimately one that has to be made according to our own discernment.

[hurting300]

It's hard my friend... she drives by my house when I'm gone but that's it. I'm staying in tonight. So I'm good for one more day.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I agree these things never tend to be easy... Mine did the same thing and it makes me wonder if its due to object constancy to stay connected with us... or if they're just "checking up" to see if were still available. Regardless i know the intent has nothing to with our well being its always about them. All we can do is take it moment by moment and day by day. Im glad to hear your staying strong. Take care tonight mate. 

[hurting300]

Thanks man... .So your ex did the drive by's too? But didn't call...

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Well i never witnessed one myself. During our most recent recycle she admitted to driving by my place because she missed me but idk how much of that is true reason... There was never a call as we were NC.   

Have you ever witnessed her drive bys? 

[hurting300]

No I haven't, it was my mom and next door neighbor told me... .I've ask her before if she ever checked up on me and she just stared thru me.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

So you said she stared right through you so does that mean youve actually met up with her recently and had this conversation? If so thats normal my ex has given me similar looks. I think its during periods of disassociation possibly as they dont want to lie but dont want to admit the truth so the "zone out" so to speak. Idk about you but it always makes me uneasy...

[hurting300]

No man, I haven't heard one word in four months. She deactivated her Facebook and changed the phone number. I broke up with her in 2012 and that lasted four months.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Idk if mine changed her number but she deactivated her FB since the last recycle. Its been two weeks since i heard from mine but the few texts i got in the last month were cold and distant... The silence kills so i feel for you man. You said you broke up with her in 2012 and that lasted four months. If you dont mind me asking what was the main cause for you to break up with her? And did you two have any recycles after the breakup?

[hurting300]

I broke up with her because she was a cold, distant know it all . She was only good at sex. That's why I left. And yeah she blew my phone up.