A bit of an Emergency

[PyneappleDays]

First off I've been on this website before and had problems logging on and could not re-establish my password and e-mail.  So I'm sorry.

I have a bit of an emergency (urgent really) problem.

As I have written before my 19 daughter has BPD.  She was diagnosed 2 years ago.  She also ran a way.  She tells people we kicked her out and that me were very abusive.  We have rules and when we confronted her about breaking them she took off.

She has been living on her own with her bf (he's 16).  I've tried to have a relationship with her.

I've learned some pretty scary things lately.  She told her OW worker that she's been living with us and is now requesting receipts.  We also revived mail from her bank apparently she's been slipping empty envelopes in to the deposit slot.

Her OW worker phoned which I'm really surprised about how much information he shared.  I didn't think they could tell people that much info.

She wants to meet me to discuss receipts for the rent.  She's been living with the aunt of her bf.  She's on OW and cannot supply receipts.

So here’s my dilemma.  Do I give her the receipts and risk her getting put in jail or cut off.  Have her case worker come after me and risk my relationship with my husband.

Right before Xmas.  Thanks a lot.

Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

PyneappleDays,

  I am so sorry for all the problems you are experiencing!  I am glad that you found us here, and here is a hug .  I really feel for what you are dealing with.  IMHO, I would never break the law.  What you are considering doing is fraud, and I find it alarming they are inquiring about it.  If I am understanding the situation. If I am wrong, then please forgive me. Here is what I believe you are saying - That your daughter lied and said that she was living with you, so she can get welfare?  She can not claim where she is actually staying for risking them claiming rental income.  Is that right?

I know that you don't want to see your daughter go to jail.  But, you may bring charges against yourself. 


And, if your daughter ended up in jail, would that be the worst thing?  Perhaps, she would receive mental help services. 

Please keep in touch!  We are here for you!

peaceplease

[MammaMia]

PyneappleDays

I have to agree with Peaceplease.  You would be doing your adult daughter no service by lying on her behalf, and you would be putting yourself at risk for legal action.

To lie for her would be to condone her behavior.

I am sorry for your troubles, but your daughter needs to account for the money she has received, not you.

[PyneappleDays]

The guilt is over bearing in this case.  She will not stop; she does not see it as illegal. Her friends have convinced her (and made up her mind) that it ok to do this. Her case worker knows what she's up to.  He's talked to my husband.  They have a plan.  I didn't know a caseworker could give out that much information.

Your right she cannot claim the rent receipt were she is it will get that person in trouble.  I have no intention of giving her the receipts.  She will hate me.  She has excuses and explanations for everything.

I find it ironic she does not mind me getting into trouble.  She blames us.  It has caused much tension between me and my husband.  He's angry with her for putting so much resentment and pressure on me.  For letting things get worse.

I so find it ironic also that this seems to go in stages.  It gets worse it gets better it gets worse then it get better.

I’m exhausted.

Thanks for listening

[raytamtay3]

I feel for you Pyneapple. Don't feel guilty (I know, easier said than done). Your daughter, like mine, put themselves in these perdicament (sp?). My DD14 does not care about anyone but herself. Which sounds like the case with yours. There comes a time when we have to say enough is enough. If they want to ruin their lives, go ahead. But we cannot allow them to drag us down with them. Especially after we've tried everything to get them help.