Future Ex Wife posted on a gossip site

[teeoneup]

I am in the middle of a nasty prolonged divorce.  My WBPD stbx posted on a gossip/scam website.  She made up things that are so fantastical that I have no words to explain them.  What she wrote were all lies, but serious accusations if anyone reads it.  The problem is I work with investors.  If any of them google my name that website pops up.  I wrote a rebuttal and contacted the website to get the post removed.  They said they never remove a post and they don't have to, and they said they never lose a law suit.

She has already contacted most of our social circle and my business clients and told them lies about me.  Most have stopped doing business with me.  Now this will affect me getting new business.  This has hurt me income tremendously already.  She was awarded spousal and now I am having a hard time paying that.  Any thoughts how I deal with the website posting?  I am filing a motion today in court for a gag order or restraining order.  I don't have money for an atty anymore, so I am doing it myself. 

She is more interested in destroying me than anything else.  I was granted full custody of my two children and have an order of protection against her that includes the children.  Now I'm having a hard time paying my bills.  I believe she is capable of anything at this point. Will she ever stop?

[Boss302]

I am in the middle of a nasty prolonged divorce.  My WBPD stbx posted on a gossip/scam website.  She made up things that are so fantastical that I have no words to explain them.  What she wrote were all lies, but serious accusations if anyone reads it.  The problem is I work with investors.  If any of them google my name that website pops up.  I wrote a rebuttal and contacted the website to get the post removed.  They said they never remove a post and they don't have to, and they said they never lose a law suit.

She has already contacted most of our social circle and my business clients and told them lies about me.  Most have stopped doing business with me.  Now this will affect me getting new business.  This has hurt me income tremendously already.  She was awarded spousal and now I am having a hard time paying that.  Any thoughts how I deal with the website posting?  I am filing a motion today in court for a gag order or restraining order.  I don't have money for an atty anymore, so I am doing it myself.  

She is more interested in destroying me than anything else.  I was granted full custody of my two children and have an order of protection against her that includes the children.  Now I'm having a hard time paying my bills.  I believe she is capable of anything at this point. Will she ever stop?

Well, I have three thoughts:

1) Is your spousal support modifiable? If you're still in the divorce process it could certainly be. If so, and you can demonstrate a change in your financial circumstances, you might be able to get the award modified before all is said and done. I don't know about other states, but in Colorado, after the divorce, if a judge determined the support award, versus you and the ex negotiating it and coming to an agreement, it's 100% modifiable. And make sure she knows that if you have to take her back to court, her actions will be fully documented and brought before a judge... .who will not take kindly to what she's doing. Make sure the judge knows that this is making it harder to provide a stable home for your kids, especially.

2) I'd definitely go forward with the protection / gag order.

3) I'd think about being proactive with current and former clients about this. Better they hear this from you than WBPDx.

4) DOCUMENT everything. How do you know she was the person who did those posts? Can you prove it?

What's incredible is that in the end, if you make less, she makes less, so torpedoing your business just hurts her. She's THAT angry? Wow. Witch, indeed... .

[.cup.car]

Nik Ritchie isn't a bad guy - I've read his biography and he's not all that different than Dr. Phil.

Send proof of your stbex having a personality disorder.  Nik hates manipulative girls and will act based on that info alone.

[teeoneup]

I am in the middle of a nasty prolonged divorce.  My WBPD stbx posted on a gossip/scam website.  She made up things that are so fantastical that I have no words to explain them.  What she wrote were all lies, but serious accusations if anyone reads it.  The problem is I work with investors.  If any of them google my name that website pops up.  I wrote a rebuttal and contacted the website to get the post removed.  They said they never remove a post and they don't have to, and they said they never lose a law suit.

She has already contacted most of our social circle and my business clients and told them lies about me.  Most have stopped doing business with me.  Now this will affect me getting new business.  This has hurt me income tremendously already.  She was awarded spousal and now I am having a hard time paying that.  Any thoughts how I deal with the website posting?  I am filing a motion today in court for a gag order or restraining order.  I don't have money for an atty anymore, so I am doing it myself.  

She is more interested in destroying me than anything else.  I was granted full custody of my two children and have an order of protection against her that includes the children.  Now I'm having a hard time paying my bills.  I believe she is capable of anything at this point. Will she ever stop?

Well, I have three thoughts:

1) Is your spousal support modifiable? If you're still in the divorce process it could certainly be. If so, and you can demonstrate a change in your financial circumstances, you might be able to get the award modified before all is said and done. I don't know about other states, but in Colorado, after the divorce, if a judge determined the support award, versus you and the ex negotiating it and coming to an agreement, it's 100% modifiable. And make sure she knows that if you have to take her back to court, her actions will be fully documented and brought before a judge... .who will not take kindly to what she's doing. Make sure the judge knows that this is making it harder to provide a stable home for your kids, especially.

2) I'd definitely go forward with the protection / gag order.

3) I'd think about being proactive with current and former clients about this. Better they hear this from you than WBPDx.

4) DOCUMENT everything. How do you know she was the person who did those posts? Can you prove it?

What's incredible is that in the end, if you make less, she makes less, so torpedoing your business just hurts her. She's THAT angry? Wow. Witch, indeed... .

She filed a motion with the court last month that had a letter that said the exact same things as were posted on the website. Plus some of the information posted related to my checking account that she subpoenaed I have copies of emails that she sent to my business clients that they gave me.  Incredibly, one email she sent to one of my largest clients telling him what a bad guy I am with a whole bunch of lies, she copied me on!  I have all this documented and will present to the judge.  I keep wondering how/why she would do this, and then I am reminded that she has a mental disorder. 

[teeoneup]

Nik Ritchie isn't a bad guy - I've read his biography and he's not all that different than Dr. Phil.

Send proof of your stbex having a personality disorder.  Nik hates manipulative girls and will act based on that info alone.

Its not the Dirty.com. Its a consumer gossip site.  Anyone can post anything, even lies.  The site does tell you that they will arbitrate and possible remove the post with a beginning $2000 arbitration fee!  Sounds like extortion. 

[Waddams]

Perhaps a simple, short, sweet message to those she is alienating against you is in order?

Just something that says basically that you know she's propagating a series of lies with the intent of trying to hurt you and alienate you from your relationships.  That you aren't going to get into arguing about what is or isn't true, but simply state you divorcing because you need to protect yourself and your kids from this disordered behavior, you were awarded custody and have a RO against her for a reason and that judges don't do that unless there's justified cause.  Her current behavior is just a continuation of a long pattern of her acting out against you and you're sorry for any drama she's tried to spill over into everyone else's lives. 

Then tell them that you value your relationships with everyone and you hope to continue them.

Sometimes I think you just have to confront lies when they are affecting you like this.  And you're doing it in court, but I do think there comes a time when something a bit more is needed.  You can still be classy, and don't have to engage with your stbxBPDw either. 

[Boss302]

I am in the middle of a nasty prolonged divorce.  My WBPD stbx posted on a gossip/scam website.  She made up things that are so fantastical that I have no words to explain them.  What she wrote were all lies, but serious accusations if anyone reads it.  The problem is I work with investors.  If any of them google my name that website pops up.  I wrote a rebuttal and contacted the website to get the post removed.  They said they never remove a post and they don't have to, and they said they never lose a law suit.

She has already contacted most of our social circle and my business clients and told them lies about me.  Most have stopped doing business with me.  Now this will affect me getting new business.  This has hurt me income tremendously already.  She was awarded spousal and now I am having a hard time paying that.  Any thoughts how I deal with the website posting?  I am filing a motion today in court for a gag order or restraining order.  I don't have money for an atty anymore, so I am doing it myself.  

She is more interested in destroying me than anything else.  I was granted full custody of my two children and have an order of protection against her that includes the children.  Now I'm having a hard time paying my bills.  I believe she is capable of anything at this point. Will she ever stop?

Well, I have three thoughts:

1) Is your spousal support modifiable? If you're still in the divorce process it could certainly be. If so, and you can demonstrate a change in your financial circumstances, you might be able to get the award modified before all is said and done. I don't know about other states, but in Colorado, after the divorce, if a judge determined the support award, versus you and the ex negotiating it and coming to an agreement, it's 100% modifiable. And make sure she knows that if you have to take her back to court, her actions will be fully documented and brought before a judge... .who will not take kindly to what she's doing. Make sure the judge knows that this is making it harder to provide a stable home for your kids, especially.

2) I'd definitely go forward with the protection / gag order.

3) I'd think about being proactive with current and former clients about this. Better they hear this from you than WBPDx.

4) DOCUMENT everything. How do you know she was the person who did those posts? Can you prove it?

What's incredible is that in the end, if you make less, she makes less, so torpedoing your business just hurts her. She's THAT angry? Wow. Witch, indeed... .

She filed a motion with the court last month that had a letter that said the exact same things as were posted on the website. Plus some of the information posted related to my checking account that she subpoenaed I have copies of emails that she sent to my business clients that they gave me.  Incredibly, one email she sent to one of my largest clients telling him what a bad guy I am with a whole bunch of lies, she copied me on!  I have all this documented and will present to the judge.  I keep wondering how/why she would do this, and then I am reminded that she has a mental disorder.  

Does your county have a self help legal center? If so, consider talking to them about this... .or find an attorney who can file a motion on a "per diem" basis versus retaining one. If this is hurting your livelihood then I think it has to stop, NOW, for the kids's sake; if you're their sole source of support, and she's destroying that then, this feels like an emergency to me. And if the case isn't done, then going into court with this kind of stuff can't be good for her in the long run... .judges remember this kind of thing. In my case, my BPDx made a bunch of allegations about my behavior with my kids, got the court to do an emergency hearing, and then didn't show up. That was a FAIL on her part. She ended up losing custody.

And if you get some kind of restraining order, and she continues to do this, that's where being proactive with your clients comes into the picture - have them forward anything she sends them about you.

Sometimes you can win these cases based on the other party's failure.

[ForeverDad]

If she has done things to smear your name (libel) and reduce your income then you ought to have basis to also request her support be reduced or cancelled due to her actions.

[momtara]

 "I was granted full custody of my two children and have an order of protection against her that includes the children."

As much as she is trying to destroy you, take a moment to rejoice.  Most guys don't get that. 

[gherkins]

Does your state recognize defamation per se?  It might be something to look into, providing you can work it out legal-representation-wise.

[livednlearned]

It seems like there are three issues.

One is the current clients.

One is the website -- future clients.

One is bringing this before the court.

The first issue: What about carefully composing a letter to your current clients to tell them that you regret that they've been subjected to a smear campaign that targets you and your sons. Get ahead of the message, be gracious, appeal to them as people. Have a lawyer look at it and make sure you don't say anything that you can not provide documentation for. If mental health professionals have suggested she might have a PD, then maybe say, "My ex wife has been evaluated by two psychiatrists and while I respect her privacy and wish to prevent her diagnosis from being made public, her distressing behavior is consistent with what I have suspected for many years." Or something like that.

If you've been walking on eggshells and you're a nice guy, recently divorced and probably in early stages of recovery, you might feel like this is being aggressive. It isn't. It's being assertive. When someone attacks you, it is perfectly reasonable to defend yourself. Defending yourself is not aggression. You just need to make sure what you say is consistent with any legal strategy you might adopt going forward.

Second issue: usually is costs $50 or $100 to consult with a family law attorney. Maybe the same applies to an attorney who specializes in defamation and libel. It is worth talking to some attorneys to see if she might have crossed the line.

Third issue: The temporary custody order you have is excellent -- temporary orders often become permanent. Your ex sounds so much like mine. It was almost as though he did everything he could to make things worse for himself. Yes, your reputation is taking a beating, but many courts will have a hard time forgiving a parent who so blatantly disparages the other parent. You could even say that her actions harm your kids -- not just by loss of income, but by putting something so publicly reprehensible about you that shows up in Internet results. There was a case a while ago where the judge put a gag order on a father for having a hateful, quasi-anonymous blog about his ex wife. She found out about it, and the judge ordered the website shut down.

Put it in the perspective of how it impacts your kids. That's all judges really want to hear about in family court.