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Author Topic: contacting the police  (Read 844 times)
.cup.car
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« on: August 21, 2014, 10:50:56 AM »

Bit of an update.

My exGF (now 19) has always exhibited stalkerish behavior but I usually let it slide. However, since it's now been two years since we were on good terms, I took y'alls advice and tried to get a protection order before her irrational anger caused her to make a false rape accusation or whatever.

Well, it didn't go as planned. One judge passed it, then invalidated it because he made a simple mistake (he forgot a provincial court means any resident can use it). I was advised to go to the court in the town I'm living in now, and the judge felt a protection order wasn't necessary (even though the police advised me it was).

I met with yet ANOTHER officer and brought all of my evidence to him, which is a 75 page binder with nothing but her worrying facebook/text messages that clearly demonstrate she is mentally unwell, contacting friends/family to inquire about me, and crossing personal boundaries (plus a message from he sister confirming this).

The officer assured me it's criminal harassment/stalking, and theres a good chance she'll be charged.

It's been two weeks as of today; how long until I hear back from the police, and in what ways will her family try to counter it?
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« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2014, 05:04:45 PM »

It's been two weeks as of today; how long until I hear back from the police, and in what ways will her family try to counter it?

You sound like you don't have a lawyer .cup.car. Are you sure it's Provincial Court and not Court of the Queen's Bench? QB is for criminal charges and offences. Provincial Court is things like family matters. I would suggest calling around for criminal lawyers. You get a half hour free consultation. They will answer your question. They may ask if it's Police or RCMP. Both are different in handling matters.
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« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2014, 07:56:58 PM »

I'm in the US, so maybe things are different.  Here, I would suggest you call the prosecutor - that's who makes the decision about charges.

You can probably also find the law online - look up the law or laws that you think she broke and see exactly what they say.

If you have solid evidence showing that she broke a specific law, in the US the prosecutor almost has to take the case, or you can contact that state attorney general's office.  If it's similar there, you can probably be very persistent and they will have to do their jobs.
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« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2014, 08:05:49 PM »

Matt is right. A prosecutor is called the Crown Prosecutor. The prosecutor of the legal system in Canada.
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« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2014, 08:07:24 PM »

Matt is right. A prosecutor in Alberta is called the Crown Prosecutor.

So maybe you can call that office and see if someone there has the case, or if you need to make another copy of your documents and take them there.

I think the police should have done that but who knows... .
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.cup.car
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« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2014, 08:38:39 PM »

Thanks for moving the thread to the appropriate forum.

The entire progression was a bit of a nightmare, so I'll try and outline it as best as I can.



>we had not been intimate since the summer of 2012, and I had not talked to her since August of 2013

>this girl had zero reason to talk to me or stir up any more problems; we'd gone our separate ways at this point

>March of 2014, exBPDgf (19) convinced her father to try and press charges on me for cyberbullying

>Nothing came of this aside from an empty threat on Facebook one day

>July of 2014, a former roommate informs me that my ex had been contacting him to ask questions about me

>this had been the third person in the past year she had contacted to inquire about me, or simply tell extravagant lies about our relationship


When I first met this girl, she would sit in her room, punch herself hard enough to leave a bruise, and then call the police and accuse her father of abusing her - to the point where her parents would have to carefully monitor the phones in their home at all hours. A logical conclusion is that I was next in the firing line for false accusations, especially with the empty threat earlier in the year. Even my close friends figured she'd moved on by now and this recent behavior threw us a curveball - I didn't like that.

This behavior is also considered stalking - thanks to BPDF's help, I read up on the proper way to handle this. A protection order was the obvious way to proceed. Many Canadian law enforcement info sites have PDF's available on Criminal Harassment. Almost all of them suggested for me to pursue a Peace Bond, a type of protection order intended to prevent a situation from escalating before something serious happens. The accused basically signs off that they won't do anything to cause the applicant any discomfort. Like, you know, a false accusation or something as an act of revenge.

I recently moved out to a satellite town about ten minutes south. Regardless, I went to the provincial courthouse in downtown , met with the right people, scheduled the right dates, and eventually had the meeting with the Justice of Peace. He passed the order and a date was set for the hearing - August 27th. While the document was printing, he invalidated it, as he and another coworker believed that since I did not live in that city anymore, it would be best for me to take up the issue at the courthouse in the town I currently reside in.

I was confused and met with an RCMP officer immediately after. He too was confused, assured me a Peace Bond is exactly what I need for the situation, and to go make another appointment with a local JP. I did. After an initial mess up that showed the original Peace Bond still in the system, my new request for a Peace Bond was shot down, because there was no immediate threat of violence. Of course, I go home and see everywhere on the internet that these are "handed out like candy" as long as the judge/JP believes your well-being/safety is jeopardized, regardless of whether there's been violence in the past or presently being threatened.

So at the end of the day nothing's been done about this girl and I'm still sketching out over it. Frustrated, I met with yet ANOTHER RCMP officer and brought my 75 page binder with me to the station after hours and laid out the entire situation to him. He was more than helpful, photocopied the entire binder for internal use, assured me it's most definitely a case of criminal harassment, and asked me about an hour's worth of relevant questions. I was told he would contact her the following day to warn her about the severity of the situation, and any response other than "yes officer, I understand" would result in her being paid a visit by the RCMP and potentially charged. He assured me that I'd hear back from him within a few days.

It's been two weeks as of tonight. No response from the cops. No voicemail tantrums from either her or her family. A buddy of mine at work had gone through roughly the same thing and said it takes about a month for the police to investigate, but this seems a bit strange.

What is transpiring, and what should I prepare for, on all fronts?
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« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2014, 08:49:32 PM »

Excerpt
I did not live in that city anymore, it would be best for me to take up the issue at the courthouse in the town I currently reside in.

I'm sorry but this doesn't make sense. I was charged in another town and I had to go to court in said town. 3 hour drive from where I live for false assault charges with ex. My L said it's a different county, I know the judges "good 'ol boys out here this could be real difficult Mutt" I don't know why they are trying to move this where you live now.

The RCMP officer should have given you his card. Did you call him? I think you need to talk to an L to sort this out for you. I say that because asking you to file where you live now could cause potential issues. A lawyer may move it back to the city courts, they may say they know the judges and how they are like with Peace Bonds. For example they may take Peace Bonds more seriously than where you live now.

Did you talk to a lawyer in the Provincial Court? They have lawyers that can give you advice before court is in session. You can usually find them around the court rooms. I would recommend hiring a lawyer, you'll get better representation. Are you representing yourself? Why the RCMP?

I understand they charged her and it's the Crown Prosecutor but you have a  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) if they want to shuffle it out of that city. That's why I say talk to a L. The L should have an idea what the judges are like in either town, city, county and what your chances are. Find out what circuit is best. If you have a chance to move it to a better circuit take it. Anything that works in your favor with someone that is PD.
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.cup.car
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« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2014, 09:03:26 PM »

Excerpt
I did not live in that city anymore, it would be best for me to take up the issue at the courthouse in the town I currently reside in.

I'm sorry but this doesn't make sense. I was charged in another town and I had to go to court in said town. 3 hour drive from where I live for false assault charges with ex. I don't know why they are trying to move this where you live now.

Boils down to the guy made a mistake at his job; we all do. Only problem is that it's not a wrong flavor of soda at the drive-thru, legal/personal well-being implications are a pain.

The RCMP officer should have given you his card. Did you call him? I think you need to talk to an L to sort this out for you. I say that because asking you to file where you live now could cause potential issues. A lawyer may move it back to the city courts, they may say they know the judges, how they treat Peace Bonds may be better than where you live now. Did you talk to a lawyer in the Provincial Court? They have lawyers that can give you guidance and advice before a court is in session.

I got his card, did not get a file number. Tried calling a week ago and left a message; got no reply.

I basically dropped the court approach and went through the police. It's all a matter of waiting on the police for word on what they've done.
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« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2014, 09:06:04 PM »

I agree we all make mistakes. His mistake could cost you. If her dad tried to charge you with cyber bullying. I wouldn't take chances with a Peace Bond getting fumbled by the RCMP or JP. Pick up the phone and call an L in your area. Look for criminal lawyers. 30 minutes cost you nothing. Recount exactly what you said in your thread. An L will tell you exactly what should transpire.
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« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2014, 09:12:06 PM »

You could maybe try calling more times, and if he doesn't answer ask to talk to his supervisor.  You don't need to be nasty, just tell the supervisor what happened - you filed a report and the officer said he would get back to you in a couple of days and now it's been much longer than that - and ask the supervisor to find out where things stand and call you back.

They are public employees, so they work for you.  You are their boss.  They are obligated to provide you with good service, and you are right to expect them to do their jobs and get you the information you need.
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.cup.car
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« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2014, 09:53:04 PM »

Bit of an update:

The officer I dealt with will call me back, at the earliest, this Friday. Did what others suggested to and got in touch with an actual person at the station and let them know I hadn't heard anything in a few weeks.

I've also got a file #, meaning the whole issue is in the system and being taken seriously. That was a pretty big fear of mine - you always hear horror stories about the police being incompetent and basically not caring about anything that isn't a rape/murder until it's too late.

The next big hurdle to overcome is hoping something actually gets done about the issue. I know how the justice/legal system favors women, and I'm not gonna lie, if you put a picture of me side-by-side with a picture of her and told 100 people on the street to "point to the person who's being accused of stalking", all 100 would point to me.

Bringing this up with friends has been difficult. A good 80% of the time, they simply suggest that I should sleep with her again. Only after I show them the 75-page document I brought to the cops do they take a step back and do a total 180. I'm pretty desensitized to the whole thing because I've been the one living it for the past four years, but seeing how others react to reading just a few select pages really drills it home that this girl has serious problems and something needs to be done about it. I'm hoping the police feel the same way.  

Realistically, I'm expecting to find out on Friday they called her and told her to leave me alone. Although I'm sure if the roles were reversed and she had gone to the Police with 75 pages worth of crazy messages from me, I'd already be in jail.
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« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2014, 05:35:23 AM »

Very important:  The professionals in the police, emergency, court and other systems will be more helpful if you don't become a recurring client/victim.  (That is, repeatedly return to the relationship.)  They've seen many cases of a person crying out for help and protection, then seeing that person go right back to the relationship again and again.  When they notice that then their incentive to keep saving you again and again plummets.  Got it?  They'll go the extra mile if they are confident you've learned your lesson and the relationship is definitely ended.

You've seen the Cops episodes where the officers tell the camera, "Here we go again, we get calls here all they time, they're always fighting and nothing ever changes... ."  So when they go they know nothing will get fixed whether they help a little or a lot.  You don't want to be seen as a willing victim/target nor as a revolving-door visitor to court.
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.cup.car
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« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2014, 07:44:41 AM »

I cant see myself going back to her. The cost of gas to see her on a regular basis would be astronomical.
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