what were YOU accused of?

[Infern0]

I got some great ones.

"You proved you couldn't be there for me" : when I went lc for a few days when she begun constantly flaking and was already "with" some other guy.

"You lied and manipulated me" : Er what? I was ALWAYS honest with her and never manipulated, I encouraged her to do what made her happy if that was being with me or not "I just want you to be happy,  if that means not being with me then I can understand"

"You said horrible things to me": again, what? I put up with so much from her and I never once lashed out. I mean I was a complete push over. I was terrified she'd hurt herself and had been treated so bad so I had the patience of a saint. Even though she would belittle me constantly.

"He stalked me": he being me. Even though I requested NC about 8 times and she ALWAYS broke it asking for help and playing on my sympathy and protective instincts. She asked for NC once which I respected until she broke it after 2 days.

"You got me in trouble at work" : because she called me 37 times on her work phone.

there's more but you get the point

[Suspicious1]

Here are some direct quotes:

"You have always been jealous of me having things to do with other women but happy to have conversations with men and lead them on for fun"

"I think those issues will mean you will never settle with anyone if I am honest. You will need to find someone very selfless. And someone with such a small ego that they will live with being made to feel second to anyone you take a shine to. I don't think you will ever be satisfied with anyone or anything in your life and I find that heartbreaking."

"You might find someone who is cuckold. That would suit you I think. Someone not worried about any personal pride or need to be recognised. Actually that's probably right for you!. You would not need to as they do not matter. They are just there to host. They are seen as lower than the bulls"

"I am like a neutered cat when you rule the roost"

"I never trusted you - I didn't honestly I didn't. I never trusted you honestly. I was always embarrassed by you. Of course I was. Look at how we were with others I clung to you and you pulled away. I loved being seen with you every time until you decided to flirt with whoever else was around."

"You are still very much in a relationship with your ex. I'm speechless that the only person who doesn't see this is you".

[Dog biscuit]

Ah, the accusations! Yeah, i've got them too.

I was accused of neglecting him several times by not giving him enough attention, whenever he needed reassurance. ( and that was all the time)

I was accused of being overly jelauos and therefor he just had to sleep with other woman behind my back.

I was accused of being the one to make conflicts escalete all the time

I was accused for faking love towards him, and not really caring for him

I was accused of cheating

I was accused of not being able to stand critism

I was accused of not being there for him when his exgf died ( I nurtured him, provide shelter when he was in crises, supported him seeking help with this loss, comforted him when he was devasted, supported him when he was having meltdowns over her death, during our whole r/s we hardly talked about anything else but the dead of his exgf, I was there all the time without pause)

I was accused of being overly controlling

Blegh... .what a monster I was huh?

[Visitor]

"I hope you get the help you need to stop pushing people out of your life"

[Suspicious1]

"I hope you get the help you need to stop pushing people out of your life"

Oooh, projection, much?

[brokenbutalive]

"Everyone at work hates you"

"It's impossible for me stay in a good mood with you. I've tried and I can't do it. You're a permanent annoyance to me"

"You never listen to me and I'm just going to stop talking to you"

"Nobody in life has ever annoyed me the way you do"

"I could kill you. You should be put up against a wall and shot."

"I can't even look at you. You make me sick."

"You're retarded. You're the stupidest person I've ever met. I think part of your brain just never grew."

"You're a mess. You're a walking disaster. I'm so far out of your league."

After I tell her I love her... ."I don't want to hear that crap. You're a broken record".

:'(

[workinprogress]

Hmm... .

I was accused of cheating for years.  Meanwhile, I discovered she was chatting on line with men on some speed date site.  I also heard she would sexually come onto other guys, when I confronted her on this, she said, "I was only joking."

I was accused of not loving her.

I was accused of stealing my own money from our checking account.  I still remember that morning.  She starts yelling at me at 6 am saying there is money missing out of our checking account.  I had no clue.

The odd thing that ended up happening later concerning finances... .I am paid direct deposit.  I got a little bonus check that I wasn't aware of and didn't even realize it until I was looking up some pay info for my wife.  I asked her about the bonus and said we need to mark it in our checkbook.  She got nervous and said, "don't mark it.  Well, I don't remember it.  It's best not to put it in there."  So, somehow my $900 got spent.  

[Recooperating]

"You want me dead, you would even morn if I die"

"Your friendship with your friend is sick. You are a lesbian and having an affair with her."

"You are cold and distant, you never loved me. You just want to leave me to get revenge."

"You have sex with all your friends"

"You need to be locked in a mental institution wit padded walls."

"You are cold and distant, I didnt want to cheat and move in with another woman, you made me."

"You and your whole family are sick."

And lots more of this crap... .

[Lion Fire]

I was accused of being a conman, a criminal, an abuser, liar, gay, a cheat, a womanizer, a charlatan, psychopath... .all of these were sparked by her either not getting her own way ("needs met" or the numerous times she randomly flipped out in a paranoid disordered state and did not stop flipping for days at a time 

The crazy thing about all of these accusations is that she had worn me down to the point in the end where I started to believe some of it!

[workinprogress]

I was accused of being a conman, a criminal, an abuser, liar, gay, a cheat, a womanizer, a charlatan, psychopath... .all of these were sparked by her either not getting her own way ("needs met" or the numerous times she randomly flipped out in a paranoid disordered state and did not stop flipping for days at a time 

The crazy thing about all of these accusations is that she had worn me down to the point in the end where I started to believe some of it!

Lion Fire, I was accused of being gay also!

She didn't even like to be touched and I tried to touch her all of the time.  Then she comes out and says that I'm gay and even said I was asexual one time.

Go figure.

[Infared]

Many times a pwBPD will do something inappropriate, deceptive or dishonest. Then they knowingly will demonize their partner and make massive drama, etc. in an effort to divert, take the attention off of their wrong doing. Why do they do this? It works and has worked for them in the past.  The effectiveness of their 8-yr-0ld ploy is usually directly proportional to there amount of physical beauty they emanate.  

Sick stuff.

[Caramel]

"You don't love me. I mean nothing to you. You are a cheat. You are gonna go back to your ex. You are comparing me with your ex's all the time. You are smearing my name. You are selfish. You are a lier... "

[Popcorn71]

I was accused of kissing a male friend, in the middle of a busy bar, when my ex went to the toilet.

I was also accused of having somebody in my bed with me at night while my ex wasn't with me.

I later realised that these accusations were made at the time his affair started with the replacement!  Guilty conscience on his part I think!

[pieceofme]

Many times a pwBPD will do something inappropriate, deceptive or dishonest. Then they knowingly will demonize their partner and make massive drama, etc. in an effort to divert, take the attention off of their wrong doing. Why do they do this? It works and has worked for them in the past.

after he repeatedly cheated and lied and walked out, my ex told me, "i will always care no matter what you do to me." 

[willtimeheal]

I was accused of cheating on her... .while she was busy cheating on me.

Spending too much time at the hospital when my dad was sick and not spending enough time with her.

Apparently according to her I am a raging pill popper and addict... .She is a raging alcoholic

I been accused of not buying her nice enough gifts on special days... .mind you I get nothing cuz she is so broke

I am told my childhood was too nice and therefore I am a spoiled brat. She doesn't  a clue about my childhood because she never asked about it. She has painted her own picture of what it looks like

I am a brown noser at work because I am well respected and liked.

[Infared]

Hmm... .

I was accused of cheating for years.  Meanwhile, I discovered she was chatting on line with men on some speed date site.  I also heard she would sexually come onto other guys, when I confronted her on this, she said, "I was only joking."

I was accused of not loving her.

I was accused of stealing my own money from our checking account.  I still remember that morning.  She starts yelling at me at 6 am saying there is money missing out of our checking account.  I had no clue.

The odd thing that ended up happening later concerning finances... .I am paid direct deposit.  I got a little bonus check that I wasn't aware of and didn't even realize it until I was looking up some pay info for my wife.  I asked her about the bonus and said we need to mark it in our checkbook.  She got nervous and said, "don't mark it.  Well, I don't remember it.  It's best not to put it in there."  So, somehow my $900 got spent.  

The story about the $900 is so spot on 8-yr-old behavior.

[pavilion]

What I don't understand is that they tell us how awful we are, how inattentive, unloving, selfish, controlling etc. yet they still want to be with us. Surely if we were as terrible as they say we are they should run for the hills! In the end I just used to agree with him and suggest that he might be better off with someone else then.

[Visitor]

Many times a pwBPD will do something inappropriate, deceptive or dishonest. Then they knowingly will demonize their partner and make massive drama, etc. in an effort to divert, take the attention off of their wrong doing. Why do they do this? It works and has worked for them in the past.

after he repeatedly cheated and lied and walked out, my ex told me, "i will always care no matter what you do to me." 

This made me chuckle 

[centralflarduh]

I was accused of cheating in my dreams. You can't make some of this stuff up. 

[Visitor]

What I don't understand is that they tell us how awful we are, how inattentive, unloving, selfish, controlling etc. yet they still want to be with us. Surely if we were as terrible as they say we are they should run for the hills! In the end I just used to agree with him and suggest that he might be better off with someone else then.

We can sum up BPD in one sentence "I hate you, please don't leave me"

[Visitor]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

[workinprogress]

Hmm... .

I was accused of cheating for years.  Meanwhile, I discovered she was chatting on line with men on some speed date site.  I also heard she would sexually come onto other guys, when I confronted her on this, she said, "I was only joking."

I was accused of not loving her.

I was accused of stealing my own money from our checking account.  I still remember that morning.  She starts yelling at me at 6 am saying there is money missing out of our checking account.  I had no clue.

The odd thing that ended up happening later concerning finances... .I am paid direct deposit.  I got a little bonus check that I wasn't aware of and didn't even realize it until I was looking up some pay info for my wife.  I asked her about the bonus and said we need to mark it in our checkbook.  She got nervous and said, "don't mark it.  Well, I don't remember it.  It's best not to put it in there."  So, somehow my $900 got spent.  

The story about the $900 is so spot on 8-yr-old behavior.

The thing is, I never would have known about it if I hadn't been looking up some other information on my paychecks.

[pieceofme]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

[workinprogress]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

I got that stuff, too.  If she was wrong on something I had to agree with her regardless.  If I didn't support everything she said I wasn't supporting her and I would get the silent treatment.

[pieceofme]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

I got that stuff, too.  If she was wrong on something I had to agree with her regardless.  If I didn't support everything she said I wasn't supporting her and I would get the silent treatment.

at first i would just get the silent treatment. during this past month of recycling, i am now subjected to his rages (the most hateful words anyone has ever spoken to me in my life), followed by the silent treatment.

[Visitor]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

(After making a negative statement about me that I disagree with)... "why do you always have to argue, just drop it"

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I was accused of logging onto and using the dating site that we originally met on.  This was complete rubbish - I had cancelled the subscription and my profile was removed. Her accusation was a complete projection - in fact at the time she was active on another dating site and met my replacement on it. hmmm... .

[Infared]

I know it's messed up... .but this thread has me laughing REALLY hard right now... .THANKS EVERYONE!

[Visitor]

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

[Caramel]

"You are competing with me! Stop competing! Be a friend"  

"Have you been raped? I was wondeting maybe that's why you are so weired!"

[pieceofme]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

(After making a negative statement about me that I disagree with)... "why do you always have to argue, just drop it"

YES! after the weekend where i suffered his first rageful attack, he told me living together isn't worth "all the fighting." i said, "i'm not even sure what happened. you started it? and i don't understand why." ... ."STOP ARGUING WITH ME!" geez. i have since tried, "i'm not arguing. i'm just trying to understand how you feel," but that is usually met with, "i don't want to talk about it," then the silent treatment.

[Visitor]

"You are competing with me! Stop competing! Be a friend"  

[pieceofme]

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

LOL this, too. "stop being so negative. being negative isn't going to get you anywhere." or, "i don't need this negativity in my life." or, "it's always drama with you; i don't need this." which is usually followed by, "k bye [my name]" to indicate i'm being cut off.

[willtimeheal]

I was accused of wanting to be her... .She said to me "stop trying to be me.  You got highlights (always had them), a tattoo, and you got a shirt like mine."  I just looked at her and I think my jaw was in the floor.  I just said... ."You are the last person I would ever want to be."  Then I left.

[Lion Fire]

Workinprogress 

Aye, I was accused of being gay because a gay guy checked me out once. Then she would go on about me being gay because I didn't want to have sex with her enough. We were on 3 times a day which was what I would call a healthy sex life 

You can't please some folk 

[enlighten me]

With both my exs I had a thing that I called veiled confessions.

My ex wife once said "It would be nice to leave this life behind and start all over. Maybe meet someone from London and move there" She is now married to the guy she met online from London while we were together and has moved there.

My exgf once said when we where discussing infidelity "what if Id taken that scotish lad back to mine and had him F my brains out just to numb the pain of the miscarriage. Would you be able to forgive that?" I now realise she did do it.

The way they project their faults, lies and infidelities is the same as these veiled confessions.

Its as if they are reaching out to tell us but cant actually face doing it. Im not sure whether some of it is rubbing our noses in it or whether it is a cry for help from a tortured soul that wants to do the right thing but just cant help themselves.

[Caramel]

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

LOL this, too. "stop being so negative. being negative isn't going to get you anywhere." or, "i don't need this negativity in my life." or, "it's always drama with you; i don't need this." which is usually followed by, "k bye [my name]" to indicate i'm being cut off.

WOW! Are you guys serious? 

"I don't need this negativity in my life. That is my deal breaker. Have you noticed that you have brought nothing but negativity and drama to my life? You bring the worst out of me. I'm only given one life and I want to live it happy. That's it. I'm done. Please leave. I don't need this sh... in my life. I deserve better."  

[Visitor]

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

LOL this, too. "stop being so negative. being negative isn't going to get you anywhere." or, "i don't need this negativity in my life." or, "it's always drama with you; i don't need this." which is usually followed by, "k bye [my name]" to indicate i'm being cut off.

You bring the worst out of me.

Bingo! 

[Suspicious1]

Oooh I've remembered another one: when I asked to discuss something over email because I was going to be away, he said "No. I know you just like me to put things in writing for evidential purposes".

I had the "you bring out the worst in me" from my (suspected NPD) ex husband. I could only reply that if "the worst" wasn't already in him in the first place, I wouldn't have been able to bring it out.

[Pingo]

When I ended the r/s I was told I was a 'selfish b__ch and would never be happy', I had given up on him and didn't give him a second chance (and as you all can I'm sure relate, I gave him 800 chances).  During our r/s he was always careful to disguise his accusations... .reading my fb and text messages behind my back was 'because he was curious', not actually accusing me of being untrustworthy.  Or when he found out when I was young I dated a man over 20 years my senior he called him a 'dirty old man' instead of accusing me of what he really thought of me (which I'm still uncertain of but it had to do with my lack of morals apparently).  He would also accuse me of not being affectionate enough (when I was showing him endless affection).

[enlighten me]

Oooh I've remembered another one: when I asked to discuss something over email because I was going to be away, he said "No. I know you just like me to put things in writing for evidential purposes".

My exgf hated putting anything in writing as she couldn't deny it had been said. I often sent her dates that she denied I had sent and hated when I referred back to them.

[workinprogress]

Here's one... .

My wife had been on facebook for awhile, and one day I bumped into an old friend who told me that a lot of people I graduated with and moved away were on fb and I should get an account and catch up with everyone.

I was self-medicating with alcohol then and I was drinking that night and decided that I would create a fb account.  I had to create a new email account and decided the hell with it.

Well, my oldest son saw me on the computer and asked what I was doing.  I told him that I was setting up a fb account.

I went to bed and didn't think anymore of it.

Well, the next day my wife starts raging at me.  "Why were you making a fb account?  FB is for me and my friends!  I don't need you stalking me on fb!"

Meanwhile, she snooped through my pockets, wallets, bills, emails and everything for years.   Yet I never questioned her on any of that. 

[kc sunshine]

Omg this is a fantastic thread! Mine:

"stop talking like you're the victim here" (after going on and on about how much I wronged her)

"I'm the only one that puts any work into the relationship"

"sometimes I hate you"

lots more, but luckily I can't seem to remember them-- they all run together in one vitriolic blur.

[RedDove]

Not sure these are the "worst", but definitely the ones I won't ever forget!

My ex BPDbf accused me of cheating on him with my ex husband whom I divorced 10+ years ago because he had an affair and cheated on me. Clearly my ex BPDbf was the one cheating!

I was accused of putting "my" feelings ahead of his health. I went to visit him at the hospital after his knee surgery. When I walked into the room I found another woman sitting on the side of his bed stroking his arm and head. Much later I discovered it was his ex gf whom he also worked with, that he was recycling and triangulating with me. He also lied about the date of his knee surgery.

After his surgery he contracted a MRSA infection. He said it was gone after several courses of antiobiotics. Well, the MRSA infection wasn't gone and I contracted it. When I told him, all I got was, "are you sure?", really? like I'd make something like that up! Then I got "sorry to hear" and he disappeared for the entire weekend. Never asked how I was, showed any remorse, apologized or came by to see me.

[pieceofme]

When I ended the r/s I was told I was a 'selfish b__ch and would never be happy', I had given up on him and didn't give him a second chance (and as you all can I'm sure relate, I gave him 800 chances). 

yes, i got this, too. after i caught him cheating with his ex for the third time, he finally realized that i had enough and went over the top begging for forgiveness and another chance. i listed off all the chances i had already given him and he said, "you have given me a lot of chances, but i wish you could give me one last chance." the begging only last a day, but he said he would never give up, that he would always be trying to get me back. i held my ground and he ended up spending that very night with his ex     the next morning, his excuse was, "well, you said you didn't want me."

[merm49]

"You're too nice, you don't criticize me enough"

"You're so cruel to me; You make me feel like a monster"

(as when I told her how to deal with a pregnancy scare for the entire week after she broke up with me and I kept receiving texts at 1am-3am of her 'freaking out'; my mere facial expression when I found out she had sex with some other guy the night before, day off speaking with me for the first time in 6 weeks after NC , which I agreed to only after 2 very long emails form her expressing her undying love for me, that I'm unforgettable, that she was getting help, etc)

"You have no self-confidence, you're meek / you're narcissistic and self centered"

"You're voice is too low, you need to speak up more"

"You're not passionate enough, you don't lift me up and make me better; I always make my partners better"

""You're like a robot, you have too much of a routine"

"You're too sensitive and ignore my constructive criticisms"

"You type and chew too loudly, and you look around too much when you talk"

"You multitask too much"

"You don't care about me"

"You're the crazy one for loving somebody like me"

"You're the female in the relationship (emotionally and physically)"

"You're an American 'wussy' (the worse word)"

"You withhold fun restaurants, places, movies, shows from me"

"You're not handling you're health problems (benign tumors in my leg for which I'm on chemotherapy) in a productive and proactive manner; you should go in to psychotherapy for sick people so you can deal with it better"

(said as I was scheduling appointments in Boston at the Farber Cancer center, and as I stated my inanition to continue to work and go to grad school, which I'm doing now)

"You care too much about what other people think about you and us"

"You don't treat me like a girlfriend in public; you make me self-conscious on campus because you treat me like a girlfriend" (we had to be 'discreet' due to her cultural background)

And on and on and on.

[Visitor]

"You're the crazy one for loving somebody like me"

The most sensible thing I have ever heard uttered from the mouth of a pwBPD 

[RisingSun]

I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work, which

caused her stress and I NEVER supported her in seeking fertility treatment. Of course this isn't the truth.

I didn't force her to work. Although, she literally had a half a million dollar education, why not put it to good use? I actually helped and supported her grow a

very successful business she was passionate about. Never truly got any thanks for that. She would just rage on me about how stressed out she was from

running a thriving and growing business. And, I did support her in fertility treatment but the things I did do to support her were ignored and down played

to suit her argument.

I was accused of not finding her beautiful / attractive enough. There was nothing I could say or do to make her feel any different, at least for very long.

I thought she was gorgeous and loved her body. I never said one thing that could justify these feelings she was having about her self-image.

If I rubbed my eyes while she was getting undressed for bed I would be accused of not being able to look at her body. I can't tell you how many nights I

would get blasted for this. I would be tired, unconsciously rub my eyes (because that's what I do when I'm tired) while she was getting in her nightgown,

and bam, she would give me either the cold treatment or rage on me. She would say "you can't even look at me!". It got so old, I can't even tell you the

frustration this caused me. I loved her body!

I never loved her enough while having sex. She would just stop right in the middle of making love and accuse me of using her to get off. Granted I married

this woman because I loved her. I was an extremely giving and connected lover when allowed to be. I never had an issue with being in a place of love while

having sex with her. I don't think she could receive the kind of love she claimed I didn't possess. It was her way of telling me she couldn't find a loving

space to connect with me while making love. But it was always my fault, I couldn't connect. The times I felt she did connect was when she was really

horny. Now who's only concerned with getting off? Crazy making at it's finest.

There's a lot of other things I was accused of but I'll leave it at this. 

[Grace58]

I was accused of many things but the best one was telling others "she broke into my house and stole money from the replacement" when I was on another continent.  When the other person informed her that I was not even in the country, she said "how can you be sure of that? She is lying to you."

I am certain my ex herself took the replacement's money and was making a cover story.  Oops.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Mine would accuse me of pushing her away.  This was for going hiking on days she refused to see me for whatever reason.  I never could see any logic in that.  I guess she wanted me to stay put in the waiting room in case her other plans fell through. What the heck... .

[workinprogress]

Wow, I remember another one!  I'm going out of town again and this flashed into my mind.

I was leaving on a business trip a few years ago.  I remember packing my bags and seeing a small tube traveling sized toothpaste in my bag and I just figured it was left over from a previous trip.  I didn't think anything of it.

Then, I got back from the trip.  My wife looked in my bag and saw the tube of toothpaste.  She demanded to know where it came from.  I told her that I thought it was in the bag when I left.  She adamantly said it wasn't.  She was very angry about it.

And she was the one who said that I would stalk her on facebook. 

[Visitor]

I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work

and the award for the most ridiculous accusation ever has to go to this guy   

[enlighten me]

I first met my exgf in 1988 and we dated for 3 summers before we split up.

About a year into my recent relationship with her she accused me of getting back together with her so I could hurt her and have my revenge on her. I never understood this as she was the one that contacted me and initiated the relationship.

I now realise that with projection this may have been her motivation as she said I was one of only two men who had ever dumped her. Well now Im one of only one that has dumped her twice 

[RisingSun]

I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work

and the award for the most ridiculous accusation ever has to go to this guy   

Tell me about it... .  I never lived that one down. It was an ongoing circular argument that lasted for years. There was nothing I could do to make her change

her perspective. It was such a sensitive subject, I was afraid to pass babies on the street. They were like black cats.

[hergestridge]

Oddly my xwife was not big on the accusations. She was often very confrontative but most of the time she made up an issue that she could pick a fight about.

She did accuse of being greedy and ungenerous. She was of the opnion that "your things are my things". If i asked her not to borrow something from me or not please not eat something I had bought for myself, she sometimes did it anyway. And when I caught her with her pants down so to speak, she sorts of blamed me for causing the whole situation with my "greediness".

I had made feel shame, and I had to be punished!

I must add that I propably accused her of many, many things. I asked her repeatedly for 20 years to please take some responsibility. I don't even know if she understod. She always took things out in the yard, but she never brought them back in. Like a little kid. I let them lie because I refused to pick up after another adult. Now she's gone.

[RisingSun]

I must add that I propably accused her of many, many things. I asked her repeatedly for 20 years to please take some responsibility. I don't even know if she understod. She always took things out in the yard, but she never brought them back in. Like a little kid.

That's narc entitlement. She shouldn't have to pick up after herself! Not when someone else is around to do it for her.

And for me, if I didn't pick up after her, I'm accused of being selfish and not sharing responsibilities.

[martymcfly5]

The list of what I WASN'T accused of is much shorter. 

[Infared]

I must add that I propably accused her of many, many things. I asked her repeatedly for 20 years to please take some responsibility. I don't even know if she understod. She always took things out in the yard, but she never brought them back in. Like a little kid.

That's narc entitlement. She shouldn't have to pick up after herself! Not when someone else is around to do it for her.

And for me, if I didn't pick up after her, I'm accused of being selfish and not sharing responsibilities.

LOL! ... I forgot about that stuff... .YES I kept the house in order, the yard, did all the cooking, ALL the laundry... .and I never minded... .I just liked being in a relationship and pitching in... She vacuumed... .that was it... .so I NEVER did.  Guess what she said to me like a little spoiled 8-yr. old when she ran off with her new supply... ."... .and you always made me do all the vacuuming!" LOL! Thanks for reminding me of that... .as I remember... .It was such an absurdly self-centered thing to say... .I just didn't even respond... .I was starting to see who this person ACTUALLY was.  I like coming hereto be reminded of that.

[RisingSun]

LOL! ... I forgot about that stuff... .YES I kept the house in order, the yard, did all the cooking, ALL the laundry... .and I never minded... .I just liked being in a relationship and pitching in... She vacuumed... .that was it... .so I NEVER did.  Guess what she said to me like a little spoiled 8-yr. old when she ran off with her new supply... ."... .and you always made me do all the vacuuming!" LOL! Thanks for reminding me of that... .as I remember... .It was such an absurdly self-centered thing to say... .I just didn't even respond... .I was starting to see who this person ACTUALLY was.  I like coming hereto be reminded of that.

Wow! It sounds like we lived a similar existence. Although, I wouldn't do her laundry, and I never heard the end of it. All she thought she had to do

was work, nothing else. And I got attacked for that as well. It was my fault she had a successful business. I took care of the houses and day to

day responsibilities, as well as run my own business.

I was accused of living off of her. Her justification for taking this stance, I lived rent free (!) because she owned our houses outright, we didn't have a mortgage and

she made more than me. I've never heard of a husband paying rent to his wife  And, it's not a crime for your wife to make more than her husband, especially

if he's pulling his weight in sweat equity. Like building her a cabin for instance.

[Witchway]

Projection yes. And there's quite a few examples.

Mine snored quite badly so I would nudge him to change position. This was met with anger and blame. I was the one with the problem - his snoring should not bother me and I was in fact keeping him awake by trying to move him. Why should HE lose sleep as it was MY problem ! On one occasion I was told to ___ off. I therefore either went into another bed (at mine) or the couch (at his). I mentioned this infront of family members (pre-knowledge of BPD) and it seriously triggered him.

The next couple of nights were hell as the snoring definitey became worse. I was told that 'it was infact me snoring and that I was waking myself up doing so'. I told him that 'no-one had ever mentioned I snored and neither had I ever woken myself up snoring... .funny that it should only happen with him'.

On the second night it was really bad and he kept telling me 'it's you'. About 3:00am I had lost patience and shot bolt upright in bed... .Guess what? He was wide awake and snoring in my ear. I stared into black souless eyes and realised what he was doing. It was at the point that I realised I could never sleep in the same bed, room; even house as this individual.

I got up without saying a word and went into the spare room. Didn't sleep at all for the rest of the night and finished it the following morning. This being the first time I had ended things.

Here's the thing... .The intent behind it. It was a cosidered action on his part - was it not? An action undertaken in order to convince me I snored in order to alleviate his guilt? One big head ___ basically.

[Pieter2]

Here Goes:

"You don't REALLY have any confidence"

"You never do any work and are lazy"

"You always hold me back"

"You've never dated anyone attractive"

"You ALWAYS talk about your exes"

"You don't need me enough"

"Your friends LIVE in your house"

"You don't deserve to be part of your family"

"You're arrogant"

[enlighten me]

Here's the thing... .The intent behind it. It was a cosidered action on his part - was it not? An action undertaken in order to convince me I snored in order to alleviate his guilt? One big head ___ basically.

I don't know whether it was to convince you that you snored or not but personally I would say it was a childlike attempt at revenge. You had upset him and he wanted to get back at you for it. He knew you got annoyed with the snoring so he did it on purpose thinking that you would get annoyed but not catch him as you would think he was sleeping.

Ive had my exs do things for petty revenge that they didn't think they would get caught for.

My ex wife used to urinate in my bath but for some reason confessed this to me.

Its the emotional immaturity that drives them to do these things.

[Witchway]

Here's the thing... .The intent behind it. It was a cosidered action on his part - was it not? An action undertaken in order to convince me I snored in order to alleviate his guilt? One big head ___ basically.

I don't know whether it was to convince you that you snored or not but personally I would say it was a childlike attempt at revenge. You had upset him and he wanted to get back at you for it. He knew you got annoyed with the snoring so he did it on purpose thinking that you would get annoyed but not catch him as you would think he was sleeping.

Ive had my exs do things for petty revenge that they didn't think they would get caught for.

My ex wife used to urinate in my bath but for some reason confessed this to me.

Its the emotional immaturity that drives them to do these things.

I'm pretty sure it was to convince me I was snoring. He sulked about it afterwards (waif / hermit tpye - no rages as such) and went on to inform me that it was in fact me who snored, and he'd never told me previously as he didn't want to hurt my feelings.    So what he did just seems so much more calculated and manipulatitive, as opposed to impulsive.

I understand the emotional immaturity of it, but I still think about culpability and the need to be responsible for managing our own actions, disordered or not.

As for the bath... .They never cease to amaze me ! As is said so often on here 'we couldn't make it up'. 

[Forestaken]

I was accused of her infertility even though my sperm checked out perfect. The justification for her to rage and blame me on the matter, I forced her to work

and the award for the most ridiculous accusation ever has to go to this guy   

Sorry, It's a tie - bc my Xw accused me of that too.

Plus:

Having an extramartial affair with my kids' martial arts instructor (he's married with 3 kids)

Having an extramartial affair with my son's underage girlfriends

Giving away her clothing to "my lover"

Having another completely separate family (with a dog!-found dog hair on my overcoat)

Cooking everyday for the kids to win their favor over her (she stayed home).

Oh yea,

After she beat me, the bruises were caused by BDSM sex with "my lover"

[Wastedyears25]

Projection yes. And there's quite a few examples.

Mine snored quite badly so I would nudge him to change position. This was met with anger and blame. I was the one with the problem - his snoring should not bother me and I was in fact keeping him awake by trying to move him. Why should HE lose sleep as it was MY problem !

Wow! I was told the same thing almost verbatim.

[SpringInMyStep]

I was accused of all the things she actually did to ME, but only after I pointed out (in email) that I was tired of being manipulated and used. She replied with a rant about how I abused and controlled her, systematically distanced her from friends and family, pressured her into sex when she didn't want it. ALL of this was exactly what she did to me. Exactly. I cut off contact after that.

[hergestridge]

Actually my wife could accuse me of anything if she was under preassure, but it was almost impossible to take seriously. For instance, if I told her that she really should not be drinking while on her medication then she accused me of being controlling.

I knew very well that I was not controlling and that I did let her do whatever she wanted to do in her life and I would support her. The very few times I suggested that she would something differently or *not* do somehting (you can count the occasions on one hand!), she would freak out and tell me I was controlling.

Since I knew I was not I thought of that as defensive nonsense and never even thought of it as an accusation.

[goateeki]

This is a GREAT thread.  It makes me think maybe I am not crazy.  Here are some of the craziest:

"I was angry about it 18 years ago and I'm angry about it now. I have never believed a word of what you've said about it." What my wife describes is an event in which a mutual acquaintance (female) hitched a ride with me to and from the neighborhood where I maintained my office, so she (the woman who carpooled with me) could attend a job interview.  When my wife called me in the car that evening, she asked "Who are you with?" I told her, and stated that our acquaintance was hitching a ride back with me from her job interview. My wife demanded that I hand the phone to our acquaintance. I did. My wife screamed "Stay away from my husband!"  Needless to say, the young woman broke down in tears and cried for 15 minutes.  Can you imagine being angry for 18 years? To this day, my wife will not take responsibility for this event, and it is just one for which I am endlessly accused of infidelity. I have never even come close to infidelity.

Last November, out for dinner at a fancy restaurant for my birthday.  We are talking.  I mention a telephone conversation with my former law partner -- someone who is my good friend but with whom I have not worked in 13 years.  She throws down her silverware, throws her napkin on the table, and nearly shouts "You were talking with Kevin? I hate that you do that? I hate that about you! Why didn't you tell me?"  It was at this moment that I finally began to realize that there is something deeply wrong with her.

":)on't you have any pride?" This might be the most far out thing that she has ever said, when you understand the context.  I discovered that whilst in the midst of marriage counseling, she made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.  I asked her how she did not view this as an action that conflicts with the goals of marriage counseling, and she went berserk. She never answered the question, of course, but attacked me for not taking better care of our gold course like lawn, and cited as the basis for her criticism a few weeds that has sprouted in the wake of heavy rain two days before.  She accused me of "giving up on the house" while ten days before I had replaced the roof, and every door in the house and its hardware.

To me, these things really are a view into her mind.  It's why (it seems to me) there cannot be a marriage.  I feel like Rochester in Jane Eyre.  It's just a matter of time before this is brought to a conclusion, whether it be divorce or her setting fire to the house.  

 

[willtimeheal]

I brought a coworker a soda from McDonald's. Apparently that meant I had sex with them. Who knew?

[Forestaken]

I brought a coworker a soda from McDonald's. Apparently that meant I had sex with them. Who knew?

WOW - What would it mean if you purchased a Happy Meal? 

[Rise]

I brought a coworker a soda from McDonald's. Apparently that meant I had sex with them. Who knew?

WOW - What would it mean if you purchased a Happy Meal? 

A marriage proposal?

[RisingSun]

This is such a fun thread. I want to share another one

My stbxw has cost me a few friendships over the years. I'm hyper vigilant when it comes to her saying crazy off the wall stuff to others I value

to have in my life.

One evening, at a party, she walked up to one of my closest friends and accused him of being sexist. I didn't happen to be there at the time to hear this.

She came home and told me what she said. She was proud of the fact she spoke up for herself. My friend needed to hear how she felt about him!

This friend she called a sexist is no where close to being a sexist. He's a kind, big hearted person, I've never heard him say a derogatory word to or about a woman.

By no means was he deserving of a verbal assault.

I responded calmly when she so proudly told me of her verbal digression. I told her this friend meant a lot to me and that I hoped she didn't ruin our friendship.

She then accused me of being a sexist and "how dare I not protect her from the likes of this sexist creep" aka my best friend.

This argument went on for awhile. Always ending up back to me looking like the sexist creep protecting his best friend, the other sexist creep.

She never would go into detail of how we deserved being called sexists.

It ended up all about me not supporting her view and being accused of not protecting her from, you know, sexist creeps (like myself, mind you).

A few days had passed and I told her I spoke with my friend about the sexist comment. Told her I wanted to make sure things were ok between my friend and I.

Holy narc fit! I committed a double betrayal. Her perspective, I should have told my friend that he should apologize to her, because he's a sexist. Again, I wasn't

being supportive. Because if she says a man is a sexist, they're sexist. If you disagree with her view, you're accused of being sexist.

 

   

[whirlpoollife]

I wasn't going to post but have to. Vice versa,  I had the infertility problems,  h's sperm was fine.  When I didn't get pregnant , it was because I didn't do it all correctly for him. (I won't get into details)

The only reason he went to work is because I made him.

I wasn't just talking gardening with our neighbor, I was "getting a little something" ( neighbor was 87)

That I enjoyed my yearly GYN exams.

[Tolou]

Lets see... .

After writing her a letter from the bottom of my heart,

"My therapist said your socio-path"

"Your insecure and like to hurt woman"

"If you never loved me, why did you kiss me"

"You like to hurt people, because your sick"

"If you knew I was molested, why did you even touch me"

"I am anthiest now"

"If there was a God you would talk to me and be my friend"

"Your a womanizer"

"You hate your mother"

"You used me"

I don't know how I could have been anymore patient or supportive with her needs? I am far from those things, but to hear someone you cared for and tried so much to help and get through to say those things, very hurtful:   Luckily she will find someone who will:

[grassfedk]

This thread is cathartic.  Here goes:

"You've been a terrible father."

"You are completely selfish and live like a bachelor."

"You made the first 14 years of our marriage terrible when we lived in _____."

"You fooled me by telling me you were a Romantic."

"I never loved you."

"You want to leave me because you're gay."

"You always only think about yourself."

And on and on... .

Everyone else in my life has always seemed to like and respect me, but I began to believe that these terrible things must be true.  What a relief to find this site.

[buterfly]

Off the top of my head... .

Being selfish

Financially abusing him

Not showing enough love/emotion

Having a f--- up childhood

Aborting our child (completely mutual decision when we were young)

Sleeping with my therapist

Running away all of the time/running from my problems

Being afraid of confrontation.

Having a drinking problem (my favorite therapy scapegoat)

Being a horrible girlfriend, a horrible wife, and being a future horrible mother

Spending to much time at work, being an overachiever

Leaving him "all alone," anytime I did anything without him

Falling asleep to early

Never planning anything for us to do

Over planning

Not cooking

Over cooking, then doing things just to make him happy

Spending too much on groceries and dog food

Talking sh-- about him in my journal, well technically I did this but it was true sh--

Getting fat like my sister

Having too many health problems

Screwing up all the time

Not enjoying sex

Withholding sex

Being boring in bed

Making him over eat

Being lazy

Only thinking about myself

Not listening

Controlling

Being grumpy

Being too quiet around his family

Talking too much around his family

I love this... .So releasing... .But I could be here all day... .Thanks... .

[buterfly]

How could I forget my three favorites... .

You don't love me

You are a feminist man hater with daddy issues

You think you are perfect (you expect me to be perfect)

O.k. Now I think I'm done

[MommaBear]

Off the top of my head... .

Being selfish

Financially abusing him

Not showing enough love/emotion

Having a f--- up childhood

Aborting our child (completely mutual decision when we were young)

Sleeping with my therapist

Running away all of the time/running from my problems

Being afraid of confrontation.

Having a drinking problem (my favorite therapy scapegoat)

Being a horrible girlfriend, a horrible wife, and being a future horrible mother

Spending to much time at work, being an overachiever

Leaving him "all alone," anytime I did anything without him

Falling asleep to early

Never planning anything for us to do

Over planning

Not cooking

Over cooking, then doing things just to make him happy

Spending too much on groceries and dog food

Talking sh-- about him in my journal, well technically I did this but it was true sh--

Getting fat like my sister

Having too many health problems

Screwing up all the time

Not enjoying sex

Withholding sex

Being boring in bed

Making him over eat

Being lazy

Only thinking about myself

Not listening

Controlling

Being grumpy

Being too quiet around his family

Talking too much around his family

I love this... .So releasing... .But I could be here all day... .Thanks... .

Did we marry the same guy? I'd say I've been accused of about 90% of these!

I'm going to add a few gems:

Never cook anything good.

Don't comfort him when a zombie movie scared him.

Don't want sex after working 15 hours.

Too intellectual.

Not smart enough.

Too emotional.

Too sensitive.

Too cold.

Too emotionless.

Wasn't "into" sex.

Too horny.

Think too much.

Know too much.

Doesn't "get it".

Don't have enough friends.

Too social.

Cheated.

Too cold and distant around men.

Building my career too fast.

Don't earn enough money.

Dress too sexy.

Don't dress up enough.

You get the idea.

[Forestaken]

I wasn't going to post but have to. Vice versa,  I had the infertility problems,  h's sperm was fine.  When I didn't get pregnant , it was because I didn't do it all correctly for him. (I won't get into details)

You could've bought "Karma Sutra" from Amazon but then he would've accused you of skipping certain pages.

[MommaBear]

How could I forget my three favorites... .

You don't love me

You are a feminist man hater with daddy issues

You think you are perfect (you expect me to be perfect)

O.k. Now I think I'm done

WOW we DID marry the same man!

[Rise]

Don't comfort him when a zombie movie scared him.

After having read all the stuff that people on here have been accused of, why is this the one that just makes me lose it?

[Mutt]

The thread has reached it's post limit and is now closed. It's a worthwhile topic and you are welcome with opening a new thread. Thank you.