Silent Treatment Redux

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been reading everything I can find on ST. But I need help. It has been more than a month since he left my house angry, but there was no break up or even a discussion of such. There has been low contact on a "need to know" basis after an intimate (albeit tumultuous) one year relationship. From someone who went into a panic if he couldn't reach me 24-7, he has cut me off almost completely. To my knowledge, there is no other woman or r/s in the mix. This is pure anger about my confronting him about money that he committed to repay. Everything I have read about trying to find out what is going on with him says I will only be feeding my abuser. At first, I was genuinely concerned for his well being. Now I know that in his mind he is punishing me, for what; I don't know. I financially supported him, his sons and his bottomless pit of "needs" for a year; now he's dumped me? I honestly don't know. He makes 500% more in earned income than I but becomes angry when I asked to be paid back. Can someone please explain what is going on and what I should do?

[Loveofhislife]

I have been reading everything I can find on ST. But I need help. It has been more than a month since he left my house angry, but there was no break up or even a discussion of such. There has been low contact on a "need to know" basis after an intimate (albeit tumultuous) one year relationship. From someone who went into a panic if he couldn't reach me 24-7, he has cut me off almost completely. To my knowledge, there is no other woman or r/s in the mix. This is pure anger about my confronting him about money that he committed to repay. Everything I have read about trying to find out what is going on with him says I will only be feeding my abuser. At first, I was genuinely concerned for his well being. Now I know that in his mind he is punishing me, for what; I don't know. I financially supported him, his sons and his bottomless pit of "needs" for a year; now he's dumped me? I honestly don't know. He makes 500% more in earned income than I but becomes angry when I asked to be paid back. Can someone please explain what is going on and what I should do?

[Suspicious1]

After my very similar ending, I found this article amazingly helpful: www.powercommunicating.com

It made me angry enough to go NC which I believe is the only way to take back control and get your own closure when they do ST. It's punishment and control and it's awful. It's the way my relationship ended too, with no official break up - just silence because I wouldn't accept his bad treatment of me. Hugs as I know how painful it is. Don't blame yourself - sounds like you were generous and giving and no way do you deserve to be treated this way.

[Loveofhislife]

Suspicious1: thank you SO very much. It is really hurting today, as it was August 1 when he promised to "help" me: his way of feeling better about paying the money he owed--listen to the control even in those words. He said multiple times, "If I pay you back, you won't need me anymore." Mostly, thank you for your kind words--I do continue to beat up on myself. And the article you sent is spot on!

[Suspicious1]

I think we have similar stories - I was with mine for 18 months and he was SO protective, panicking if he didn't hear from me etc, racing over here if he thought I was in trouble. Yet the times I was split black, I swear I could have been dying on the street in front of him and he'd have stepped over me. It was utterly confusing and very traumatic.

There's a book called the No Contact Rule which talks about getting your own closure and I found it quite empowering. Big hugs though. I found it absolute hell but turned the corner after 10 weeks or so. That way of walking out on a relationship is utterly evil. He did it to me several times but only this time have I had enough ST to be able to move on.

I really hope you find peace soon. I don't underestimate how hard it must be for you, and how torturing the cognitive dissonance is.