Heard from her for the first time in 4 months. Really shooken up

[zenwexler]

 I've gone over 3 months was about to hit 4. She called me from an unknown number. I didn't think twice. I picked up and it was her, She knew I had her blocked. She used her roommates phone. I played it off as my phone is broken. She apparently has tried to call me a bunch and texted me. I just moved to San Diego. She told me she plans on moving to San Diego as well. Said she was moving with a few people but DID NOT mention her BF  I'm like shaking. She tried to ask about my love life. I just casually changed the subject. She sounded a little tipsy. She mentioned her bf. I have no idea if they are still dating or what. She  mentioned him briefly and just said well that's a whole 'another story. I didn't ask. Again. Just skipped over it and changed the subject. She was for sure tipsy because she was all sweet and nice. She told me to text her tomorrow. She called me at 12:30 in the morning!

If she's single. Then that's crazy. Just a few months ago she told me she was falling in love with the kid. If she's still dating him. Then why the hell is she going to such great lengths to hit me up. Like using her roommates phone!

My sister in law said her instagram is filled with pics from her bf so I guess they are still together. But like is there trouble in paradise? Is she in the process of breaking up? I'm just so freaking confused. And naturally my mind is racing. She called me again the next day. I ignored it. I don't know what to do. Do I call her back? should I text her? I haven't heard from her again. It's be a few days.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Hey Zen,

I understand the emotion and confusion that contact can bring out in us from our exs. I personally think if there is trouble in paradise as there always is at some point usually no good can come of it from my experience. Shes probably trying to either triangulate you to take off some of the edge with the new guy/make him jealous or on the flipside is prepping you for the inevitable fallout she knows is coming in her new relationship. Either way somethings amiss in BPD land and you are the one she turned to for her needs atm.

You need to ask yourself a few things. Whats the point of you wanting to contact? Are you trying to rengage and attempt a recycle or just more curious to catch up casually about her intents/current life? Either way you need to be prepared for more hurt and protect yourself with boundaries. You must be in a strong position when contacting her or else she will take the power that you now have back.

[zenwexler]

I can't lie. I would like to attempt a relationship with her. I would have expected her to text me or something.I mean. We spoke for the first time in 4 months. But haven't heard from her. Although she did call me again after we talked. But I didn't pick up.

I'm confused and scared. Since we talked I have done nothing but fantasize about getting back together. I mean, of all places for her to move it's going to be San Diego? Where I just moved to?

The initial call sounded like trouble in paradise and then like I'm moving to where you are. How can I not think of getting back together with her. but then like I haven't heard from her and I'm afraid of making a move. I don't want to make a mistake or get sucked in and have her be like "Uhh, hey, we're just friends. I don't want to date you" Like we have don't so many times before.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I can't lie. I would like to attempt a relationship with her.

Understandable my friend as if i was in your position id probably feel the same way. We have such a close bond in the relationship with our exs who wouldnt want to reignite the spark and feel idealized with their sweet,kind,caring side its like a drug for our egos. But on the flipside you have to remember her blinding light comes with that shrouding darkness and just like yin there is a yang but without the balance of the opposites and more dysregualtion/chaos. If you can accept her for both then if youd like attempt another go if given the opportunity.

But haven't heard from her. Although she did call me again after we talked. But I didn't pick up.

She may have felt rejected at the fact that you didnt pick up and is now triggered and waiting for you to make the move. Or simply is preoccupied with something/someone else atm. Its hard to say.

I'm confused and scared. Since we talked I have done nothing but fantasize about getting back together. I mean, of all places for her to move it's going to be San Diego? Where I just moved to?

I can see why youd be confused and scared. I mean this girl broke your heart and now she may want back in. Her communication seems to be coveying mixed messages as well. Yes it is a bit suspect she moved to where you live... if i was a betting man id say she has an angle.

The initial call sounded like trouble in paradise and then like I'm moving to where you are. How can I not think of getting back together with her. but then like I haven't heard from her and I'm afraid of making a move. I don't want to make a mistake or get sucked in and have her be like "Uhh, hey, we're just friends. I don't want to date you" Like we have don't so many times before.

Well she definitely wants back in your headspace hence this call so it only makes sense that youd be thinking about reuniting since shes probably conveniently planted the thought. And again shes probably waiting on you to make the move for her own egos saftey. But if you dont want to be sucked in at all you need to keep your distance for now till your stronger because tbh from the sound of it just this contact alone has affected you alot. All the emotions rushing back. I understand it happened to me. But imagine seeing her do you think a friendship would honestly work? I know i convinced myself of that and 2 days later we were sleeping together and dating again. Not saying this will happen for sure with you but just sharing my experience.

All im saying is you first need to deciede what you want a friendship or a relationship with this girl before you make any contact IMO.   

[zenwexler]

I don't want a friendship with her. I would want to date her. When we talked she asked where I lived and wanted me to send her the info. Granite I found a great cheap location but still. I would honestly only want to move forward and reach out if she was breaking up with her bf and wanted a relationship with me.

I forgot to mention that she even asked to come visit. She said if she came to check out San Diego could she stay at my place. I hadn't talked to her in 4 months!

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I misunderstood. My bad man. Yea if youre all for giving the relationship another go then i say call her. Its more personal and it leaves out not being able to read her emotional responses/reactions of texts. But i would make sure to question the intent of her call first. See how she responds then possibly based on that bring up the boyfriend and how you feel about her.

Yea definitely sounds like she wants to reengage and i think you have a good shot if shes already wanting to stay with you!

[zenwexler]

I guess I'm afraid to call her. I was originally going to just text her.

[zenwexler]

I really only want to open up the lines of communication again if she wants a relationship :/