What I Don't Miss

[Loveofhislife]

Good evening to all.  On this day when many have documented their suffering, I thought this might help me:  reminding myself that his Silent Treatment is a true blessing--especially in light of my new diagnosis from cortisol overload:

10 Things I Don't Miss About You:

--fearing that if I bathe or go to the bathroom, you will become agitated and upset if/when I don't answer your call or text immediately

--fearing that when one of my friends or a member of my family asks me to get together, that  you will go ballistic and pout and immediately start accusing me of cheating

--fearing that when I go to the store and buy ANYTHING, I will be criticized for spending MY money (because you feel entitled to it all)

--fearing that when I go to my office or a meeting with my business partner, you will repeatedly call and text me and accuse me of cheating with my boss

--suffering the sleep deprivation caused from staying up texting you all night to convince you that I'm not cheating with my boss and/or my ex husband

--opening my credit card bill only to see what you have charged without my knowing and trying once again to set boundaries with you about spending MY money

--begging  you to go pick up your sons on your day or your weekend of shared custody--only so that you can accuse me of looking for a reason to sneak behind your back to cheat with my boss or ex husband

--taking you ANYWHERE that costs money, knowing I would get stuck with the check

--going out of town on business or with family (with whom I shared hotel/motel rooms), and I had to hide in the bathroom all night talking to you to convince you I wasn't cheating

--constantly being reminded that I'm almost helpless and in need of you (everything from taking out the garbage to how to empty litter boxes)

THERE ARE LOTS MORE; WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOURS, BPD FAMILY

[drummerboy]

---- the non stop phone calls/texts that were all about their self created crisis that never contained any recognition as a person, a quick "how are you doing" would have been nice now and then.

---- the constant phone calls to your mother when you would tell her every intimate detail of our relationship.

---- the non stop worrying about every little inconsequential thing in their life.

---- the never taking responsibility for their actions.

---- the total over sharing of every last detail of your life. I really wasn't that interested in how easy you found it to pick up a guy when you wanted sex.

---- the way you made everything about you and that you were never the least bit interested in anything that was happening in my life.

---- the panic attacks/hyperventilating whenever I called you on your totally selfish/self absorbed behaviour

---- the complete disregard you had for other people and the way you would tell me about it without batting an eyelid.

---- the way you constantly interupted me and spoke over me in conversation, especially after I'd listened to you without interrupting you for hours

[Wastedyears25]

--Being held responsible for your cheating.

--having holidays, birthdays and vacations ruined by your raging then pouting making everyone focus on you.

--making me feel guilty for expressing my opinion.

--being told I was a failure because I couldn't make you happy.

--your drug addiction

--having to edit and re-edit what I wanted to say in my mind before speaking.

-- that no argument was ever what it seemed to be about, it was never option A or option B, it was always secret option C, that I had no idea existed.

--trying to defend things said and done 10 days, 10 months to 10 years ago. Some things I don't even remember.

--having my words twisted and used against me.

--that you showed the best of you to the rest of the world and saved the worst of you for your family.

[Loveofhislife]

Bauie and Wastedyears--thanks! I hope this little exercise helped you, I plan to print mine out and tape it to my bathroom mirror or wherever I am having a weak moment when I want to break NC.

[Witchway]

--- Me questioning my mental health.

--- Me questioning my view of reality.

[Mr Hollande]

The fear and the worry!

[Suspicious1]

- Crying in the shower, morning after morning.

- Waiting for the next devalue/discard.

- Not being able to plan things ahead like holidays or birthdays or even theatre tickets because by the time it comes round I might have been split black and he might not be talking to me.

- The fear that he's going to assault someone, and having to stop him starting a fight with my ex husband.

- Having to watch him chatting away to people on messenger and friend loads of women on social media while refusing to acknowledge me on there.

- Having the constant presence of his ex girlfriend and my husband's new girlfriend in my life, despite desperately wanting to move on, because he insists on keeping them as close friends and messaging them in my presence.

- Having to sweep any interactions with my ex husband under the carpet because of his jealousy and insecurity. Having to constantly justify why I think he should still be part of our children's lives.

- Being made to feel guilty for not wanting to remarry or have more children.

- Knowing that eventually every feeling or thought I confide to him will be twisted and used against me.

- Constantly taking second place to his work-outs.

- Being sexually rejected time after time after time after time... .

- Having to listen to endless chat about body building or violence.

- His annoying dietary preferences.

- Endless conversations about the topic of the moment, which are dropped as quickly as they're picked up, but waste a stupid amount of time in between.

- Being sneered at.

[Suspicious1]

Oh! Also... .

- The circular arguments, straw man tactics, passive aggression every time I have an issue I want to discuss.

- The way EVERYTHING had to be seen as adversarial.

- The way he thought interrupting and talking over me was a way to "win" an difference of opinions.

- His arrogance and vanity.

[camuse]

Yes it's bizarre, I have had breakups before with much nice women, and pretty much just moved on with my life. Some I kept contact with, was happy for them to move on too. Normal.

I have been really frustrated and confused why on earth this breakup - from a relationship I actually did not enjoy and ended myself many times - was taking me months and months to even begin to come to terms with. It is of course the intensity, the push/pull, the rages that come from nowhere and vanish as quickly, the shattered illusion - it all derives from the idealisation.

I had been concerned for the future, that this could happen again. But lately I've accepted that this was entirely my own fault. I ignored red flags, I knew it was not right, I remember thinking it very early on. The first recycle was after about 1 month I think, I remember thinking, just walk away. Just leave, it isn't right. But I stayed. I got what I deserved.

In the future, it will be my choice whether to ignore my own gut again. I do not think I will ever ever again. But if I do, then I only have myself to blame.

[blissful_camper]

Great idea, loveofhislife!   

Here's my list.   

10 things I don't miss about you:

— your lack of integrity

— walking on eggshells

— being distracted by chaos and drama

— having to direct much of my focus to you at the expense of my work and professional goals

— lack of sleep and fatigue due to your manufacturing drama and chaos

— being unhappy in an unhealthy relationship with you

— questioning my perception of my experiences with you

— your emotional and verbal abuse

— your efforts to undermine my attempts to create a healthy and stable relationship environment

— your lack of transparency

[buterfly]

- Critism of my style, and being told to go shopping, then meeting more Critism of my style and spending of my money when I come home with new clothes.

- being forced to stay up late at night to listen to you rant and rave about why I am such a horrible person, then crying myself to sleep

- accusations... .Enough said

- not being heard

- putting aside my career for you

- the fear of what mood you will be in when I get home

- playing into your victim role

- waking up every day trying to figure out how to keep you happy

- lack of privacy

- constant stress to be followed by health problems

[freedom33]

1) Our two modes of being as a couple - either you one up and in control or you one up and in control... .

2) Your baiting tactics

3) The mindgames and crazy making behaviours

4) The manipulation, lies and deceit

5) Your flirting and possible cheating with other guys

6) The constant blaming of others and mainly me

7) The utter disrespect and shaming

8) The unprecedented appetite for vindictive and punishing behaviours

9) The constant anxiety while being with you or without you

10) Most importantly the sadistic smile I will never forget you had on your face after taking revenge and getting me close to breaking point. Thank you for that wake up call. It was evidence of your true feelings which made me leave you.  

[blissful_camper]

- lack of privacy

+1.  Yes!  

My ex claimed to be a very private person.  He was telling me what I wanted to hear because I'm a private person.  If I choose to share the details of my personal life, I do so with my family or a couple of close friends whom I know I can trust and confide in.  Before and after me, my ex has selected women who TMI, to anyone who will listen.  In the small community where he resides, sharing information with one or two people means sharing with all.  

[Indyan]

--Being held responsible for your cheating. In my case it was contacting an attorney behind my back

--having holidays, birthdays and vacations ruined by your raging then pouting making everyone focus on you.

--making me feel guilty for expressing my opinion. and my feelings... .

--having to edit and re-edit what I wanted to say in my mind before speaking.

-- that no argument was ever what it seemed to be about, it was never option A or option B, it was always secret option C, that I had no idea existed.

--trying to defend things said and done 10 days, 10 months to 10 years ago. Some things I don't even remember.

--having my words twisted and used against me.

--that you showed the best of you to the rest of the world and saved the worst of you for your family.

Indeed

[Tater tot]

Love this, here are mine:

- having you talk on and on and on about your interests, never about mine

- how you shoot down most ideas because you really don't enjoy life in general, let alone traveling, trying new restaurants, etc

- oh and you never want to plan anything

- hearing you go off about most of your daily interactions with others and how they are either stupid or disrespected you

- your lack of an emotional connection

- how you would listen to my fears, concerns or worries but if I brought them up a second time, you got pissed that I just didn't get over it

- your weird sleeping habits

- your strict dietary preferences

- your need to take tons of selfies a day

- your constant fishing for compliments

- how you put down most members of your family

[Indyan]

Love this, here are mine:

- your need to take tons of selfies a day

- your constant fishing for compliments

- how you put down most members of your family

Wow, that really sounds NP-like.

My BPDbf hates pictures of himself.

[hergestridge]

I don't miss being with someone who doesn't really enjoy my company. That was just horrible and degrading.

[RisingSun]

What I don't miss, in no particular order;

- Accused of being argumentative if I disagree with her perspective

- Her telling me I'm incapable of connecting with my emotions ( I shut them down just to deal with the abuse)

- Never having true resolution of conflicts

- Her bringing up conflicts/issues from 10 years ago like they happened yesterday

- Accusations, accusations and more accusations

- Her projecting her feelings and thoughts onto me and forcing me to own them

- Rage, violence, belittling

- Hearing about how unhappy she is with me, the relationship and life in general

- Feeling like what I did for her was ever good enough, always feeling like I was one step behind meeting her needs, even directly after meeting one of her needs.

- My needs rarely being considered, unless it was on her terms

- etc, etc, etc... .

[Ihope2]

* getting Whatsapp messages and distressed phonecalls from him while I was at work that he was cutting himself and no matter how deeply he cuts, he feels nothing;

* getting Whatsapp messages while I was  away on a Saturday morning for a once a week walk with my sister, to blame me for wanting to spend more time with her than with him;

* having him offer to do grocery shopping for me in the week after work, but then he absconded for hours with the money and the car, and then started sending distressed Whatsapp messages that he was lost, or felt strange, and could not walk into the shop but would come back many hours later with nothing, and mostly the money was gone;

* having him sit around at home all day, telling me he was bored and that "We have to find me a job";

* having him go through all my personal possessions and some of them went missing, eg a diamond ring my late father gave me for my 21st birthday;

* having him fiddle with my laptop at home and somehow make the whole system crash, which then needed to be fixed at great expense;

* have him tell me that if I loved him, I would not be so obsessed with my job and my regular income, but would sell my house and go and live where-ever with him even if we become poor, he would always love me;

* having him fall to pieces when I had to overnight elsewhere on a work teambuilding event - he could not stop sending me Whatsapp messages and wrote the most bizarre and alarming things to me;

* having him accuse me of sleeping with a male colleague, just because I got a lift with him in the same car to the above teambuilding event;

* accuse me of meeting someone in my neighbourhood when I went out for a run after work (after offering for him to come with me but he declined);

* have him double up on his monthly prescription tranquiliser and opioid stabilising meds, and expect me to lie on his behalf at the doctor and pharmacy;

* lock himself away for days on end in the spare bedroom, but then bombard me the entire night with text messages on my mobile phone, which I happen to use as an alarm clock to get up early for work. In the end, I put the phone on silent (luckily the alarm tone still sounded on the alarm clock!) and put it face down on the carpet next to my bed, so that I would not have to see the face light up each time he sent another frantic message... .

Oh Lordy, this is just all the stuff I remember now... .Peace be upon us all!

[drummerboy]

Ihope, WOW, I can't imagine what a nightmare you must have lived with him, makes me realise how lucky I was not to go through that sort of stuff. I hope things are getting better in your life now and you are finding some peace.

* getting Whatsapp messages and distressed phonecalls from him while I was at work that he was cutting himself and no matter how deeply he cuts, he feels nothing;

* getting Whatsapp messages while I was  away on a Saturday morning for a once a week walk with my sister, to blame me for wanting to spend more time with her than with him;

* having him offer to do grocery shopping for me in the week after work, but then he absconded for hours with the money and the car, and then started sending distressed Whatsapp messages that he was lost, or felt strange, and could not walk into the shop but would come back many hours later with nothing, and mostly the money was gone;

* having him sit around at home all day, telling me he was bored and that "We have to find me a job";

* having him go through all my personal possessions and some of them went missing, eg a diamond ring my late father gave me for my 21st birthday;

* having him fiddle with my laptop at home and somehow make the whole system crash, which then needed to be fixed at great expense;

* have him tell me that if I loved him, I would not be so obsessed with my job and my regular income, but would sell my house and go and live where-ever with him even if we become poor, he would always love me;

* having him fall to pieces when I had to overnight elsewhere on a work teambuilding event - he could not stop sending me Whatsapp messages and wrote the most bizarre and alarming things to me;

* having him accuse me of sleeping with a male colleague, just because I got a lift with him in the same car to the above teambuilding event;

* accuse me of meeting someone in my neighbourhood when I went out for a run after work (after offering for him to come with me but he declined);

* have him double up on his monthly prescription tranquiliser and opioid stabilising meds, and expect me to lie on his behalf at the doctor and pharmacy;

* lock himself away for days on end in the spare bedroom, but then bombard me the entire night with text messages on my mobile phone, which I happen to use as an alarm clock to get up early for work. In the end, I put the phone on silent (luckily the alarm tone still sounded on the alarm clock!) and put it face down on the carpet next to my bed, so that I would not have to see the face light up each time he sent another frantic message... .

Oh Lordy, this is just all the stuff I remember now... .Peace be upon us all!

[Pieter2]

Here are mine:

1. Having the life and joy sucked out of literally every day and to have every occasion, outing or event ruined.

2. Having all relationships (Family/Friends/Colleagues) ruined and being isolated from the world.

3. Having to put all my interests aside and to only being able to talk about her.

4. Being put down and devalued, especially when something great happens to me.

5. The raging and punishment/revenge over me treating her nice.

6. The total destruction of anything that brought me joy in life.

7. Sitting at home alone with her all the time, every day and her still being angry/annoyed all the time.

8. The goal posts always moving on her needs.

9. Her inability to stick to anything or keep the same opinion for a minute - Then it changes and I'm wrong again.

10. Lack of boundaries and the attention ___ behaviors that came with it/flirting inappropriately etc. 

[Tibbles]

It's amazing that reading everyone's - some are so similar to m ine. BPD really are similar.

Here goes

- being really scared when the phone goes cause I know I will say the wrong thing by the tone of my voice and a rage will come.

- hearing my family criticised and feeling any contact will create issues.

- not being able to go out with friends cause I should be spending all my time with ex

- driving in the car and feeling trapped by negativity

- constant criticism of everyone and everything

- trying to guess what the appropriate thing to say is so there is no explosion

- only relaxing when ex is asleep

- getting through the week-ends as if they were a mine field waiting to blow and feeling so relieved when nothing bad happened

- having my mental state constantly questioned - being asked to rate my functioning on a scale of 1-10

- having monologues that go on for hours till the small hours of the morning cause ex has an emotion and the only way he could deal with it was to talk at me.

I am so glad I am out!

[Ihope2]

Ihope, WOW, I can't imagine what a nightmare you must have lived with him, makes me realise how lucky I was not to go through that sort of stuff. I hope things are getting better in your life now and you are finding some peace.

* getting Whatsapp messages and distressed phonecalls from him while I was at work that he was cutting himself and no matter how deeply he cuts, he feels nothing;

* getting Whatsapp messages while I was  away on a Saturday morning for a once a week walk with my sister, to blame me for wanting to spend more time with her than with him;

* having him offer to do grocery shopping for me in the week after work, but then he absconded for hours with the money and the car, and then started sending distressed Whatsapp messages that he was lost, or felt strange, and could not walk into the shop but would come back many hours later with nothing, and mostly the money was gone;

* having him sit around at home all day, telling me he was bored and that "We have to find me a job";

* having him go through all my personal possessions and some of them went missing, eg a diamond ring my late father gave me for my 21st birthday;

* having him fiddle with my laptop at home and somehow make the whole system crash, which then needed to be fixed at great expense;

* have him tell me that if I loved him, I would not be so obsessed with my job and my regular income, but would sell my house and go and live where-ever with him even if we become poor, he would always love me;

* having him fall to pieces when I had to overnight elsewhere on a work teambuilding event - he could not stop sending me Whatsapp messages and wrote the most bizarre and alarming things to me;

* having him accuse me of sleeping with a male colleague, just because I got a lift with him in the same car to the above teambuilding event;

* accuse me of meeting someone in my neighbourhood when I went out for a run after work (after offering for him to come with me but he declined);

* have him double up on his monthly prescription tranquiliser and opioid stabilising meds, and expect me to lie on his behalf at the doctor and pharmacy;

* lock himself away for days on end in the spare bedroom, but then bombard me the entire night with text messages on my mobile phone, which I happen to use as an alarm clock to get up early for work. In the end, I put the phone on silent (luckily the alarm tone still sounded on the alarm clock!) and put it face down on the carpet next to my bed, so that I would not have to see the face light up each time he sent another frantic message... .

Oh Lordy, this is just all the stuff I remember now... .Peace be upon us all!

Thank you, I realise the full extent of his damaged personality now in hindsight.  I am almost 6 months out now (since we split up and he left my home never to return).  I also realise the full extent of my own dynamic and how much of  propensity I had for this type of trauma bond relationship with such a damaged soul.  In hindsight, this was all such a big wake up call and a learning for me.  I still feel shell-shocked at times by it all.

[Pingo]

What I don't miss:

-His invading my privacy time and time again, reading texts, emails, fb messages, looking at the computer history, making me hyper vigilant about signing out of my fb, emails, etc (which is not how I like to live, I'm normally an open and trustworthy person but it was the only way for me to have boundaries)

-Never telling me when he'd be home from a trip, always wanting to 'surprise' me, catch me off guard

-His secrecy

-His constant conspiracy theories

-Him calling me a 'sheeple' for not believing in all the conspiracy theories

-Vacation after vacation ruined because of him sulking about something I did or did not do.

-Me and my kids being trapped in a vehicle for a 12 hr. trip with him giving us the silent treatment and driving like a maniac.

-Him spending the whole month of December sulking because December was the anniversary of his accident 10 yrs ago in which he got an acquired brain injury therefore he had to ruminate about it for a month every year and everyone had to feel sorry for him and if they didn't they were evil.

-My feeling like he wanted to possess me, didn't see me as an individual, only an object.

-My constant stress, having to censor myself to avoid any possible silent treatment (usually unsuccessfully)

-My living with a constant feeling of fear, never knowing what he was capable of.

-The veiled threats he would make

-The rough 'play' fighting which made me feel very vulnerable and afraid

And the thing I miss the least:

-The ambiguous feelings of whether I should stay or leave this r/s, never being able to trust my own feelings because of the FOG I was enveloped in.

[Trog]

+ False allegations or rape and abuse, mostly made to me but sometimes to others if I am to be punished

+ Using my money like water and then publically embarressing me if I complain about it

+ Being made to feel guily about things that happened 5 years ago... .or even ... .not at all.

+ Spending all our time with her friends and family while mine are pushed out because they are "bad for me"

+ Having my eating habits checked all the time.

+ Having my email account read through with a fine tooth comb.

+ Threatening me with prison or courts if I upset her over something or don't want to go see a terrible play (Could be anything really)

+ Having affection withheld one minute and then asking for sex the next like she wasn't just changing moods 10 times in the previous hour.

+ Rapid mood swings that end in physical violence, sometimes on me, mostly on her own body.

+ And finally, I will not miss watching her talk to people and things that are not ... .actually there and keeping me awake for 72 hours straight. I wont miss that.

[PhoenixBlack]

What I don't miss about you:

Constantly having to stroke your ego for fear of 'offending' you.

Wondering what seemingly trivial thing you will be offended at next and then project that back on me.

Calling me at work not caring that I have to skip a meeting because you don't know what to wear and are having a meltdown.

Calling me at work and getting offended that I can't talk because shock/horror, I have to work.

Pushing away all my friends because you can't accept that I might want to spend even a fraction of my time with anyone else.

The constant veiled accusations of cheating. And when I called you out on this behaviour the insistence that it must be true!

Your transparent interest in wanting to help with my work when you didn't believe that I was working.

Your simultaneous vanity and self loathing.

The sense of entitlement and having to pay for everything because you wanted to be treated like a princess.

Having to remember bizarre anniversaries and then getting silent treatment because I failed to.

Walking on eggshells and wondering when the next fight was coming.

That you made me question my sanity.

Knowing that no matter what I did, it was never good enough.

Your stalking behaviour.

That you put me in debt month after month.

Your manipulation, and emotional blackmail that made my life hell.

The silent treatment when you knew what it did to me.

That you almost destroyed me.

I know there's more, but that's all I could think of without dredging up too much.

[ajr5679]

what I wont miss.

1) always telling me we will do something and then never go anywhere with me.

2) her control.

3) always waiting for her to leave me because I had a need.

4) Me having needs that was not being met.

5) sex only being when she wanted it.

6) Her not caring at all about me.

just being lonely

[rollercoaster24]

Hi all

I've done this before ages ago, but need to remind myself to stop ruminating.

What I DONT MISS

Death threats, attempts on my life

Constant aggression/violence/talk of violence every 3-4 days during the whole 4 years I was involved with you

Walking on eggshells every day

Being deprived of sleep when you lived at my home, (always several nights per week)

Denigration of every aspect of my life, but most especially my family and your family

Ever present accusations of my cheating, (I never did once)

Not allowing me to have friends that I had established long before I ever met you, and ruining those friendships with your ever present violence, accusations and threats.

Continued Humiliation and Harrassment at my workplace, (faked interest in contributing and helping me at work which was never consistent).

Your lies which never ceased, and my inability to see this until it was way too late

Snooping through my personal stuff, (and my family's that boarded with me) but always keeping yours well out of reach.

Your lack of real effort to secure employment over the 4 years you were with me, and the 2 years before you met me

Calling yourself 'homeless' when technically you never were, since you always manage to parasite onto another 'target' to get your needs met, (usually and most often female) and if that failed, you reverted back to me or your elderly parents.

Calling yourself sexually and morally superior, but you aren't at all, the things you talk about or joke about, are totally inappropriate and sexually discriminating to women.

Spending money you didn't have and expecting me or your parents or someone else to hand everything to you on a plate, and then castigating everyone behind their backs because they wont give you money, whilst you kept your hand out for your Unemployment Benefit, and told outrageous lies so the Departments wouldn't hassle you further to seek work.

Lying to the Departments over why it has been so long since you worked, (considering you have a degree in Mining which is big money), when telling the truth, that you are Mentally Unwell would be the most honourable thing you could do.

Accusing me of it being all about money, and how you and I now don't have anything in common because you don't have any, and I now do. Yet when you met me and I had none, but worked like a Trojan, you still sponged off me and treated me like dirt at the same time.

Expecting me to give you all my money from my new business, and telling people you have been working/supporting me for the past 4 years in my new business, (which I only started 1.5 years ago after you left my home and we began long distance whilst you went back to sponging off your elderly parents again).

Calling our relationship a friendship, when it suited you.

Telling me we weren't in one and hadn't been for ages, when it suited you.

Cheating on me, the proof was always there, staring me in the eyes, but I failed to see it, (deep down I wanted to believe you were who you said you were).

Threats against my family and continued exposure to violence around them, causing all of us a massive amount of stress.

Spending money you didn't have, on stupid items then expecting me or your parents to bail you out continually.

Rabbiting on about how your always starving and homeless, but doing nothing constructive about it, when in reality you were never homeless, accommodation was available but you refused to behave and curb your violence, so in the end even your Mother and Father gave up on you, (a year now and you are not homeless, you have managed to con some other poor sole into providing you with free accommodation, then telling everyone how bad that is, (as if you are Ghandi or something).

I could go on and on too, (God I already have gone way past due).

Thanks for letting me share.

[Vivienne]

- being treated as an object, not a person with feelings and needs

- his anxiety attacks and suicide threats

- being treated like air when his daughters were around, even for days, just like I was not there

- him manipulatig the facts so it was always mine, never his fault

- being very secretive with his life

- his intimacy/commitment- phobia

- push - pull cycles

- emotional abuse and telling me I was too sensitive

- talking about his ex wife and how cruel she was to leave him, poor innocent chap

- his dirty laundry on the floor 

[tim_tom]

-- Having to deal with you always wanting the next big ticket purchase and never being happy for more then a few minutes after we bought something

-- Hearing you complain about life situations that most people would be envious of

-- Hearing you take the negative/pessimistic view of every situation and scenario

-- The regular bouts of silent treatment, sometimes I wasn't even sure why

-- Your punching and slapping me in the face when I wasn't complying

-- The extreme jealousy and histrionic/rageful reaction anytime a pretty girl even looked at me

-- The way you systematically eliminated all my friends for reason specific to them

-- The way you would get mad and text/phone bomb me if I didn't respond immediately. Even if you knew I was in a meeting

-- The way you complained so much about what my display of love, which actually made me want to show you less

-- The controlling behavior, everything had to be your way or the highway, what we ate, what I wore, what we did

-- The constant insinuation that I was helpless without you

-- The way you even tried to put yourself between me and my kids by encouraging me to work instead of spend time with them, and when I did, you would detach

-- The way you got pissed off if my kids ever mentioned my ex wife, and got jealous cause you felt they should love you more then their mother

-- The way I wasn't allowed to talk to me ex about anything, or let her do anything with the kids. I had to turn my new text alarm off just in case she texted me as you always needed to know who it was and would freak if it was her

-- The way you got mad if I let my ex take the kids for extra time, but complained about having the kids around too much

-- The way you wanted to know everything my ex wife was saying, accused me of hiding things even when I wasn't, and then when I told you made it 100x worse for me

-- Constantly making me feel like I owed you something because you helped with the kids, even though you insisted on doing it and I was supporting you financially

-- The way you railed on me for things you yourself did... good for the goose

-- The way I was never allowed to have a need or by annoyed with your behavior, it always resulted in you being mad at me

-- Walking on egg shells, but the end, I lived to not displease you, instead of pleasing you