Dreading the R.O. hearing...

[.cup.car]

- 21, exgf is 19, met when we were 17/15

- Thought ex was about to recycle me

- Connected the dots and figured out she was most likely stalking me instead

- Printed out 75 pages worth of crazy messages from her

- Tried to put a peace bond on her, was denied because of no immediate violent threat

- Went to the RCMP with 75 pages of crazy messages, they assured me it was criminal harassment and they'd talk to her, possibly press charges if she said anything other than "i'll leave him alone"

- RCMP couldn't find her (she's had prior issues) and four different officers advised me to apply for a restraining order

- An RCMP officer who had previously dealt with her described her as "vindictive" and "half-crazy", and explicitly stated to not "operate in the same hemisphere as her."

So the hearing is the 30th and I'm currently waiting for the process server to, well, serve her. I feel terrible for how much this alone will instigate things, especially as she'll most likely be served the court documents in front of all her coworkers, most of which I'm sure have heard plenty of stories about me already. The court we're supposed to attend is pretty far out of town and I can't see anyone other than her family giving her a ride there. I'm highly uncomfortable with the prospect of having to reveal absolutely everything in front of them, especially as I don't think they're aware the full extent or volume of which their daughter would fabricate abuse stories.

And I'm absolutely terrified this will all be turned against me. I've got 75 pages worth of proof (plus a police file number) that justify my application for a restraining order. And yet, all I read when I turn to Google are horror stories about Judges with favoritism or bias. I fully expect to get screwed over at some point. We were both very mean to each other and I'm sure she will try to exaggerate even the most insignificant things I've done.

For example, I got a pretty lengthy message from her younger sister, explaining that my ex has issues and I'm a "good guy for sticking around and giving her another chance." I'm sure this will turn into ".cup.car is stalking me through my sister!"

What should I expect from a R.O. application hearing?

[Thunderstruck]

You have to check the statute in your state. You may be able to classify it as cyber stalking but I don't know if that classifies as DV. The general rule is that you need to show some kind of threats. If she has a history of violence then that would help your case.

When DH went to court for uBPDx filing a RO against him, I watched a few of the cases before his. Basically the judge hears each side and looks at the evidence and rules.

If you're bringing evidence make sure you bring three copies: one for you, one for the judge, one for pwBPD.

Are you going to have witnesses?

[david]

If both of you were mean to each other than find a way to protect both parties. You stay away and she stays away. No contact by both parties.

My ex filed a protection order against me (actually 3 so far). The last one I requested she not be allowed to approach me too. The judge told her to stay in her residence whenever I come to pick our boys up. She has come out a few times but she never approached my car. I also have a video camera and she knows it.

[.cup.car]

There is definitely a history of violence. She's assaulted me twice and has previous DV issues with her dad. I have on record her admitting to one of the instances.

The chatlogs detail our bizarre relationship quite clearly. I know full well that on paper, this is a no brainer. Im basically worried about the judge siding with a pretty face.

[ForeverDad]

I don't know the laws there but in the USA you cannot be forced to incriminate yourself.  My lawyer said his first duty to his clients was to sit on them so they couldn't talk and make their cases any worse!  Remember the old wartime poster, Loose Lips Sink Ships.  Well, they can sink legal cases too.  So if you have a lawyer or councilor then review HOW to answer questions.  Full openness is nearly always not the way.  Answer questions as briefly as possible.  Often the initial answer is just fine but the added words trip us up or weaken what we just said.

Volunteering information or being overly forthcoming is risky.  For example, when ex makes counter-charges (to make you look just as bad or worse than her) just say No or Not True.  For much of this you don't have to explain yourself.  Remember, you talk too much and you'll provide information that might be used against you.

Be aware that an answer such as "Yes, but... ." boils down to "Yes".  Your qualification of the Yes with additional details may be ignored.  For example, ex claims you screamed at her.  You answer, "Yes but only after she screamed at me first."  Court will just conclude you really were screaming and might think you're part of the problem.  This might be better, not sure, "No, I didn't scream, but she was screaming at me and I tried to reason with her and to do so I had to talk a bit louder."  Hmm, try to stick to "No."  Remember, you probably aren't forced to incriminate yourself.  So don't.

It's okay not to remember every detail.  "I don't know" or "I don't remember" are valid answers.

It's okay to refer to your logs, journals or whatever when "refreshing" your memory.  Well, if the judge allows you the time to do so.

Frankly, it is harder for a man to get court protection.  Women are perceived as the more vulnerable gender by society.  (My -female- ex had threatened my life, was arrested, admitted in testimony that it was her on the recording, yet judge reasoned that without a weapon in hand then it was not an 'imminent' threat and therefore found her Not Guilty and dismissed the case.* )  So deal with what is.

If the judge is not inclined to 'protect' you, then maybe a mutual "stay away from each other" order without either party being assigned guilt may be a second best outcome.  However, that is a double-edged sword.  If you violate the terms of a mutual stay away order then you could face legal consequences.  Be very careful.

* Perhaps one reason the judge was so willing to dismiss the DV case was that it was the first time ever that my ex was in court facing charges.  If your exGF has had prior cases, try to use them, if admissible in court, to demonstrate a history of poor behaviors.  Do you know if she's had other arrests, police reports or cases with prior BFs or others?  If any exist then that would add weight to your own documentation and legal argument that you need her kept away from you.

[.cup.car]

Shes had more than a few run ins with the rcmp. In the chatlogs she admits this. The rcmp have confirmed this.