Feeling anger and recognising angry feelings

[Iamafaerie]

Feeling anger and recognising angry feelings for what they are, and accepting they are a normal human response is very different from expressing anger or responding angrily.

Eg: it's ok to say "I am feeling angry about that", but not OK to say "you make me angry"... .or "I am so angry I could... ." to our BPDd's.

Remember some of us have daughters in their forties. We have been trying to find answers and practise for decades.

PS my mother died five days ago. My mother with npd. I have reconciled with my brother who protected my mother from my sister with NPD when she became sick. It's a world of madness and lies and sorrow and such a waste.

I was given every letter I ever wrote to my mother. She saved everything. I have some of her hair and some of the soil from her burial place to put in my garden.

Maybe if I leave the letters here in my home, when I die, my daughter may get them and know that I tried to love my mother and she would not change her behaviour.

My brother said to me to "Say words about the facts of what someone did -  no blame - no dramatic words"

He said to my mother "you know mum, you have said some terrible things about my wife"... .and she changed towards his wife totally.

I wrote and "explained" what i wanted her to stop doing and she did not change towards me or admit anything.

What a shame I did not know this simple difference. I think the last letter I wrote to her that I found was written two years ago.

She died a peaceful death at the age of 88. Though she did tell my brother she was afraid of my npd sister.

I know she forgives me. I feel like I can mourn her now.

Today I dont seem to be able to do much. My house is a mess. We flew up for two days to help. We missed the funeral. I was too confused and afraid to go and had no money.

Thank you for listening to me. My poor mum. Poor us. My daughter told me my mum had died through my husbands FB page and I sent her message after message back. = all using the 'tools' = angry responses then no responses then blocking. what a mess

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Iamafaerie]

A little anger gives me energy, instead of despair. I don't know what that says about me as a person, but I seem to function better mad than sad.

Me too. At least it burns the adrenaline up that our poor ol' adrenaline glands keep shooting out.

[Iamafaerie]

I am leaving the forum now.

I am not so sure that all of the advise we give each other makes any difference to any outcome.

I was in a forum for narcissistic abuse once as well.

Not one response to my post after 48 hours. That hurt.

I wish you all peace and best wishes. I am going to focus on my own peace also.

[lever.]

Sometimes it takes a little while to get a response to a post-after all we are all over the world in different time zones-and sometimes goodness knows what is going on in our homes

I hope we will all find peace.

I have certainly found the advice and support on this forum has been very helpful-it is not going to resolve all the problems but it has certainly helped me to cope and prevented me from making some mistakes recently.

As for getting angry-yes it does feel better than despair.

I have felt furious at times and also heartbroken but all that emotion was making me feel ill. That's why I have found radical acceptance and mindfulness helpful.

I dare say I will have all those feelings again at some point-

If you see this Iamafaerie I wish you peace and happiness

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my mother died five days ago. My mother with npd. I have reconciled with my brother who protected my mother from my sister with NPD when she became sick. It's a world of madness and lies and sorrow and such a waste.

I'm sorry for all this pain, Iamafaerie.