car accident

[jellibeans]

My dd17 had a bad week last week. She was very sad and depressed. She won't tell me why. She broke up with her bf but see said that was not what was getting her down. All she could say was that she was going through a lot of stuff.

On Wednesday night she was cutting and managed to cut herself pretty badly. She sent my photos from school. said she was bleeding and needed to come home and change her clothes. I let her come home and change... .this was thursday during the day. She went back to school after and just missed a bit of one class.

Friday she calls crying... .someone said something about her appearance in her last class and she could not stay at school anymore. She had had enough. I asked her to go to the counselor first and talk with her but she just wanted to come home and I told her okay. I tried to call the counselor to try and intercept her but she was not in her office. So I wait for dd to come home... .time is going on and I am worried so I call a couple of times... .I finally get my stuff and head for the door to go look for her when I get a call from my husband telling me that she had had an accident. Lost control of the car coming around a corner and went through a fence and hit a tree.

I head directly to the ER to find her and beat the ambulance there. Spend the afternoon getting scans and xrays. Thankfully she is okay but she is badly bruised. She was not wearing her seatbelt and wasn't wearing shoes. My husband calls to tell me the police are on their way over to the ER to talk with her. Since dd was crying so hard and not able to talk they had to go through her purse to find ID. When they did that they found a homemade pipe made from a pen in her pencil case and they are going to charge her for having Paraphernalia. The police come and one of the officers remembers DD from her recent charge of evading police and feels sorry for her and they don't charge her.

We finally leave the hospital and come home. Dd has been very sore and not able to walk unassisted. She is in pain and is pretty banged up. I don't not think she will make it to school Monday.

I know dd has been trying pretty hard to be good. I do believe the pipe was old and that she has not been smoking. The corner she had the accident on was very uneven and I can see that it would be easy to lose control. The owner said this was the third time he had someone come through his fence.

sorry for going on but I am just so tired. We now have to see if the car is a write off or not. What will we do? I will now have to drive my dd to and from school everyday. Seems like I am the one that is being punished. She is a transfer student so she doesn't have bus transport.

So do we get another car? I am not sure what to do but I did tell her she needed to find a job and make some money. I don't think we should get another car until we see some effort on her side. I just don't know if she is up to it or not. I welcome all input on this problem.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I am really glad your dd is physically going to be fine.

I think you're right in waiting on the car, it doesn't make sense to get another car if she isn't stable enough to handle it, or responsible enough.

I am sorry you're going through this, stay strong my friend. Hugs.

[Sstepdad]

 In my state schools have a bus system can't she just take the bus?

My Sd used to want to get driven to school, the bus stopped at our driveway... .I guess maybe to be special, anyway if there is bus service no reason to get her another car.

[jellibeans]

Because my daughter is a transfer student she does not have a bus to take. We transferred because of bullying she is out of district so they don't have to transport her to school. She can't go back to old school.

I am hoping her car can be fixed but my H doesn't want her driving anymore. I think she needs to get a job and pay us for our losses before she can drive again. I don't think it is realistic to think she will never drive again. For her to be independent in the future driving will be necessary. We don't live were there is mass transit system

I think the way to approach it right now is let her try to come up with a solution to her problem. We will see how she copes going forward. I don't get a good feeling about this right now but I will try to be hopeful.

[Elbry]

So sorry you have had such a difficult week but glad to hear your DD is not injured too badly form the accident.  I think you are right to let her come up with a solution to the problem.  Sending you some positive energy. 

[mama72]

Sorry to hear this bad news, jellibeans, but very glad your daughter was not severely injured.

Is there any public bus transportation she can utilize to get to school?