The undeniable NEED to argue

[swiftkick]

Ugh, yes!  The continual corrections and criticisms disguised as "teaching," and heaven forbid if you reject their "help," because that makes you incapable of growth or accused of immaturity! 

What is the best way to respond to the "teaching"?

My therapist suggests "that's another way of looking at it," or "I'll give that idea some thought." 

What else works?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hurting300]

Funny thing, I always was the one to argue with her. She'd do her covert abuse and I would fight back.

[AnnaK]

Ugh, yes!  The continual corrections and criticisms disguised as "teaching," and heaven forbid if you reject their "help," because that makes you incapable of growth or accused of immaturity! 

What is the best way to respond to the "teaching"?

Yeah, been there seen that. I am smiling and saying that I will think on his words and after thinking I may find a way to take his advice into account ;-)

If I know for sure he is contradicting the facts - I am explaining the facts as I see them.

If he is point blank criticising something that is beyond my capability of change - and it's useless to say anything - I am just smiling.

If I am being corrected - I am kinda - "all right, point taken - you are right, I always do it wrong way!" (smiling).

[AnnaK]

Ugh, yes!  The continual corrections and criticisms disguised as "teaching," and heaven forbid if you reject their "help," because that makes you incapable of growth or accused of immaturity! 

What is the best way to respond to the "teaching"?

Yeah, been there seen that. I am smiling and saying that I will think on his words and after thinking I may find a way to take his advice into account ;-)

If I know for sure he is contradicting the facts - I am explaining the facts as I see them.

If he is point blank criticising something that is beyond my capability of change - and it's useless to say anything - I am just smiling.

If I am being corrected - I am kinda - "all right, point taken - you are right, I always do it wrong way!" (smiling).

There is one more way, but I would not advice it. "Ah, you want me to be that? F*ck you!" (showing middle finger) - then it rapidly progresses to violent physical fight, but as both parties waste their energy, it calms down rapidly too.

[formflier]

Funny thing, I always was the one to argue with her. She'd do her covert abuse and I would fight back.

How did that work out for you?

[hurting300]

Not very good

[ColdEthyl]

This is honestly the best thing. I usually say oh, thank you hunny! Interesting! And proceed to do things the way I want.

Ugh, yes!  The continual corrections and criticisms disguised as "teaching," and heaven forbid if you reject their "help," because that makes you incapable of growth or accused of immaturity! 

What is the best way to respond to the "teaching"?

My therapist suggests "that's another way of looking at it," or "I'll give that idea some thought." 

What else works?

[nightmoves]

To all who posted... .

WOW.

And many many thanks... .

Yes... .it seems that my BPDw ... .NEEDS ... .desperately ... .to find a reason to argue... .blame... .complain... .criticize... .verbally attack... .rage... .

ALL - curiously in a strange effort to "unburden" what may be happening in her head... .

She almost NEEDS to JUSTIFY or PLACE the rage and anger on something and someone... .(I am the MOST convenient and able target)

[walksoftly]

I finally stopped arguing with my ex BPD. I had enough- I would just ignore her and walk away.

She didnt like that- she wanted to connect in some sick twisted way - she wanted me to engage- she wanted to control.

She may have seen this as abandonment -

[hurting300]

Mine didn't argue. She did things to me that would make me angry then sit and stare as I carried it away. She was so silent. But I promise you that she knew what she was doing.