I think I was his Teddy bear

[Depression = 72% of members]

Lately I have been doing a lot of inner child work trying to work through how I came to be in an abusive r/s with a pwBPD.  Part of this work is revisiting my past.  I got out a box of childhood mementos and in there was my Teddy bear that I've kept all these years and probably stopped sleeping with as a young teen.  I have been sleeping with it this week and have found it comforting (and I'm 44 believe it or not!). 

Also lately, I've been coming to the realisation that I was an object of attachment for my uBPDexh.  It's hard to come to grips with the idea that he loved how I could fulfill his needs but not really love 'me' as a separate and real person.  I can really see how he was like a young child and his only concern was to survive by getting his needs met.  Except for when I was getting the silent treatment, he would always snuggle up to me all night long.  Had to have his arms around me from night to morning. 

So this got me thinking, I was his 'Teddy bear'!  That object of attachment that gave him comfort.  The last winter we were together I started sleeping with a t-shirt on.  He hated this and complained about it every single night!  Drove me nuts.  Never mind that I told him over and over why I was wearing it (because I can't sleep with my arms under the covers and they get cold).  He figured he 'owned' me and so therefore I should be naked as he wanted me (never said this but it was apparent).  I was feeling so 'possessed' in the last few months that this was the catalyst for me ending the marriage.  I was feeling completely suffocated!

Can anyone else relate to this? 

[Pingo]

Lately I have been doing a lot of inner child work trying to work through how I came to be in an abusive r/s with a pwBPD.  Part of this work is revisiting my past.  I got out a box of childhood mementos and in there was my Teddy bear that I've kept all these years and probably stopped sleeping with as a young teen.  I have been sleeping with it this week and have found it comforting (and I'm 44 believe it or not!). 

Also lately, I've been coming to the realisation that I was an object of attachment for my uBPDexh.  It's hard to come to grips with the idea that he loved how I could fulfill his needs but not really love 'me' as a separate and real person.  I can really see how he was like a young child and his only concern was to survive by getting his needs met.  Except for when I was getting the silent treatment, he would always snuggle up to me all night long.  Had to have his arms around me from night to morning. 

So this got me thinking, I was his 'Teddy bear'!  That object of attachment that gave him comfort.  The last winter we were together I started sleeping with a t-shirt on.  He hated this and complained about it every single night!  Drove me nuts.  Never mind that I told him over and over why I was wearing it (because I can't sleep with my arms under the covers and they get cold).  He figured he 'owned' me and so therefore I should be naked as he wanted me (never said this but it was apparent).  I was feeling so 'possessed' in the last few months that this was the catalyst for me ending the marriage.  I was feeling completely suffocated!

Can anyone else relate to this? 

[Waifed]

I felt pretty possessed too at the end. I had to face her while laying in bed and she had to either sleep on my chest or touch me with her foot at all times. I literally could not get out of bed at night without her following me wherever I was going. I even had to shower or take a bath with her every night. If I got out she did to. Immediately. Very strange. Maybe a weak attempt of getting/maintaining control?

[bungenstein]

Totally.

I felt like a teddy bear, a toy, something she needed, and wanted to show off.

Shortly before she moved out she said, "can't you come and stay in my house in the spare room" like I was some kind of toy.

Everywhere we went she used to portray me like an object, she would constantly say things along the lines of:

"Awww isn't he cute?"

"Look at his face"

"I can't believe how cute his face is, look at it"

":)on't we look good together"

"He looks like male version of me, aren't we a perfect looking couple"

Constantly, all she talked about, was looks, nothing more than the superficial, like a pretty toy.

Consequentially, she left me feeling like an object, I now genuinely feel as though I exist to be used, and its horrible

[Popcorn71]

  you really got it right with this. My ex actually used to say I was his comfort blanket when he cuddled me. I didn't think he meant it literally but maybe he really thought of me in that way.

[Tibbles]

Hadn't thought of it this way but yes. Totally. Had to touch me all the time in bed - if I moved away at all he was so hurt and a fight would follow. Didn't understand that sometimes I wanted to sleep without being touched all the time. Had to cuddle up to me all night long as well, sometimes I'd feel more like a mother than a wife, it was just wrong and unhealthy. As if we could not be two different people, we had to be one all the time. When that feeling of oneness wore off he would go into a rage and we had to become closer again. Give me some personal space! And yes I felt so possessed by the end. To make it worse he worked from home as well, so I never got a break. So suffocating by the end.