Where to go from here... she has passed away

[heartbrokenmama]

I am the mom of an adult daughter with BPD.  I am heartbroken.  I do everything wrong in her eyes and even though I am validated by her 3 siblings and they support me, I am broken inside due to her extreme hatred of me.  When I ask why, I get no answer.  She has recently become somewhat abusive toward me.  Nothing I say to her is right in her eyes.  She attempted suicide and almost succeeded 2 months ago.  I am the one that found her.  I cannot get that vision out of my minds eye.  Even with the intensive care and 2 month hospital stay, my obtaining guardianship for 30 days and getting her to accept the correct medication, she is back where she started.  How do I help her and survive this myself?  The old patterns are beginning again.   :'( :'( :'(



heartbrokenmamma lost her daughter to BPD in November.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi heartbrokenmama,

Welcome to bpdfamily -- I'm so glad you found the site. This is such a difficult and challenging mental illness, and it helps to talk to other people who understand what it's like to cope with loved ones who are in this much pain. It's not an illness to understand or cope with, and you've been through a lot in these past few months. Is she living with you right now? How old is she? Are your other siblings living nearby or in the home with you?

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. This site changed my life, and people gave me support I couldn't find from my family or friend circle. They just didn't understand what it was like, and sometimes their advice just made me feel lonelier. People here really do understand. You aren't alone.



LnL

[lever.]

Hello heartbrokenmamma 

I would like to join livednlearned in welcoming you. I am so sorry about your situation. I can feel your distress coming through in your post.

I also have an adult daughter with BPD. I have had a great deal of help and support on Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board

I hope that you will join us on that board. It seems to be quite common for our children to project their negative feelings on to us. There is a lot of advice on the parent's board to help us survive this and to help us to continue to offer support whilst looking after ourselves too.

I have had wonderful support there, as livednlearned says it has changed my life in a way.

I do hope that you will join us on the parent's board-I will look out for you there.

[Skip]

As you grieve know that we are remembering you and honoring the memory

[livednlearned]

 :'( :'( :'(

[llbee814]

So sad to read this and so very sorry for heartbrokenmamma's loss.  Sending up blessings and prayers for her and her family.

[swampped]

Dear Heartbrokenmama:  I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  I pray that you will find some peace in knowing that you did everything possible for your dear daughter, and that she is finally at peace from this terrible mental illness.  I lost my father to suicide many years ago, and know the incredible pain and guilt that seems to last forever.  Please know that nothing we can do changes the outcome when a person is convinced that suicide is the only option.   I hope you are getting some professional help in dealing with your grief and pain.  You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sure that everyone on this board sends their sympathy.  Please feel free to let us know how you are doing, and what we can do to help.       Swampped

[Thursday]

My sympathies for you and your family. So heartbreaking... .

thursday

[eyvindr]

I'm very, very sorry.

[qcarolr]

Heartbrokenmama,

I am so very sad for you that your DD passed away in November last year. So sorry it is only now coming to my attention. This is the greatest fear each of us hold with our BPD kids and the knowledge in my own heart that I am powerless to rescue my own BPDDD28. This risk is a part of her life as she refuses professional treatment. This is all so very hard to accept. And now you are experiencing this as you grieve. My prayers are with you and your family.

qcr

[pessim-optimist]

Thinking of you in this time of grief, heartbrokenmama. Please know that there are many compassionate and caring members here to listen and support you on your journey toward healing from this terrible loss... . 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mggt]

So very sorry for your loss  

[lever.]

I am very, very sorry to hear this.

Thinking of you

[Kwamina]

Heartbrokenmama,

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing your daughter like this is horrible. When you came here at the beginning of October 2014, you were already really struggling with what was going on with your daughter. It's a very sad and difficult reality of BPD that some people with this disorder have suicidal tendencies and in some cases unfortunately end up committing suicide.

I want to let you know that bpdfamily is still here for you if you want to talk or need some advice or support. Even when you know your child is suicidal this still is a massive shock for a parent. No one is ever really prepared for this. Losing a child like this is traumatic on many levels. Do you have a support network that can help you as you try to mourn the loss of your daughter? How are your other children coping with the death of their sister?

We have some information on this website that might be of some help to you and your other children as you go through this:

A Self-help Handbook For Those Who Have Lost Someone to Suicide

Take care and know that we are thinking of you and your family as you deal with the loss of your daughter