Was I wrong?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My brother invited me to a music festival. He offered to pay for the plane ticket and we could split the cost of the hotel room and rental car. I have always wanted to go to this festival. I had even mentioned it to my dBPDgf. But she's not into this particular type of music so she didn't have much interest in it. So I told him I would go. I talked to her later about it because we don't live together.  She started her rants about that I don't take her anywhere. Which isn't true because I do. Then she said you don't even like your brother. I don't know where that came from. I guess projection. Then she started telling me that I don't even talk about a future with her but I will go off and spend 4 days with my brother. Every time I would talk about going to the festival she would talk about how hot the artists were. It was like she was trying to get me to dislike the bands. I don't know. And now she has gone silent. Was I wrong in wanting to go?  I have been trying to be more sensitive to her needs. What did I do wrong? 

[WhoMe51]

My brother invited me to a music festival. He offered to pay for the plane ticket and we could split the cost of the hotel room and rental car. I have always wanted to go to this festival. I had even mentioned it to my dBPDgf. But she's not into this particular type of music so she didn't have much interest in it. So I told him I would go. I talked to her later about it because we don't live together.  She started her rants about that I don't take her anywhere. Which isn't true because I do. Then she said you don't even like your brother. I don't know where that came from. I guess projection. Then she started telling me that I don't even talk about a future with her but I will go off and spend 4 days with my brother. Every time I would talk about going to the festival she would talk about how hot the artists were. It was like she was trying to get me to dislike the bands. I don't know. And now she has gone silent. Was I wrong in wanting to go?  I have been trying to be more sensitive to her needs. What did I do wrong? 

[sweetheart]

Hello whome,

You did absolutely nothing wrong at all. It was/is a great decision to do this with your brother. This will/has triggered issues for your gf and brought up a whole array of hurt feelings for her. Try and validate the underlying feeling, but remember there is no need to explain your decision to go. Don't get drawn into JADEing.

I'm sure you are being sensitive to her needs, and by going to this festival, it's a great way of also being sensitive to your own wants and desires.

I hope you have a great time.

[ugghh]

No, you are not wrong to go.  No, you did nothing wrong.

pwBPD typically strive to cut you off from contact with family and friends as this puts them in a greater position of control.  She is putting you in a position of questioning yourself because she feels the abandonment fear that you are choosing to do something with your brother instead of her.  I would not be surprised to hear her start bad mouthing your brother as that would be another typical behavior as they try to paint black the person they determine to be the source of the threat.

Go, have fun, turn off your phone.  Almost guarantee she will be texting / calling from the minute you leave until you return.