I'm coming to accept that this is really forever.

[almostvegan]

All these years when there's been a good period I thought maybe she's really better. But now I'm coming to accept that this is forever. Ill never be rid of this in my life.

I'm not sure how to deal with this

Almost vegan

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kate4queen]

You know what? The BPD won't go away but the person with it will change.

All you can do is learn to protect yourself, change the way you deal with it and detach with love.

It's not easy, but nothing is static in our lives even BPD. It might get worse. it might get better but things will change.

2 years ago I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the stress of living with my son with BPD. Now? He's still got BPD but he's changed and so have I. I don't feel so trapped and he is learning to do some things for himself. It's small progress, but it is different.

So please, don't give up.

[tristesse]

Hi almost vegan.

I can hear the overwhelming stress in your post, and I'm really sorry that you are suffering right now.

It does last forever, you're right about that, but there can be some really great days and progress. If you haven't done so already, check out the lessons on the right side of this board, they are so helpful.

Try and hang in there, it can get so much better.

[SeaSprite]

 

Vegan... .it's hard isn't it. I'm also grieving the child I thought I had, before her issues started popping up. Many of us here are. I don't think it goes away.

I see the term "radical acceptance" on here a lot, and the idea seems to help both me and my d.

She's not who I thought she was, or hoped she was. I won't ever like having to worry about her crumpling under pressure, or being on suicide watch, or not trusting anything she says, or seeing cuts on her arms or legs. But I can love her no matter what.

The support I get on these boards is helping me get there... .although I admit it's a process.

[lever.]

Yes Vegan-It is always there-like any other disability, but my experience is that things can change and my daughter is now functioning better than I ever thought possible.

There are also things you can do to make life easier in the way you communicate etc.

Its a horrible realization at first that this won't go away but once this is accepted (which isn't easy) there are ways to make your life easier. Hang on to hope

[swampped]

Dear Almostvegan:  My situation is very different from yours, as the person with BPD in my life is an ex-dil, but our gd5 keeps us in contact, and I certainly understand your distress about the life-long nature of this terrible disability.  Our dil is in her 40's now, and although the cutting and suicide attempts have diminished over time, her dysfunction continues, and we now wait for the effects on that lovely gd5 to show.  Our ds is in the picture, but in a limited way, due to his own disability, and there are times I simply ache for things to be better.  But with the help of the wonderful people on this board, as well as AlAnon, I have come to some peace, and I know you will too.  The tools here really have helped me and my dh with understanding some of the issues dil deals with, and using medium chill, radical acceptance and boundaries, we have come to a way to live with things as they are.  The good days are good; the bad days will pass; and in the end, we can only do so much, no matter how much we love them.  I am sorry for your pain, and hope you can find some relief from the sense that things will never change.  They may not, but you will, and that makes all the difference.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  May the sun come out soon!        Swampped

[bluejuice74]

Hi Almostvegan.  I have recently joined this site and already I feel that I am getting some acceptance of this nightmare situation.  I also like Kate4queen have felt at times that I was going to keel over with a heart attack at times of extreme stress!  I am grieving for the daughter I used to have, its so painful. I am taking some positives from the info and other peoples stories/posts here on BPDfam .  All I know is that anytime that I feel like I can't cope I can come here.  I am having some respite at the moment while my d (18) is in rehab but I know that there is nothing to stop her leaving and that keeps me on my toes!