any suggestions?

[BrokenFamily]

It's been about a month since my girlfriend left, we were happily together for almost 4 years and have a 15 month old together. It was a small fight over her thinking I added a new random girl on FB but it turns out it was someone I've known for a while who changed her name cause she was married. We have been under some stress as a family so my reaction wasn't my normal clam response, I proved to her she was wrong and kinda made her feel bad about it without taking her feelings into consideration. I did apologize but the damage was already done : ( during this same time she felt that she was losing her best friend who had been lying to her about being at work but was checking in on FB with another girl and my ex felt betrayed. The week after our breakup she started seeing a new guy and mirroring things with him that she's never liked before and even went so far as to spitefully go out of a relationship with me on FB and into a relationship with him which was a shock to me and our mutual friends and family members. Its been pushing pulling ever since where she says she don't want to be with me ever again one minute and the new guy is her love and he's only a friend and she needs time the next. I'm being supportive giving her rides , buying her things and really listening to her feelings and implementing tools I've learned here on the site which has helped me as well as defused any disagreements. She seems to only call me when she needs something and I'm feeling like I'm being used. Should I just move on and forget the 4 wonderful years and family we had together or should I keep trying ?

[Aussie0zborn]

You seem to be in a bit of a quandary and I sincerely feel for you - I've been there.

The trick is not to make a pwBPD feel bad as they cannot handle that, even when they are wrong or lying or cheating. Think of of it as to do the right thing for a pwBPD by stepping into a boxing ring with Muhammad Ali without any boxing gloves - that's what you're expected to do. But why should you?

You proved her wrong "without taking here feelings into consideration" but you needed to defend yourself. There is nothing wrong with that - I've read here that a non can soon start behaving like a pwBPD and I saw that in myself. There is only so much you can take and only so many eggshells you can step on before they run out and you have to verbally defend yourself. It's not your fault.

The biggest mistake you can make now is to take her back. Surely you can see what the rest of your life will be like with her. And you have to take your child's happiness into account. Only you can create a happy and safe environment for your child so whether you're with her or not you'll more than likely be doing that by yourself anyway so why have this deadweight around your neck?

Adults need to responsible for their actions and she clearly isn't. Read up on everything on this website and if still in doubt, read the Divorcing Forum to see where you're going to end up. Why would you want to be starting a new life at 50 when you're bald, overweight and beaten down? Do it now while you're still young and enjoy your life. You won't get another one.

[BrokenFamily]

Well once again she missed work today and was at her new mans house hungover when she said she would be home for me to drop off our daughter. I blew up on her and said everythign I can to make her feel bad because she really should she's throwing her life away and hurting her own daughter while blaming everyone else in the process.

[ReluctantSurvivor]

Well once again she missed work today and was at her new mans house hungover when she said she would be home for me to drop off our daughter. I blew up on her and said everythign I can to make her feel bad because she really should she's throwing her life away and hurting her own daughter while blaming everyone else in the process.

This is a bitter pill but she is showing her true colors.  She is not going to change.  Her actions are that of someone who is selfish, wreckless and immature.  If she cannot keep her self together for her own child then she is a loss.  I would speak with legal counsel and begin the process of removing this BPD cancer from your daughter's life.

  I still love my BPDex but I also know what she is.  If I were to let her back into my life it would be the same soul-crushing cycle over and over.  There is a slim chance that treatment would help her behave like an adult.  The problem is, so long as she can seduce men to feed her needs, she will never seek treatment.  Her needs are met and that is all that matters to the vacant heart of a pwBPD.

  Do what is best for your daughter.  Take her as far away from her broken mother as you can.