hi there AofC i'm really sorry for your situation, it really is an unpleasant experience to hear such stuff. one thing it shows is the emotional lability of pwBPD. that in itself can be really attractive. when i met my stbxw, her emotionalism created a wake that i was happy to follow right in with. i liked it. it was liberating. years later, it wrecked my life. and even after that i was thinking about reconciliation. why did i fight so hard?
if you got back together, do you think she could be a little more committed?
hi there AofC i'm really sorry for your situation, it really is an unpleasant experience to hear such stuff. one thing it shows is the emotional lability of pwBPD. that in itself can be really attractive. when i met my stbxw, her emotionalism created a wake that i was happy to follow right in with. i liked it. it was liberating. years later, it wrecked my life. and even after that i was thinking about reconciliation. why did i fight so hard?
if you got back together, do you think she could be a little more committed?
In all honesty I am not entirely sure. We were together for 3 years and as I reflect it has really only been the last year maybe year and a half that things started to unravel. There had been a few oddities before then but nothing major. My X wasn't a rager (because I think she internalized it... .a quiet uBPD if you will) and displayed many "precious" moments. Emotionally aside from the first 6 months... .something was always a bit off. She would get hot and cold and foolishly I just chalked that up to who she is. I never really took a step back to look at the big picture. I always thought that because of her emotional scarring as a child and her past relationships that I needed to dig my heels in and try harder.
She wasn't an aggressive nor abusive partner. Emotionally destructive yes, but I don't even think she realized the havoc she was reeking. Upon our relationship deteriorating the games started. Again, I don't think they were calculated. I think she is at her low point and is so lost within herself that she doesn't know which way to turn. She decided to move out of state (because that is going to fix everything) and while we had the commitment of making things work long distance, she simply couldn't handle it. After researching and such I also realize that there was no longer any reason for her to stay "committed" to me because I had served my purpose.
She needs help. I don't want to be like everyone else whom has swept it under the rug and simply said well that's who she is. I don't think her family (the few that remain) nor her friends (the couple she has) realize what she is going through. I lived with her and didn't even have an epiphany until now. I love her, and I don't want her to be alone on this journey. The problem is she HAS to seek help and I am not entirely sure she will.
I know at that point I have to let go because the only reason I am still in this is to support her through her therapy. I think with treatment she can be something special. I think it could teach her the power of commitment. With her being out of state however, I'm not sure she would continue. The strongest commitment I've ever seen from her is to our dog. I don't say that with malice. Some may call me a fool, but I believe in her. I am angry about how things transpired, but I am not entirely bitter. The biggest problem is I think I want more for her than she wants for herself. You were spot on when you mentioned the emotional lability. The lack of combined with the times of the over abundance of emotions really tugs on the heart. She is completely out of tune with her emotions. For her, it is easier to suppress than to feel. I too tend to hermit until I am ready to confront my emotions, so I just figured she was doing the same. Now I realize when she traps her emotions, they get lost.
