Hello, Rlsmith2... .It's always really hard to see our kids in pain, self-destructing right before our very eyes. I think it's the hardest thing we deal with when our children have BPD: that feeling of powerlessness over their troubles. Have you had the chance to check out all the
links to the right-hand side of this page yet? The
TOOLS and
THE LESSONS are very helpful in giving us insights into why our children are thinking and acting they way they are, and learning how to
Listen with Empathy and
Validate the Valid is one way to navigate the minefield you are referring to... .
I know that every single link on this page helped me with my BPD son, who is doing very well right now, actually--especially since I've learned how to not push every one of his buttons by using
Validation and
S.E.T. (they are taught at those links) while dealing with him. Here is an Article:
Supporting a Child in Therapy for BPD (whether they are in Therapy or not, actually) that gives so much wonderful information on how to avoid a confrontation and still reach out to her. These tips are in that Article:
When solving a family member’s problems:
a) involve the family member in identifying what needs to be done
b) ask whether the person can “do” what’s needed in the solution
c) ask whether they want you to help them “do” what’s needed. Problems are best tackled through open discussion in the family. Everyone needs to be part of the discussion.
People are most likely to do their part when they are asked for their participation and their views about the solution are respected. It is important to ask each family member whether he or she feels able to do the steps called for in the planned solution. By asking, you show recognition of how difficult the task may be for the other person. This goes hand in hand with acknowledging the difficulty of changing. You may feel a powerful urge to step in and help another family member. Your help may be appreciated or may be an unwanted intrusion. By asking if your help is wanted before you step in, your assistance is much less likely to be resented.
There is so much other information at that Article's link above, that I can't encourage you enough to not only check out the links to the right-hand side of this page, but also to check out that Article (can you tell that I think it is
really helpful? ). Please let us know what you think about all of this information, Rlsmith2, ask any questions you come up with about it, and tell us more of your situation so we can help, Okay?
