Introduction

[MomG]

My daughter was diagnosed about 3 years ago, although at 28, we now know she has been dealing with BPD for at least 10 years.

She is beautiful, intelligent and compassionate . She is highly functioning , working and doing graduate school. But, and of course there is a but, when she gets into a relationship, she jumps in full force and works harder than she should to keep the relationship going.This then ends the relationship  and she melts down. She cannot understand why the other person is not as committed as she. She becomes impulsive and reckless. I guess I am defining myself by my daughter but that's also why I am at this website, to learn and share my experiences.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi MomG,



Glad you found the site. It helps to know how others cope with this disorder, and there are many parents here who love their BPD children, and want to understand how to help them just like you do. And there are positive stories, too, which helps so much when you feel there is no hope. When your daughter was diagnosed, did she get any treatment? How did she respond to the diagnosis? Do you have a relationship with her where she will listen to you?

Keep posting, it really does help. This place changed my life and people gave me so much advice about tools and techniques and resources to help me understand BPD.



LnL

[pessim-optimist]

Hello MomG, 

Welcome to the Parenting board!

How's your daughter right now? How are you?

It is really a blessing in disguise that your daughter was diagnosed. They do tend to have their particular struggles and of course, relationships are THE issue for them. It's great that she does well at school and can hold a job - that is major success... .

How is she in close family relationships? How's she with you, does she have siblings?

Welcome again, and - keep posting, we are here for you.

[MomG]

My daughter is doing well at the moment as she is not in a relationship. But, and of course there is always a but, she has become very impulsive and plays on our emotions to get funds from us. She will say she is sorry for overdrawing her account and be okay for a few days and then go off and spend money she doesn't have. She has a decent job but will tell me "But it makes me feel good" when she buys something. Awww... .I know it could be worse but it gets very difficult to understand that she doesn't learn a lesson as most people would.

She is an only child but we didn't think we spoiled her when she was small as she was around other children from the get go. We are a middle class family and never lived beyond our means.

Every once in a while she will bring up the ex boyfriend... such as still wanting things of hers from his house. We say cut your loses but these "things" become important to her. At least she has asked me to get them and has not gone to his house to claim them. This happened a few weeks ago and of course was a disaster.

[MomG]

By the way, I am trying to be patient as she is currently in DBT therapy and signed on for a year. She does go regularly but because of the privacy factors, I have no clue whether she is making progress or not or even if she brings up the impulsivity. I hope she is being honest with herself and her therapist...

[Rapt Reader]

By the way, I am trying to be patient as she is currently in DBT therapy and signed on for a year. She does go regularly but because of the privacy factors, I have no clue whether she is making progress or not or even if she brings up the impulsivity. I hope she is being honest with herself and her therapist...

I think it's great that your daughter is in Therapy, and has made a commitment to participate for a year, and going regularly 

Have you been doing any research of your own about BPD? Have you had the chance to check out the links to the right-hand side of this page? You can start at the top and check out the TOOLS and THE LESSONS, and learn how her mind works and why she says and does the stuff that is so confusing. I do know that once I understood how my own BPD son's mind was working, and learned how to stop pushing all of his buttons, it really did improve our relationship, freeing him up to do better in his Therapies (Out-Patient, Psychiatrist, Neurofeedback) without the distractions of stress and tension at home.

Hang in there, MomG... .it really can get better, and being patient (and taking the time to learn all you can around this site) will only be a positive step in the right direction for you and your daughter 

[nzmum]

Hi MomG

because of the privacy factors, I have no clue whether she is making progress or not or even if she brings up the impulsivity. I hope she is being honest with herself and her therapist...

I know just how you feel!  It is so hard not knowing what's going on. Here in NZ teens have a right to confidentiality at 16 - though parents are legally responsible (for EVERYTHING it would seem  ) until they turn 18. DD17 regularly tells police, Dr's and anyone else she contacts when in crisis that her parents are NOT to be notified. There is no feedback from the few sessions she has attended with her psychologist either. Feel like shouting from the rooftops "How's that working for you people?" ! 

Hang in there! 

[qcarolr]

MomG -- Be kind to yourself. Do you have a counselor or therapist for yourself to help you understand what DBT is about and how you might best be supportive of your DD's choosing to commit to this path? The TOOLS (to the right) have helped me so much in gradually building a more open relationship with my D28. The BPD dx was added to her list at age 23. Even though she is not as high functioning in some ways, the relationships unraveling her entire world happens once or twice a year. This has been going on since she was 17... .well maybe even 15.

My DD is just on the edge of accepting some treatment. She is schedule to meet with her T on 11/19 to work out group support. She is also dealing with a drug addiction at the same time, and thankfully the same T can support her recovery in both these areas.

Choosing DBT is so valuable -- in fact it is the only way that true recovery can be started. You DD can benefit from all you can do for yourself. The topic "Self-aware and of Wisemind" is a good place to get some guidance in this area. taking care of yourself so you can be the best you can with your D.

Hang in there. Keep coming back to let us know how things are going. We care.

qcr