Pretending like I didn't exist?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I mentioned last week how I looked at his FB not too

long ago... and there were tons of posts complaining about being single. A lot of them are along the lines of "I'm STILL single b/c... ." which blows my mind. We have only been broken up for a month! So... it's like either he thinks he should have rebounded that quickly... or he is disassociating from the relationship and pretending like he was single this whole time. I don't understand it... .did we not happen? Does he really think he should be in a relationship by now? Don't even need the grieving time? Really confusing how these people think. Hurtful. Also possible he knows I will sneak a peek and look... and he is trying to get to me... which REALLY bothers me. B/c he was really the hurtful one in the relationship... why try to get to me? How about just email me and apologize... or call me... .since he was the one who literally dragged me through dog sh**!

I know worry about me right? I feel a lot better... I'm just curious at what the hell he is getting at constantly posting about being single like hes just been single for soo long. And also not understanding (since I was good to him) if he hates being single so badly... why not straighten out and make it work with a good girl. I cooked for him cleaned for him... gave him sex when he wanted... I'm attractive smart fun...

They discard a good thing then act like they are the suffering victim. Blows my mind. I love him and care about him... I wish it could have worked. But those posts alone show me the severity of his disorder. He thinks he is logical... but he is so far from it when it comes to his thought processes and his emotional state. It's almost like he doesn't even live in reality.

[Aussie0zborn]

Hello Hurt But Repairable. Yes, you're right ... .pwBPD don't live in our reality. My experience is that they can change partners just like we change a shirt and life goes on as usual as if we never existed. That's just how it is.

Peeking at his Facebook page is not going to help you heal. He is not going to apologise for all the hurt he has caused, give you closure and do all the things you would expect from a healthy person at the conclusion a relationship. And he won't be admitting any responsibility for the breakup, so best not to torture yourself.

Yes, being single for a whole month is a long time in BPD, if you consider that quite often they have the next host already lined up and ready to go. It seems that he didn't, or she just didn't work out so in his world a month is a very long time.

You can find closure yourself. I found it through reading the articles here to understand BPD and by reading the forum posts.  I found laughter was a major key for me - every time I have a good hearty laugh with friends I feel another shackle falling off which takes me ten steps closer to total freedom.

[maxen]

I know worry about me right?

right! and fresh after a relationship, that's not going to be 100% possible. it will take time, and you can't rush time, but you can choose not to pick at the wound.

They discard a good thing then act like they are the suffering victim. Blows my mind.

yes they do, and it blows my mind too. i still, i admit, can't really absorb the way my wife bolted, having lined up another r/s, and then pitied herself for what she did - i simply didn't exist in her calculations. she had the chance to acknowledge what she did and she literally shrugged. but that's the disorder, and part of our work is to come, somehow, to accept that state of affairs. not easy! nothing irrational is easy to accept. have you read some of the literature here, such as The Symptoms and Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder , or BPD: What is it? How can I tell?, especially the posts by Skip?

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Ty you guys for the response. this post doesnt belong on this board bc i am not undecided. but non the less i made a new post on L3. i know their behaviors are pretry much predictable but it still hurts all the same. its so weird... i know the behaviors but because i dont understand them i ruminate over them. and it hurts really bad.