Court Process Wearing Me Down

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Bringing you up to speed:

>was stupid and met a girl in one of those RTC programs in 2010 when I was 17 and she was 15

>it sort of worked... .not really... .until Aug 2012

>Confronted her about cheating on me, she claimed I was stalking her to try and save face

>i posted all our private messages online to prove otherwise and cause I'm a bit of a dick

>this didn't help anything and she's spent the past two years stalking me

Went to the cops about it two months ago, they put it on file, considered charging her with criminal harassment, and told me to apply for a restraining order. I'm 21 and stupid so I messed up the due process and wasn't allowed to present 75 pages worth of evidence in court. She hid behind her daddy during the hearing, who basically accused me of a bunch of garbage. Pretty sad to see a university professor be manipulated by someone with a mental illness into lying for them in court but unfortunately it stuck and I was left with a mutual restraining order.

I wasn't too happy about this, but y'all advised me it might be for the best, which I can respect.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from victim services. An officer I'd vented to briefly while getting the RCMP to serve the MRO on the girl ended up investigating the situation out of curiosity, as she'd dealt with the girl in the past. Big surprise, she too found I hadn't done anything to warrant an MRO being granted, and that I was the victim of stalking/dating violence/harassment/whatever. So I got referred to a counseling service that specializes in "dating violence" and I book an intake appointment and everything and things are starting to look up.

Found out a week ago that the location of the counseling center was like a block away from the girl's work. Wouldn't technically be violating the order, but given how small and out-of-the-way the town offering this service is, and that the only time I'd visited this town previously was to either 1) sleep with this girl or 2) talk to the police about this girl, I basically have no business being in this town at all. I'm sure my ex's family would have a field day if they found out through the grapevine that I was routinely visiting their town once a week - regardless of the reason. They're like that.

So I brought the issue back to court, cause obviously I WANT to talk about this with a professional and I'm not taking chances - and there's now a date set and everything and I'm at the point where nearly everyone has my back, one way or another. The affidavit is 30 pages (including evidence) and there's no reason I wouldn't be able to have the order changed back to what I initially applied for - a restraining order - because there's just page after page of "yeah this guy didn't do anything wrong, this girl has issues."

One problem, I can't find her, and I found out why, and it made me upset.

Process server went to serve her yesterday, couple girls at her work said she didn't work there anymore. Process server said they acted "like they were hiding something" - as if they were told to tell people carrying court documents asking for [REDACTED] to lie to them. Process server went back today and spoke to the manager. The manager was nice about it, but long story short, the police showing up to deliver a restraining order to the new girl may or may not have spooked the rest of the staff.



I wanted this girl to be kept away from me. I didn't want her to lose her job. I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

I'm left with the options of either tracking this girl down using the clues the manager left the process server about her whereabouts (which is both costly and basically stalking - obviously something I don't want to do). Or I get permission for Substitute Service and serve her dad, which is kind of an issue since this guy's already spun "hey, I don't appreciate your daughter stalking me, can you tell her to stop" into "he's harassing me!"



How do I not feel bad about what's resulted from taking this issue to court, and what would be a reasonable approach to try and serve this girl?

[.cup.car]

Bringing you up to speed:

>was stupid and met a girl in one of those RTC programs in 2010 when I was 17 and she was 15

>it sort of worked... .not really... .until Aug 2012

>Confronted her about cheating on me, she claimed I was stalking her to try and save face

>i posted all our private messages online to prove otherwise and cause I'm a bit of a dick

>this didn't help anything and she's spent the past two years stalking me

Went to the cops about it two months ago, they put it on file, considered charging her with criminal harassment, and told me to apply for a restraining order. I'm 21 and stupid so I messed up the due process and wasn't allowed to present 75 pages worth of evidence in court. She hid behind her daddy during the hearing, who basically accused me of a bunch of garbage. Pretty sad to see a university professor be manipulated by someone with a mental illness into lying for them in court but unfortunately it stuck and I was left with a mutual restraining order.

I wasn't too happy about this, but y'all advised me it might be for the best, which I can respect.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from victim services. An officer I'd vented to briefly while getting the RCMP to serve the MRO on the girl ended up investigating the situation out of curiosity, as she'd dealt with the girl in the past. Big surprise, she too found I hadn't done anything to warrant an MRO being granted, and that I was the victim of stalking/dating violence/harassment/whatever. So I got referred to a counseling service that specializes in "dating violence" and I book an intake appointment and everything and things are starting to look up.

Found out a week ago that the location of the counseling center was like a block away from the girl's work. Wouldn't technically be violating the order, but given how small and out-of-the-way the town offering this service is, and that the only time I'd visited this town previously was to either 1) sleep with this girl or 2) talk to the police about this girl, I basically have no business being in this town at all. I'm sure my ex's family would have a field day if they found out through the grapevine that I was routinely visiting their town once a week - regardless of the reason. They're like that.

So I brought the issue back to court, cause obviously I WANT to talk about this with a professional and I'm not taking chances - and there's now a date set and everything and I'm at the point where nearly everyone has my back, one way or another. The affidavit is 30 pages (including evidence) and there's no reason I wouldn't be able to have the order changed back to what I initially applied for - a restraining order - because there's just page after page of "yeah this guy didn't do anything wrong, this girl has issues."

One problem, I can't find her, and I found out why, and it made me upset.

Process server went to serve her yesterday, couple girls at her work said she didn't work there anymore. Process server said they acted "like they were hiding something" - as if they were told to tell people carrying court documents asking for [REDACTED] to lie to them. Process server went back today and spoke to the manager. The manager was nice about it, but long story short, the police showing up to deliver a restraining order to the new girl may or may not have spooked the rest of the staff.



I wanted this girl to be kept away from me. I didn't want her to lose her job. I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

I'm left with the options of either tracking this girl down using the clues the manager left the process server about her whereabouts (which is both costly and basically stalking - obviously something I don't want to do). Or I get permission for Substitute Service and serve her dad, which is kind of an issue since this guy's already spun "hey, I don't appreciate your daughter stalking me, can you tell her to stop" into "he's harassing me!"



How do I not feel bad about what's resulted from taking this issue to court, and what would be a reasonable approach to try and serve this girl?