Not painted black ANYMORE? wow

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Against all odds, BPD/STPD decided on Friday to come and spend 5 days with the kids and I 

After months of nightmare, especially last month when he did all sorts of things to destroy me.

He sent a notice letter to the landlord, wrote to the benefits, refused mediation, demanded to see baby whenever he decided, showed up with his dad systematically (while I kept saying I was sick of his family), kept sending texts asking for "baby news" etc. He also destroyed our good memories by saying at MC 1 month ago that he was forced to everything, even to have a baby, that was very hurtful.

And there he is now, even if he says that he's getting his new appartment on Wednesday, as if nothing had happened, except from physical contact (just a hug).

He denies EVERYTHING   

No, he's never been paranoid, he's never rejected me nor hated me, he's never threatened me, never said he was forced to do things etc.

He's either a HUGE liar or has a serious memory problem. In any case, it's just unbearable.

10 days ago he was writing that "all his therapists told him to go NC with me" (?) and now he demanded to stay here for 5 days in a row (I did ask him to go to the hotel but he hit the roof).

I'm lost and confused, although not expecting anything anymore. He keeps saying he wants peace now (when he's the one who initiated the war!)... .I told him that he will hate me again in 2 weeks... .of course I'm the pessimistic one here!

After putting me and the kids in the sht, he proposes to be the saviour and buy us things (food, restaurant... .).

This is exhausting and highly unsatisfying on a love r/s level.

[Indyan]

Against all odds, BPD/STPD decided on Friday to come and spend 5 days with the kids and I 

After months of nightmare, especially last month when he did all sorts of things to destroy me.

He sent a notice letter to the landlord, wrote to the benefits, refused mediation, demanded to see baby whenever he decided, showed up with his dad systematically (while I kept saying I was sick of his family), kept sending texts asking for "baby news" etc. He also destroyed our good memories by saying at MC 1 month ago that he was forced to everything, even to have a baby, that was very hurtful.

And there he is now, even if he says that he's getting his new appartment on Wednesday, as if nothing had happened, except from physical contact (just a hug).

He denies EVERYTHING   

No, he's never been paranoid, he's never rejected me nor hated me, he's never threatened me, never said he was forced to do things etc.

He's either a HUGE liar or has a serious memory problem. In any case, it's just unbearable.

10 days ago he was writing that "all his therapists told him to go NC with me" (?) and now he demanded to stay here for 5 days in a row (I did ask him to go to the hotel but he hit the roof).

I'm lost and confused, although not expecting anything anymore. He keeps saying he wants peace now (when he's the one who initiated the war!)... .I told him that he will hate me again in 2 weeks... .of course I'm the pessimistic one here!

After putting me and the kids in the sht, he proposes to be the saviour and buy us things (food, restaurant... .).

This is exhausting and highly unsatisfying on a love r/s level.

[Compassion14]

Wow, wow, wow. Not sure what to advise, other than try really hard to listen to your gut about what YOU want. Sounds like you might be in danger of losing yourself here. Hold onto reality. It's all you've got. Good luck. C14x

[Indyan]

Wow, wow, wow. Not sure what to advise, other than try really hard to listen to your gut about what YOU want. Sounds like you might be in danger of losing yourself here. Hold onto reality. It's all you've got. Good luck. C14x

Thanks Compassion, it's exactly that. I'm trying not to lose myself here, and it's not easy.

I forgot to mention that all this happen after I sent him the money for the rent (that he used to pay for and put pressure on me about, and his family too).

As if:

- he realized that I'm going to live without him (or his money input), and I know that it means a lot to him. He told me in September that the reason he worked was to pay for our house... .(didn't prevent him from putting horrible pressure on me for this)

- he felt he was losing his means to pressurize me, that I was more and more coming out of FOG

Or a bit of both... .

[Compassion14]

You're welcome. :-)

Yep... .think you might be onto something here. Perhaps he's started to panic - the fear of abandonment since your moves showed him you were not infact reliant on him.

What do YOU want now is the question? Forget what he wants - if he's anything like my BPD ex what he thinks he wants will change with the wind soon anyway - what is right for YOU?

C14x

[Indyan]

what he thinks he wants will change with the wind soon anyway - what is right for YOU?

C14x

This is so true.

What I want?

I want him to stop being paranoid. It's been 4 months and I've had enough of that crap. The therapist told me only medication could help him stop feeling persecuted, and now that it seems I'm not being painted black anymore (for how long?), I'd like him to go to a psychiatrist.

I'll make a final decision regarding our r/s once he's on medication, it's too hard to decide now, with someone who's out of his mind 

[peiper]

From my experience it will all start over again.  A few weeks of bliss followed by a very long period of pain. A leopard can't change its spots.

[Indyan]

From my experience it will all start over again.  A few weeks of bliss followed by a very long period of pain. A leopard can't change its spots.

That's why I want him to have a TREATMENT.

Even if he's in a good mood, I just can't hear (and see) his paranoid crap anymore.

Today, we went with the kids for a long walk in the woods - all went fine. But on the way back, when I reached for the car keys in his jeans, I saw that he was carrying his recording device. I told him "wow, you take this with you everywhere?" He said "yes, just in case."