I'm breaking ... Now-

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi-  Ive been reading this sight for a few months and just recently started posting. As we all know, can't explain this to anyone not experiencing it.  I am hiding in the bathtub just to take a breather-  my man is in full rage! Started with his neice and daughter stirring drama toward me-  he was right there to take care of me Until he then got mad.  Now it's all my fault.  What got him more than his girls talking disrespectful to me was his daughter then told me he called her for his ex's #-   The majority of our fights begin with his obsession to talk to women- other women-  even then, I said nothing.  Gave him the "I understand UR angry, would U like to talk " stuff. Seemed to calm him for a moment- now he's back to being crazy.  I'm afraid to get out of this bathtub - don't wanna be screamed at and if I dare argue back, he will physically hurt me-  guys! I need something! Please please advise?

As always, thank u in advance

[LApak]

Hi-  Ive been reading this sight for a few months and just recently started posting. As we all know, can't explain this to anyone not experiencing it.  I am hiding in the bathtub just to take a breather-  my man is in full rage! Started with his neice and daughter stirring drama toward me-  he was right there to take care of me Until he then got mad.  Now it's all my fault.  What got him more than his girls talking disrespectful to me was his daughter then told me he called her for his ex's #-   The majority of our fights begin with his obsession to talk to women- other women-  even then, I said nothing.  Gave him the "I understand UR angry, would U like to talk " stuff. Seemed to calm him for a moment- now he's back to being crazy.  I'm afraid to get out of this bathtub - don't wanna be screamed at and if I dare argue back, he will physically hurt me-  guys! I need something! Please please advise?

As always, thank u in advance

[bounty]

I'm so sorry wish I was an expert to help you.  I say lay low and disengage ... .DO NOT ARGUE BACK especially if there is alcohol involved.   :'(

[LApak]

I tried... .I didn't speak- went to bed and he started screaming at me- choked me and threw my keys at me, which I now am bleeding-  he said he'll find me wherever I go... .I think he's really tripping.  I think he could kill me-  I'm in my car with nowhere to go Cuz that person will be in danger... .I do t know what to do... .  Do I go and say I'm sorry- I'm not but what do I do?  And he's in a motorcycle club- police is not an option unless I really wanna get killed... .What do I do?

[LApak]

I don't know what to do... .I have to work- I have nowhere to go... .

[LApak]

He left- I think I'm okay-  I have to leave him don't i?  It's worse than just bad.  I love this man. But he hurts me- he doesn't hit me, he has but more chokes me, rips my hair out... .But that's still bad huh ?  He's a big bad tough guy on top of it... .  Is there anything I can do to repair us? Or is it too much?  I'm thinking he probably was going to see one of many girls that would do anything for him... .Not. Feeling so good - I'm going to sleep.  Thanks for letting me cry to anyone who is listening ... .Don't really have anyone U kno? But him? How ironic is that?    Xoxo

[Perdita]

He left- I think I'm okay- 

I'm glad that you are OK for now and am sorry you went through that.

I have to leave him don't i?  It's worse than just bad.  I love this man. But he hurts me- he doesn't hit me, he has but more chokes me, rips my hair out... .But that's still bad huh ?

I see no other option than to leave once things become physical.  I'm sure you are not the first woman he has abused.  Somewhere along the way he probably learned that it is best not to hit or do anything that will leave marks.  Are you going to wait around until he completely loses control and chokes you to death?

I'm thinking he probably was going to see one of many girls that would do anything for him... .

I argue with my BPDbf about another woman too.  It is also the reason for most of our arguments.  He is with her right now.  Made the 4 hour drive to go see her and will make 4 back.  Anyway, I think you should stop arguing with him about the other women.  Let him replaced you.  I know it is not what you want to hear, but it is your best chance at getting free from him safely.  Let him spend as much of his time with other women as he wants while you quietly plan your exit.  Make sure you leave no trace of where he might find you.  For instance, don't leave a notebook behind that contains numbers and addresses of people you know etc. 

Good luck.

[RR4U]

I did this for awhile. Keep a few days of extra clothing and any medications if you take them and some hidden money. Keep them in a trunk or a safe place. There are im sure a domestic violence programs around too that may be able to help. I understand the motorcycle group thing . There is never a good time to leave. Not sure but when hes calm is he all sorry and stuff to drag you back in?

[LApak]

You guys are awesome-  and I appreciate and need your words.  And crazy thing, I know right from wrong, I don't understand me U kno?  I read to understand him, but am doing as much as I can for me. Reading, learning... .I'm still in disbelief I'm living like this.  And yes, I know I gotta go.  And it will have to be more that he leaves me for safety reasons.  I'm going to try... .Really really try to just let him find someone else. Key word is TRY.  Again- thanks to all

[Perdita]

And crazy thing, I know right from wrong, I don't understand me U kno?  I read to understand him, but am doing as much as I can for me. Reading, learning... .I'm still in disbelief I'm living like this. 

LApak, that's pretty much how we all feel.  I too know right from wrong and I also can't believe what I've been putting up with.  Nothing physical, but far too much emotional hurt and humiliation. 

Best of luck to you and please keep posting.  It really does help one to see things a bit clearer and that is huge in itself.

[LApak]

Well, I'm home from work, he's acting like all is fine , which of course I'm trying to make him think that. He claims he's goinf deer hunting , I don't buy it ( he's much to jealous to leave me alone) and I'm okay with it. Well, trying to be okay with it.  I do kno I'm saying not a word and looking forward to  a peaceful weekend.  I'm sure I will have someone watching me( yes , he does that ) but that's okay. Not gonna do anything but enjoy a great, stress free weekend with my kids.  HugZ to U all ! 

[Loosestrife]

Yes, he could kill you. Violence always escalates. Staying in his company and carrying on as normal afterwards will only reinforce his behaviour. Can you stay with a friend/family?

[macgirl75]

Darling, this makes me veery nervous. I'd encourage you to talk to professionals at a women's shelter. If you could do so safely. Can you call a crisis line while he is away? You don't have to give a name or number. Sometimes it just helps to talk.  And perhaps learn about what your options are.  He keeps you there too because you're afraid. No one can tell you to stay or go but I'm glad you understand this is neither safe not healthy. You do need a safety plan. The advice about a bag and a little money is good.  This is not your fault. You don't have to understand him once he hits you if you are still in the situation.

Stay safe!

[LApak]

Wow-  it's kinda crazy to me that the violence from him is really the least that I worry about ... .It's weird Cuz I never saw it as I'm "abused"... .And that makes me question myself even more.  Probably Cuz he's never really "hit" me? Idk?  What I do know is I'm really glad I posted as I wasn't focusing on that part.  Almost like it was a "small" issue.  He really does have me wrapped around his finger hug?  And trust me, I'm not a lil shy girl, always considered my self pretty tough, Stron until he enetered my life. WOW! AND THANK U-   WOW WOW WOW-

[Perdita]

LApak, I'm not that surpised that the violence hasn't been a big issue for you.  Often these things happen gradually and become such a part of someone's life that it is easy to just accept and live with it.  It is not right though and I am so glad for you that you are recognizing this problem now.    It happens even to the most beautiful, educated, financially independent and strong women.

I hope you will take the advice given here to heart and reach out to a women's shelter.  There are also groups online that can give you advice.  Just be sure to clear your browser history afterwards.  You need to get out for your own sake and your kids.