DD in RTC update

[Elbry]

DD15 entered a RTC on Oct 27th.  I drove her the 4.5 hours to get there and spent the rest of the day and night and went home the next afternoon.  She was the first to be admitted to a newly opening facility but across the lawn is another house, part of the same facility that has been open for awhile.  DD's house is a 6-bed, girls only house and the sister house is both boys and girls.  I was given office and cell phone numbers for all key staff and encouraged to call anytime.  I'm allowed to take her off campus anytime I am there for as long as I want, just not overnight. They gave us movie tickets so we could go out to the movies that night.  The next morning we had our first family therapy session.  Overall, I was very happy with the place.  I did however, have a full-blown panic attack while signing papers to admit her, crying, chest pain, hyperventilating... .staff ended up taking care of me.     Leaving her there was so freaking hard to do. 

There are no restrictions on phone calls, we can call each other as much as we want, but she never calls me.  She hates to ask to use the phone, I always have to call her.  The first bump came when it was 8 days in and she told me she hadn't had individual therapy yet and had not had any groups.  There was only one other girl there which is why DD said they were not having groups. The plan I agreed to was daily groups, at least one a week would be DBT, individual weekly, again using DBT, and that staff would use DBT daily with her.  So I called the clinician on her cell phone and spoke with her and she apologized for not doing ind. yet but promised to do it the next day.  She said they had been doing groups daily but they don't present them as groups because then kids resist them, they just say "let's go do an activity together" and then go do it.  SO I let it go but made sure she knew I was concerned.

I went down again for a visit 2 days ago.  We went shopping, got her a haircut, went out to dinner, and just hung out in the hotel.  We had a very nice visit.  Yesterday we went to the ocean and went out walking on the breakwater.  DD LOVES the ocean and the fact this place is in a small coastal town did influence my decision.  Then we went back and had family therapy and a planning session for Thanksgiving.  She is having her first home visit.  They are actually going to bring her home on Wednesday and do a home visit, she will spend the night home Wed. and Thursday and we will drive her halfway back on Friday, they will meet us and take her the rest of the way.  Which I think is awesome because that saves me a 9 hour drive to get her and saves me about 4 hours on Friday.  She again voiced that she is not having groups.  I mentioned it in a meeting with Clinician and House Manager and they both assured me they are having daily groups, and even told me she is a leader in the groups and is a very active participant.  They showed me clinical notes supporting that and told me I have access to her records at any time.  I guess with only 2 girls, things might not seem like groups.  They are getting 2 more admits next week.  We will see if things change. 

School has been worked out pretty well I think.  School has been such a problem for 2.5 years now.  They had her 504 meeting and her accommadations are so much better than we were able to negotiate with our school at home.  She does not have to attend regular classes.  She will go to the resource room and will have a tutor.  She does not have to ride the bus, staff will drive her to and from school.  I really feel like she can be successful, she is SO smart, she can handle it with just a tutor. 

Overall, things have been pretty positive.  My worst fears have not been realized  .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

Wow Elbry, it sounds like things are going far better than anticipated. I'm really happy for you.  Your DD seems to have adjusted well, and that's  pretty awesome too. This RTC sounds like they have it figured out, and appear to be pretty lenient. I think that's great.

I believe I would have had a panic attack while signing the paperwork also. It has to be hard handing the reigns over to somebody else, but KUDOS to you for being strong enough to do it.

Keep us posted on her progress.

[pessim-optimist]

Thank you Elbry for your update. Please keep us posted - so far it looks really good!

All of the open communication with staff sounds really encouraging, and they seem to be responsive. That is a positive sign.

Happy for your dd's school arrangements. 

How did you like the family therapy?

[Elbry]

Family therapy has not been too bad so far, but I am prepared for some tough sessions.  I think that I may hear some hard things and have to deal with some difficult things.  She has an aversion to talking to me when she's having a hard time because she feels like I will just "send her away".  We have been working on that with various providers for months and the other day in family therapy it came up again.  This time she said she tried to talk to me and I don't have time for her and I was shocked because I drop everything when she needs me.  I said "when have I ever turned you away when you came to me and asked to talk?"  She said she came to my room one night and I told her to come back later because my grandson was almost asleep.  I remember that, I assumed she came in to get her night meds as she always does, and I asked her to come back in a few minutes.  She never said anything about needing to talk, or anything at all she just went away.  She cut the worst she ever has, with the exception of a suicide attempt, that night.  Usually her cuts are very superficial and leave very little scarring there is just a ton of them.  These ones were much deeper and left bad scars.  She went into the crisis unit the next day. 

So OF COURSE, the ONE time she comes to me to talk before cutting I blow it.  After working so long and hard to get her to come talk to me she finally does, and look what happens.  Now it's going to take even more work to get her to talk to me.  However, the clinician did point out to her that had she actually told me she needed to talk, maybe I wouldn't have sent her away that night.  She needs to TELL me what she needs when she comes to me.  And in my defense, the few times in the past when she has wanted to talk about ANYTHING I have dropped what I was doing and listened to her.  I told her that in therapy and she said yes but if she had told me, I would have, but then someone would have had to some lay down with my grandson and it would have disturbed someone else too.  She is so reluctant to disturb anyone or make waves to ask for help, yet what does she think it does when she self-injures or has a suicide attempt?  It turns the whole family upside down. 

Anyway, I have rambled enough.  So I guess bottom line is family therapy is something I am thinking is going to be some work and I am prepared.

[jellibeans]

Elbry

I happy to read your update... .sounds very hopeful and it is wonderful your dd is open to the help. Can I ask at what RTC she is at? I love reading post like this... .gives me such hope for you and your family

[Elbry]

DD15 is at Sweetser in Rockport Maine.

[pessim-optimist]

Family therapy has not been too bad so far, but I am prepared for some tough sessions. 

... .However, the clinician did point out to her that had she actually told me she needed to talk, maybe I wouldn't have sent her away that night.  She needs to TELL me what she needs when she comes to me. 

... .So I guess bottom line is family therapy is something I am thinking is going to be some work and I am prepared.

You are an awesome mom, Elbry, and you are right that there is work ahead of you, but you are ready, and that's great!

The therapist will work with both you and your dd to learn new ways to handle some situations, and as long as it's all in the atmosphere of looking for solutions rather than placing blame, your dd will have a good chance of developing new skills that she needs and you might learn more about her, and how you can better help her.

I am so happy for you!

Do they have an initial estimate of how long she might be there, or not yet?

[Elbry]

Do they have an initial estimate of how long she might be there, or not yet?

They are estimating 6 months right now.  I can't believe that means she will turn 16 while she is there.  But at least she WILL BE turning 16. 

[mggt]

Just wanted to wish you continued good luck and take it easy on yourself we had to put our dd in a rtc on her 16 th

\

birthday we felt so guilty , but we got over it .  It is always a last resort and it kills up parents but remember we are

the advocates and would and will do anything for them god bless and stay strong