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Author Topic: My Craydar is on high alert  (Read 304 times)
Craydar
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« on: November 11, 2014, 10:56:01 PM »

After a 13 month relationship and 2 mos nc, I met a woman and immediately after 2 weeks dumped her bc she showed traits of BPD and I am not going back to that with someone else. Anyone else have similar stories?
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thatwasthat
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« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2014, 11:26:05 PM »

May I ask what the signs where in your case?

I had contact with a girl a couple of weeks ago. Seemed nice in the beginning.

But she quickly started telling me these, hm, weird stories. About why she doesn't like one of her professors at university. At first it was funny, in the way of her being funny, but it soon felt more like she was kind of obsessed about talking about him and how he tried to seduce her etc. Everything was a bit odd.

To top it off. When i started feeling a bit weird about all this I started to pull out of it. Every "normal" person would have gotten the message. She didn't, she amped it up quite a few notches. Although she always stressed how she isn't an "easy" girl she started making obvious offers to come over and "roll around on her living room floor."

Thank you but no thank you.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Craydar
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« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2014, 11:35:24 PM »

My signs:  (all within 2 weeks and 3 dates)

Texting me constantly.

Saying she missed me and was mad if I didn't reciprocate

Quickly moved to sex

Talking about our future together.

Bad mouthing ex boyfriends

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thatwasthat
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« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2014, 11:38:06 PM »

My signs:  (all within 2 weeks and 3 dates)

Texting me constantly.

Saying she missed me and was mad if I didn't reciprocate

Quickly moved to sex

Talking about our future together.

Bad mouthing ex boyfriends

Haha. No. I don't think anyone could say you overreacted. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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thatwasthat
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« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2014, 11:43:21 PM »

I almost forgot about one. Somehow a sneaky   .

Just dated her once, didn't really expect anything. It was a wednesday night and I thought: "Better than having dinner alone."

Well. She somehow asked me about my ex. I told her that it was pretty much a cluster___, but that I'm over it and that she suffered from some mental illness.

That SPARKED her interest.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

She was all over it, asking me tons of questions. I tried to answer in a not too personal and general way.

She was constantly but subtly correcting me about this stuff. As if she knew more about all this, could empathize somehow. I asked her if she had a run in with someone similar. She said: "never."

"CHECK PLEASE!"  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Pingo
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« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2014, 11:47:46 PM »

After a 13 month relationship and 2 mos nc, I met a woman and immediately after 2 weeks dumped her bc she showed traits of BPD and I am not going back to that with someone else. Anyone else have similar stories?

Although I haven't started to date, I have noticed a lot of BPD traits in many people I know and meet... .I'm always saying to my daughter 'she's BPD' or 'he's BPD' about various people, I've been driving her crazy Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

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Infared
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« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2014, 02:30:40 AM »

My signs:  (all within 2 weeks and 3 dates)

Texting me constantly.

Saying she missed me and was mad if I didn't reciprocate

Quickly moved to sex

Talking about our future together.

Bad mouthing ex boyfriends

Your craydar could have been set on low to detect the craziness there. LOL.

We attract this, don't we?
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Craydar
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« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2014, 01:21:43 PM »

We are susceptible to this. Why is that? Is they something about us that attracts crazy?

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BrokenFamily
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« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2014, 01:31:59 PM »

2 months post breakup and I'm not really even emotionally ready to date again but I forced it about a week ago.

I needed to get out of the house and also hoped to strike a nerve with my ex by taking a picture with a beautiful girl and posting it on FB.

I felt horrible being replaced the day after the breakup and wanted her to feel how I felt.

Ten minutes into the date she was telling me how horrible all her ex's were, how amazing I am and how she's on several different meds. I was also turned off by her voice and erratic behavior. I would guess if not BPD this girl had serious issues.

Which leads me to believe that very attractive girls often have a greater chance of BPD.
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In Pain
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« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2014, 02:09:01 PM »

I recycled an ex GF after my BPD GF broke up with me.

I thought I could F**K my way past the pain.

When I had dated the ex GF previously for 3 months, she was just coming out of a divorce and was a bit kooky, no problem.  But very HOT and sexy.

I spent 24 hours with the ex GF. 

Results;

She was still just as kooky.

The sex was just ok.

Lying around she then tells me that she was sexually abused when she was younger…and then the topper………Her father murdered 2 people !

I’M DONE !

I will never call this girl again. NEVER ! She has her issues, and I’m sorry about that….but I don’t need to deal with that crap ever again.  Maybe she has a disorder, maybe not…... but I’m not sticking around to find out.

My ex BPD GF had similar issues that I had to SUFFER with.

BTW………you can’t F**k your way past the pain.

If that worked…... I’d be a borderline ! LOL
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RedDove
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« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2014, 02:30:40 PM »

I think after our encounters with our BPD's our craydar is on high alert! I'm 4+ months out of my encounter w my ex BPDbf. I joined a dating site and my ex BPDbf broke NC by messaging me on the site. But, I'm not taking the bait. It's the same old, same old idealization... .I miss you's, I love you's, blah, blah!

I went to a Halloween Bash hosted by the dating site on Halloween. A great band was playing and I thought it was a fun way to get out and mingle. Well, I approached three guys, which took a lot for me because I'm an introvert and old fashioned.

Here are the results of those conversations:

Bachelor #1 - he was standing next to me, so I said hi. He said, oh, yeah, hi. Like it was too much effort just to say hello. I commented that the band was really good. He said, oh, yeah they are, but I've seen them before. I walked away.

Bachelor #2 - walked over to my table and asked if my costume was Game of Thrones character. I said, yes, thanks for noticing, tell me about your costume. His response, oh I'm a reggae guy. I asked how he heard about the event. He said the dating site, but I don't want anyone to know, you might as well tattoo "desperate" on my forehead, everyone on the site is really screwed up! NEXT!

Bachelor #3 - approached my friend, but was nice enough to talk to both of us. As we chatted he went on to say he was separated for 3 months, his wife was crazy, but he's used to crazy women. She wanted him to go to therapy for anger issues, etc. Buh bye!

That was my evening, but at least the band was great and me and my female friend danced and had a good time dressing up and getting out!
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Infared
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« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2014, 03:56:15 PM »

We are susceptible to this. Why is that? Is they something about us that attracts crazy?

I am in a program of recovery... .I have a sponsor. ... .sometimes when I am hanging out with him ... .I mention someone that I find to be attractive in public... .etc.

At one point he turned to me and says... ."this is starting to make a LOT more sense now ... .your problems in relationships... THESE are the women you are picking!"

LOL!.

I don't act on it any more... .but I know when I am REALLY attracted to someone sexually I have pulled the batteries out of the Craydar unit.   I don't act on it anymore... .

... but it was explained to me at some point that I have a really, really bad picker.  Really bad. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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StayOrLeave15
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« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2014, 10:46:51 PM »

After a 13 month relationship and 2 mos nc, I met a woman and immediately after 2 weeks dumped her bc she showed traits of BPD and I am not going back to that with someone else. Anyone else have similar stories?

Yup. Met a girl during one of the (many) breakups in my BPD relationship and had a one night stand with her.  The next day we talked on the phone for two hours.  In retrospect this was selfish on my part because I was using it to take away my pain from the BPD breakup.

She starts texting nonstop.  My low self-confidence at the time made me feel obligated to respond to her quickly.  She was throwing me compliments and coming on to me left and right.  Lived halfway across the country but wanted to stay with me when she came back to my city.  Insinuated she wanted to move here and be my girlfriend. I shut that one down.  Stopped responding.  She kept texting. Leaving me drunk messages.  One day it was "Well I guess I should just delete your number." The next it was, "Hey how is everything?   Smiling (click to insert in post) ."

Yeah so I nipped that one in the bud.  BUT, I know myself.  She was very cute but a good step down from my (not trying to brag, just state facts) stunning BPDexgf.  If she were more attractive I wonder if I would have "bit" a little more at what she was throwing out there.  This is something I have identified in myself and am working on.
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Craydar
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« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2014, 01:28:37 AM »

After a 13 month relationship and 2 mos nc, I met a woman and immediately after 2 weeks dumped her bc she showed traits of BPD and I am not going back to that with someone else. Anyone else have similar stories?

Yup. Met a girl during one of the (many) breakups in my BPD relationship and had a one night stand with her.  The next day we talked on the phone for two hours.  In retrospect this was selfish on my part because I was using it to take away my pain from the BPD breakup.

She starts texting nonstop.  My low self-confidence at the time made me feel obligated to respond to her quickly.  She was throwing me compliments and coming on to me left and right.  Lived halfway across the country but wanted to stay with me when she came back to my city.  Insinuated she wanted to move here and be my girlfriend. I shut that one down.  Stopped responding.  She kept texting. Leaving me drunk messages.  One day it was "Well I guess I should just delete your number." The next it was, "Hey how is everything?   Smiling (click to insert in post) ."

Yeah so I nipped that one in the bud.  BUT, I know myself.  She was very cute but a good step down from my (not trying to brag, just state facts) stunning BPDexgf.  If she were more attractive I wonder if I would have "bit" a little more at what she was throwing out there.  This is something I have identified in myself and am working on.

Sounds familiar. Last week I legitimately canceled a second date with someone and then a week later when we were supposed to go out, We were confirming the time and she lashed out that I was 'rude to cancel twice - forget it... .Goodbye'  Seriously? I didn't cancel... .but no problem - take care   
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