Emotionally weak part two

[tristesse]

Well DD has been going strong now since Friday, picking different targets along the way etc.

Last nigt my entire world was flipped upside down because of her inability to control herself. DH is moving out. DD accepts no responsibility for any of this. DH blood pressure is through the roof, afraid hes on the verge of a heart attack or stroke, but she keeps pushing. The worst of it is, she wants pity.

she will not see the problems she has caused, she will not admit that she has said or done anything to anybody, but keeps saying we are so mean to her.

I offered to take her step by step to the T. office to get records, to the SOC. SEC. office to file for benefits, and help her get her license back and become somewhat independent, at least financially. She said she is being lead around by a ring through her nose and she is sick of it. She doesn't want an ultimatum.

Well I'm sick of her and her crap, Im tired and worn completely out. I have no idea what Im going to do, I have been married to this man for 32 years, I love him more than life itself, but she is my daughter, and I love her too. I have fought for her and fought for her, but she has destroyed my life.

How do I let go?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mkmomto2]

I am so sorry. I have no advice for you since I'm new to this but just wanted to offer support. I hope you and your husband can both heal.

[lever.]

Tristesse-first of all your son and dil had to leave, now your DH is talking about leaving. Your DD is an adult and although she is unwell she cannot continue to live with you. It sounds at present as if she is unwilling or unable to help herself in any way.

I don't know how the mental health services operate where you are but if it were here I would be phoning the adult mental health services to explain where you are up to and that it can't go on.

When my DD was in her mid 20s we rented a room in a shared house for her for a few months. It cost us a bit but gave everyone some space and I still saw her several times per week.

I am so sorry that things are taking such a bad turn -thinking of you 

[Rapt Reader]

I'm so sorry for all of this stress, tristesse 

Has your husband actually moved out?

I agree that things have got to change in your household.

I agree with lever; is there a Mental Health Services with your County or area that is available to you (and your daughter)? Since she has a child, surely there is some sort of financial aid or housing available to her?

Maybe some sort of professional already involved with her could mediate this situation for you? Dr., Therapist, Social Worker, etc. that knows her situation in some way?

You can't do this alone at this point, and your family--and marriage--need intervention, I think, to keep everything intact. I really wish you well... .

[tristesse]

Thank you everybody for the caring and concern,

I have been looking this entire for emergency assistance and have been completely shot down, but will continue to try.

I have had DD to every office she ever visited to get her medical records, and am forcing her to apply for disability. some of the record will not be available for several days.She is being given no choice but to try and gain independence.

I have offered to help her with applications and documentation, etc. but will no longer carry this heavy burden.

The housing wait is 8 years here, and there is no funding for emergency assistance, so I will continue to look outside of our county.

DH has unpacked what was packed and has agreed to hang in while I try and get her a place to live. I am not sure that was a good choice considering his health is in jeopardy, But I am happy to have him around. Does that make sense?

I am firm in what I believe, and I believe she needs to be out of my house, but I am struggling. My heart aches and I am filled with so much sadness. I love her, she is a horrible hateful nasty mean person, but I love her. She is my daughter.

[theplotthickens]

I am so sorry to hear this!  My husband and I are also at our wit's end. 

My suggestion would be to get her a mental health social worker, and tell the worker that she can no longer live in your house.  If she continues to cross boundaries, your only option may be to drop her at a shelter, unless you have extended family that can take her.

I also think that your daughter needs to move out, and that you need to move on with your own life.  She is poisoning your relationships, and using your sense of duty against you to keep you stuck.  I know this very well, because I am in it as well.

I got legal custody of dd, as she was found incompetent, and we are saying she needs to move out by January 1st.  She has an adult services worker that is supposed to help her.  Honestly,  my dd is not motivated to change, pushes every button, and lives to make us miserable.  It is her only happiness in life.  Sad, I know.  It is important that she finds other coping skills - this is no way for anybody to live.

I hope that you can find your daughter the support she needs, and get her on disability, social security, etc due to her mental health condition so that she can live independently.

My heart goes out to you!  You deserve to have a life and get your marriage back on track.  Your husband cannot take this drama anymore, and I suspect that you are spent as well.  You can't do this alone.  Sending you hugs!