back in hospital

[breathofheaven]

My d16 had to be readmitted Nov. 1 for suicidal threats and increased self harm.  She was nearing almost one year since her last admission for being unsafe.  The last admission was her very first which amounted to her being out of the home for 7 months with no one listening that she had borderline traits.  It was a nightmare.  Yes, she was at a residential facility.  A place that attempted to 'break her' because she was so 'manipulative' and 'oppositional.'  My fear has always been a repeat of this if she gets admitted again. And so it goes... .She is completely dysregulated with extreme self harm/suicidal threats, aggression-needing to be restrained frequently.  She is at a state facility since she refused treatment locally, and literally begged to go back to this horrible place.  The only consolation this time is that her psychiatrist at this place fully acknowledges the borderline traits.  The downside is that she sees my d as an out of control juvenile delinquent. And as a state facility, it feels like they forget that d has parents that need to be called and included in her care.  I keep reminding them that my d is not a ward of the state!  Where do we go from here?  She is too unstable to be transferred as no place would accept her.  She is stuck in this place unless she can somehow reboot.  At this moment, she hates both my husband and myself and refuses any phone calls or visits.  She is demanding now that she wants to leave the place.  Of course just in the past 24 hours she tied a blanket around her neck so hard she passed out.  So we are in the process of making her incompetent through the courts. Because of her age, if she says she wants out, the facility has to find her incompetent with our consent.  So she will be stuck at this place until she stabilizes.  Her borderline traits are very severe when she is at inpatient facilities especially when they have no idea how to handle her.  She's already made her list of good/bad staff, maintains parents are the enemy, and her mantra is "cutting is who am I and I'll never stop until I am dead."  Of course, other events have happened at this place that truly are unbelievable.  Many times I have to tell her psychiatrist that at home she was functionally stable--getting A's with homeschooling, going to therapy once a week, taking meds, seeing psychiatrist, doing things with siblings and with her parents... .  Anyway, I am afraid.  Right now she is so far gone... .

I am grateful for this forum and for all the tools and lessons on this site.  It is also comforting to know that I am not alone. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

breathofheaven

OH I am so sad that you and your family have to suffer through this time with your DD. It is hard to trust the staff when you feel so excluded from her treatment planning. Sometimes, as others here have experienced, it takes several months of struggle before the patient/client is able to gain enough self-reflection to accept treatment. My heart is with you.

My BPDDD28 has struggled for her entire life with feeling like she does not belong - anywhere. In her case she developed a survival strategy that pushed down her feelings then she projects them a full volume onto a target. Usually family. She has not cut but self-harms in other outward ways with risky behaviors and attitudes/beliefs. She has been in the legal system the past 2 years - DUI, probation violations, harassment, no-contact violations... .  The court has offered her many opportunities in various programs for recovery from both her drug usage and her mental health issues. She has flipped out in rages, withdrawn and not participated, on and on. She ended up with probation terminated and has just been released from 9 months living in the jail (in various programs). I realize she cannot succeed from my efforts. It has to come from inside. She has to feel safe in her environment, inside her skin, with people she has some level of trust before she can accept the help offered. I hope you DD can come to this place of internal courage soon.

Was there a specific incident that sent her off into this current downward spiral? You say she was doing OK at home:

"Many times I have to tell her psychiatrist that at home she was functionally stable--getting A's with homeschooling, going to therapy once a week, taking meds, seeing psychiatrist, doing things with siblings and with her parents... "

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that the court proceedings proceed quickly and smoothly. Please keep coming back to let us know how things are going or just to vent frustration.

qcr  

[pessim-optimist]

My heart goes out to you, breathofheaven.

What do you think would be best for your dd in this situation?

What do you make of her contradictory wishes of wanting to go back to this facility and wanting to leave now? Not that it is an option, but do you know what her "plan" would be if she were to be discharged since she doesn't want to have anything to do with you and your husband (poor girl, she does seem to be completely dysregulated)... . 

Her borderline traits are very severe when she is at inpatient facilities especially when they have no idea how to handle her.

You don't seem to be thrilled with the place and your dd's symptoms are severe there... .Do you have an idea what made your dd want to go there? Could it be her realization that she isn't safe and will take any help available, or do you think it's something else?

[jellibeans]

breathofheaven

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am your dd is struggling so right now. Can you tell us more about her recent suicidal treats? What triggered this? Is there a pattern you see? Please keep posting... .hang in there

[breathofheaven]

I deeply thank you all for your responses.  Yes, there were triggers leading up to her Nov 1 admission.  She was nearly 3 weeks post op from jaw surgery in which her jaws were completely shut.  I know, why on earth would she have the surgery?  Her lower jaw was significantly misaligned from the upper one. 

Since emotionally she had been doing fairly well, along with the fact that she really wanted the surgery, my husband and I felt that this surgery could promote something positive in her self image.  With her jaws shut, all her meds had to be liquid.  It was a huge stressor since all meds tasted terrible despite mixing them with everything imaginable.  The other stressor had to do granting her a private instagram account.  She decided to research past bullies and a past employee of the state facility where she is now.  She couldn't believe the "happy lives" the bullies were living and she was so "miserable."  The past employee issue is someone who she bonded with during her previous admission.  This person kept in contact with her even when she went to residential.  Then one day with DD still in the RTC, this person stopped contact without any explanation.  Talk about abandonment for my DD!   It was a mess and obviously it continues.

DD desperately wanted to get back to the state facility I think because of the connection she had with this employee even though she no longer works there.  In her mind there may be other staff members that may still be in touch with this person.  She says that she can be her "true self" there.  She doesn't have to pretend like she does at home.  She has let it all hang out since her admission:  attacking a staff member, going to er several times to remove paper clip and staples from her arm... .

At present she still refuses to speak to my husband and I and refuses visits.  I have to tell you this is killing me.  Understanding why and living it are so very different.  Sorry not very hopeful at the moment.

[pessim-optimist]

At present she still refuses to speak to my husband and I and refuses visits.  I have to tell you this is killing me.  Understanding why and living it are so very different.  Sorry not very hopeful at the moment.

Hm, that must be really difficult to take... .I would keep reaching out here and there, so she knows you care. Hopefully she will change her mind soon... .

She is stuck in this place unless she can somehow reboot. 

... .So we are in the process of making her incompetent through the courts. Because of her age, if she says she wants out, the facility has to find her incompetent with our consent.  So she will be stuck at this place until she stabilizes. 

Is this process coming through ok? That means that at least she is reasonably safe, correct?

So, now you just sit and wait it out? Very reasonable, tough to do, hang in there!

[jellibeans]

breathofheaven

I am sorry she seems to have gone off track so much. My dd gets this way when under stress... .she has a very strong fight of flight response. For a time running away and going to the ER were a real pattern for her. You might just have to let this run it's course until she is stable again. The P hospitals can help but in my experience they also like to change meds and then release so you can deal with the fall out. I would insist that her personal P be involved with any med changes.

You are not alone breathofheaven... .we have been where you are... .you will get through this and hopefully your dd can be stablized. I would like to think that this is a good step for her... .seeking help and acknowledging she needs it... .there is a positive somewhere in there... .take care of yourself and keep us posted... .

[Elbry]

I just have to say, it was REALLY inappropriate for that staff member to stay in touch with your daughter.   I think you can see why, it seems to be causing your DD a great deal of distress and upset.  I am shocked by this.  Maybe they abruptly cut off contact with her because they got caught?  So unprofessional, unethical and dangerous to do with an unstable person.   

I am sorry to hear she is refusing visits and not talking to you, that must be awful for you.  I hope staff at the facility stay in touch with you and keep you updated.