Why is she prolonging?

[SadRed]

Hi all

I've been a member over a year but only posted once, always difficult to put into words how you're feeling... I'm currently split from my uBPDw and am trying to get her to collect her belongings (she ended things and moved out) however this is proving difficult, as there always seems to be an excuse, car trouble feeling ill etc... I've even offered to pack for her and get my family to drop it at hers but she wants to collect it herself... we are in contact and for the most part it's been amiable, but why the delay in making it final?

I really do not know what I want any more so I really think I need to go nc for a while to recover, so I was hoping she would collect her things and there would be no practical need to be in touch...

Any words of wisdom out there please?

SR

[maxen]

hi SadRed. if your w does have BPD, this could be explained by the abandonment dynamic. if she isn't with someone else, she would want to keep a connection to you to avoid the profound fear of abandonment that marks BPD. (have to say, you don't need to have BPD to feel that way!) how long has she been out? is there a chance of reconciliation? are you undecided?

[SadRed]

Hi Maxen

It's pretty much what I thought. She's been gone almost 3 weeks but this is the second time this year and I'm about done in emotionally, hence the need for distance. I'm not sure if there is a chance of reconciliation, I'm not even sure I'd want to after the last few years. I'm just exhausted, I also have other family issues to deal with at the moment which is not making anything better. I feel a lot of anger and resentment for her at the moment and I'm just fighting hard not to blow. I guess what I'm looking for is a bit of peace, but then I guess we all are...

Thanks for taking the time, I appreciate it. SR

[maxen]

I also have other family issues to deal with at the moment which is not making anything better.

i'm not trying to one-up here, but the week after my wife answered my divorce service my mother began to deteriorate and she died a few months later. i speak from experience here: make as much emotional room as you need to deal with your family stuff. those things are alive right now, the r/s isn't. i felt enormous anger too but you might be able to walk away from her and the anger a bit by attending to your family issues.

do you have a therapist?