Am I a BPD Mom?

[kellygirl601]

After going through all of this with my daughter, now 21, I have this question for myself-Do I have BPD?  Am I a BPD Mom?  Lately I have been wondering this a lot.  Maybe I didn't parent my girls normally.  I just don't know.  How can I figure it out?    :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jdtm]

I have not read your posts so I don't know your background.  Maybe that is a good thing.  Our uBPD ex-DIL was a BPD mom.  She rarely fed her children, did not nurture them or care for them, often forgot Christmas and Birthdays, criticized every positive person in their lives (relatives, friends and neighbours), had the family in financial difficulty, constantly lied to her family and children, and only thought of herself.   Several years ago she left our son and abandoned her children.  This has been my experience with a BPD mom.

[trytrytry]

Hello Kellygirl,

Your post struck a chord with me mainly because I can see myself in my udBPDdaughter- She's now 28.

What I've come to believe is that BPD symptoms, like all illnesses, are on a scale and sadly, her level of illness affects her ability to move through life much more than does mine.

I have tendencies to see things in black and white and feel alone so much.  I also have addictions and self centered behaviors.  I was able to find help and solutions and to create a stable life for myself and my girls.

We are all just people trying to do the best we can as I'm sure is true for you-Best wishes on your journey.

[kellygirl601]

Thanks.  My daughter had a huge blow up last night, but different than the other ones.  Of course I always end up feeling like this is my fault. She is 21 and I flipped out because she was talking about seeing someone that had been in prison, tattoos all over his face... .  I guess I am being judgmental but the one thing she has not done is get caught up in anything like that.  I was so upset and on many levels.  Now she is telling me she is drawing a line in our relationship, something I have thought about saying many times.  She doesn't want me texting her all the time.  My other daughter, 27, said that the 21 yr old and I are codependent.  That made me feel like she talks about me even though she didn't say it in a mean way.  I just don't  know.

[Kate4queen]

Kelly one of the things that people with BPD are really good at doing is 'reflecting' back their issues and fears about themselves and their behavior on those who love them. This thinking often ends up distorting your reality to such an extent that you believe you are the problem and not them. I think a lot of us have been in that position. What worked for me was to get a counselor/therapist for myself to talk through the issues with someone neutral, which reminded me that I might feel guilty and wish I could do better for my son with BPD, but I wasn't the one 'with' BPD.

[kellygirl601]

Thank you all so much.  Last night my 2 daughters got in a horrible fight.  21BPD had to her 27 yr old sisters house to do something with a Christmas gift.  They got in a huge fight.  Older sister kicked her out of her home, said horrible things to her and told her to never come back.  Older sisters boyfriend told her not to let her drive so upset and she said she didn't care, she's sick of it.  Now 21BPD wont come around for Christmas of Christmas Eve.  I have talked to the 27 year old since this happened and she said NOTHING.  I haven't said anything either.  I understand 21BPD is hard to deal with.  But she is mentally ill.  If she had downs syndrome would she treat her this way?