I love my daughter

[Parents! Get help here!]

After years of being manipulated, lied to, hit, and screamed at and walking on eggshells by my daughter we finally have a BPD diagnosis for her behavior. She held it together beautifully all day in school and as soon as she got off the bus you could see the change in her as she walked across the yard to the front porch. She'd yell and scream at me like she needed to shake her day off of her. Then she'd be ok for most of the rest of the evening. Bedtime was a challenge. Homework was too. But her grades were good.

I got divorced from her father when she was in middle school. That was a tough time for her and her grades reflected it.

She started therapy at age 10 with a child psychologist. He was a very nice man but never saw her Jekyll and Hyde routine because she was always on her best behavior with him. After 2 years of therapy and getting nowhere we stopped.

I have been told she is autistic, bi-polar, she has sensory integration issues, she's ADHD, she was born angry.

She started smoking pot in high school and continued it though college. Her last semester of senior year she tried to hang herself. I had her committed to the hospital. But still it was a week of her feeling safe and happy and off you go back to school -2 hours away from home.

She finished her semester and graduated with a degree in Art and one in Psychology. Her ultimate goal is to an art therapist.

She's 24 now.

She's on medication for her BPD and when she takes it- it really helps.

She still wants to smoke pot.

She has had 4 different jobs in the past 2.5 years and has traded pot smoking to buying lottery tickets.

She loves her therapist and keeps her appointments.

BUT she's angry and resentful that she has  BPD and is on medication.

So, I don't care about why she is BPD the past is the past. I need to learn how to set boundaries and move forward from her because my emotional bank is empty. My bank account is almost depleted. In 2 years she will no longer be on my health insurance.  Right now she is working a part time minimum wage job. She is smart and has wonderful potential. She has a HUGE heart and would give away her last dime to someone more unfortunate than her.

So here I am. I love her but I need help.

Thanks for listening.

laura

[laura61]

After years of being manipulated, lied to, hit, and screamed at and walking on eggshells by my daughter we finally have a BPD diagnosis for her behavior. She held it together beautifully all day in school and as soon as she got off the bus you could see the change in her as she walked across the yard to the front porch. She'd yell and scream at me like she needed to shake her day off of her. Then she'd be ok for most of the rest of the evening. Bedtime was a challenge. Homework was too. But her grades were good.

I got divorced from her father when she was in middle school. That was a tough time for her and her grades reflected it.

She started therapy at age 10 with a child psychologist. He was a very nice man but never saw her Jekyll and Hyde routine because she was always on her best behavior with him. After 2 years of therapy and getting nowhere we stopped.

I have been told she is autistic, bi-polar, she has sensory integration issues, she's ADHD, she was born angry.

She started smoking pot in high school and continued it though college. Her last semester of senior year she tried to hang herself. I had her committed to the hospital. But still it was a week of her feeling safe and happy and off you go back to school -2 hours away from home.

She finished her semester and graduated with a degree in Art and one in Psychology. Her ultimate goal is to an art therapist.

She's 24 now.

She's on medication for her BPD and when she takes it- it really helps.

She still wants to smoke pot.

She has had 4 different jobs in the past 2.5 years and has traded pot smoking to buying lottery tickets.

She loves her therapist and keeps her appointments.

BUT she's angry and resentful that she has  BPD and is on medication.

So, I don't care about why she is BPD the past is the past. I need to learn how to set boundaries and move forward from her because my emotional bank is empty. My bank account is almost depleted. In 2 years she will no longer be on my health insurance.  Right now she is working a part time minimum wage job. She is smart and has wonderful potential. She has a HUGE heart and would give away her last dime to someone more unfortunate than her.

So here I am. I love her but I need help.

Thanks for listening.

laura

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NorthernGirl]

Hello laura61 and 

I'm sorry you have been through such challenges with your daughter. It must be very difficult but it is so good you are able to see the positives in her. I'm glad you've found our site as it will be a great resource for you to learn more about BPD. You will find you are not alone here!

I suggest you read and post on the Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board. You'll find great resources here, but members who understand what you're going through. Even though your daughter is an adult, you will still be impacted by her decisions. There's usually lots of chaos, drama and guilt going around, and our members can help you sort through that.

What do you think the areas are you need the most help? What are your biggest challenges?

Please keep posting your story and your questions, and we'll help you on your journey. 

[picturelady]

Hi laura61, and welcome.   

My, I'm so sorry for all that you've been through.  What a painful journey.  But I'm also glad that you've made your way here to BPD Family.  I have been coming to this site on and off for a number of years now, and the information and support here have gotten me through some very tough times.

One of the best things is discovering that you're not alone... .that there are others who have gone through very similar (sometimes identical!) but bizarre experiences.  My oldest and youngest daughters both suffer from BPD behaviors.  Also my ex.  Living with the Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde behaviors really mess with your head.

Even though it's so hard and painful, you are at a crossroads right now.  I applaud you for being able to say:

"I need to learn how to set boundaries and move forward from her because my emotional bank is empty. 

So here I am. I love her but I need help."

Keep coming back and reading all that you can.  Keep posting and asking questions.  Check out the Message Boards and articles on raising a BPD Child:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0

Take care, laura61.  You are in our thoughts tonight.

PictureLady 

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