Hopes and dreams

[Elpis]

Faith,

I start thinking i'm getting stronger--and I am in many ways--but thankfully my phone died in the middle of my uBPDh harassing me hard via text, telling me what a horrid, selfish person I am because I won't speak to him. That kinda sweet-talk oughta get me to open right up!

Yes, PTSD is alive and well and living in my body. I already had complex ptsd from my childhood, which I did not know, when I married him. He has harassed and harassed over the years until I would collapse into that scared child, and even mock me for it sometimes. So now I have Thing 1 and Thing 2 of complex ptsd. i'm trying to heal, I really am, but I still start trembling and my chest hurts and I can't breathe when he starts pushing like that even via text. HATEFUL.

[downwhim]

Sandman and Faith,

Thanks for your replies. I can sleep better tonight knowing that this disorder and these several years of togetherness were really not as I thought they were. I built up in my mind that things would get better, we could work it all out but I have no right to think I can defeat this illness. Surrendering is the only thing I can do and move on.

[Hawk Ridge]

Wow, Sand... .very simple but clear perspective... .maybe that's all it really is... .surrendering to the illness... .thanks for the early Christmas present

[PaintedBlack28]

 I’m crying because I've finally accepted that she’s not emotionally capable of the healthy, loving relationship I imagined we would have for the rest of our lives.  I’m crying because, even when all reasonable chances for a relationship have faded, hopes and dreams die a long, slow, painful death.[/quote]
That's right, the exact thing I relate to - hurts like hell and beyond.