shutting out the pain

[Henry II]

    After getting drunk on sugar and chocolate yesterday and ranting. Today she is not to bad, however she has decided to go back to her room and have all the shades drawn and lights off. Door is open though. I assume that she is in pain from all the problems she sees.

 

  She talks to her T almost once a week but not this week. By phone. Helps her get thru.

   I am not invalidating as I must have in the past as I was not aware of invalidating.

  I am validating her concerns and feelings and trying not to overdue it. I actually am becoming more aware of how much pain  she is in emotionally.

  That said, what is the next thing to getting her over her fears.

 

  How do I get to walk out the door to see family and friends and not have her not be afraid something bad will happen to her while I am gone.? Very fearful.

[Samuel S.]

I understand your fear and your concern for her. It is very good that she talks with her T on a regular basis. It is very good that you validate her when she wishes to be validated. Knowing that she can be validated when she wants recognition of her problems will allow her to open up that much more so.

If you tactfully wish to encourage her to move outside her room, that is fine; however, to push her and/or to demand her to move outside her room will only make her become defensive and actually will create more resistance by her.

So, it is best to be there for her and to be patient with her. She obviously has a lot to deal with.

As for your fear when you are out and about, if she has a hobby or an interest, it may be a good idea to suggest her to pursue that interest. If she is occupied with something that she enjoys, that can help her.

In the meantime, Henry II, it is obvious that you love and care for her, and it is important for you to love and care for yourself that are validating for you. You need to enjoy those things and those people around you, too.