harassment

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I am again being accused of by my exBPD.   My kids are having to be interviewed again this time by a detective.   He told me that what she is doing is harassment and I may have a good case against her.

Any one ever pursued that?   My gut tells me it will just engage her more and make it worse.   On the other hand I don't know how to make the harassment stop.   I wish I could convice the authorities that her actions are criminal in behavior so they would go after her.   I mean how many times can someone threaten you before the police will do something about it?   I am meeting with the detective next week to be interviewed and discuss it more.   Such a nightmare.

[suffering_parent]

So I am again being accused of by my exBPD.   My kids are having to be interviewed again this time by a detective.   He told me that what she is doing is harassment and I may have a good case against her.

Any one ever pursued that?   My gut tells me it will just engage her more and make it worse.   On the other hand I don't know how to make the harassment stop.   I wish I could convice the authorities that her actions are criminal in behavior so they would go after her.   I mean how many times can someone threaten you before the police will do something about it?   I am meeting with the detective next week to be interviewed and discuss it more.   Such a nightmare.

[david]

Boundaries are the most important thing I learned in how to deal with my xBPDw.

If you think a harassment charge would stop her then that may be a good boundary. If you think it will not stop her you may want to consider it anyway to try to establish a boundary that she will need to understand once there are consequences.

I have several boundaries that I have established with my ex. It took years before she figured I was not going to change my boundary. Some people take more time to learn things.

If I was going to file a charge against my ex I would figure out all the consequences for both parties. The court can then place a consequence for any further actions by ex so she knows what to expect if she tries it again.

[Turkish]

What is she doing or accusing you of, specifically. I'm sure it's not good if a detective is involved. Kids are safe?

[suffering_parent]

What is she doing or accusing you of, specifically. I'm sure it's not good if a detective is involved. Kids are safe?

Sexual abuse.   Detective was really nice said normally he wouldn't even follow up on an obviously false allegations, but its coming from another source so he has to.   It's the third time they will be interviewed.   I just had cps deal with the allegations a few months ago.   She gets shutdown and finds other avenues to complain too.   Kids are safe - detective said if he thought otherwise he would have been to my house immediatly.

It's so frustrating for my kids to keep having to go through this .

[david]

Keep gathering all the evidence she is giving you. She is continually making false allegations which makes co parenting not possible. Time could be better spent on the children and their best interests. The children are being subjected to this too which is not in their best interest.

Sounds like mom needs some counseling ordered by the court and if she does not comply she should at most have supervised visitation by a court appointed professional supervisor and not a family member, etc.

[enlighten me]

You need to protect yourself. If filing a complaint will get it on record then it might be a good idea. As she keeps on pursuing this you need to get it sorted out. You got lucky and have dealt with authority figures who have seen through it. It only takes her to convince someone else you did it and have a naive person dealing with the complaint for you to end up in trouble. As her current story hasnt worked she may try for something more plausable.

Speak to the detective and see what they recomend. They may be able to do somethkng less drastic than a harrasment charge like give her an official warning which would go on her record.

[david]

That is a great point. Ex accused me of assault. Prior to that she filed three protection orders against me and threatened me with legal action because she said I physically abused our youngest. I was not found guilty of assault but was charged with disorderly conduct and put in jail for two weeks. I lost my job until I can get me record expunged. That takes five years. As soon as I got out of jail I purchased a small audio recorder and a video recorder. I am never without them. Ex knows I have them and has kept her distance.

I live in Pa and you are not allowed to record conversations without a court order. My atty kept telling me to stop. Finally I said I was not recording a conversation but I was recording myself to protect myself. If she accused me of something I had a recording of myself, with time stamps on both, with me not doing what she accuses me of. I now turn the video camera on myself. There is no law against that. My atty told me to continue doing what I am doing.

[suffering_parent]

She already has supervised visits.    There are four kids its been hard for the supervisor to prevent her from saying inappropriate things to them.   She has her christmas visit coming right after this.   I can only imagine the things she will say to them.

I also record everything as its legal here.    I have her threatening me recorded.   I have emails with threats to me and my lawyer.    I took them to the police and they didn't want to see them.   Maybe I need to make more noise and get someone to take it seriously.   CPS is really frustrating.   The lady was so nice who interviewed me and said the report would be available soon for me to see.   Now they refuse to give it to me and said the case is still open.

I get harassing emails about once a week from her which I just ignore.    I am hoping the detective will give some good advice.   I am thinking a cease and desist might be the next step.   

[bravhart1]

I think you have grounds for some very serious charges against her. Accusing someone of sexually abusing your kids is unconscionable,and abuse in its self to your whole family.

First of all if she is in supervised visits, then the supervisor should be able to document if she questions the kids about inappropriate touching, which is a weird thing to bring up during a visit, unless the kids brought it up to her, at which time the supervisor would have to report that. Did that happen?

Second, this isn't the first time she has accused you of this? How many times? What was the outcome ? If they said her accusations were false before but she continues claiming it, she should be prohibited from filing such things by court order. Get a hearing and asks judge to make her stop.

The damage to kids in this type of situation is staggering. Some say worse than those who are truly being abused when it comes out, as they are usually relieved to have it stop.

Your children are just going to be exposed to all kinds of uncomfortable questions by strangers about things they don't even think about especially in regards to their parent. How awful.

Your attorney will obviously advise you best, but I would slam the lid on this once and for all.

[ForeverDad]

I had numerous allegations leveled at me, they started small then ramped up to the bad ones that could have put me in jail for years.  She went to every agency she could think of... .deputy sheriffs, local police, CPS, child therapy agency, doctors, hospitals, she once even tried to get an Amber Alert.  None worked, all were either below the left of being "actionable" or were investigated and the cases dropped or ruled "unsubstantiated".  But she kept trying and they all let her keep doing it.  I concluded it was like a person crying "fire", it has to be investigated every time in case on the 99th report it might be true.  (However in those cases repeated false reports might result in fines, that is, consequences.)

What did happen was that my ex gradually lost credibility.  For example, in the order granting me custody the court referenced a new claim from my ex, that I had tried to harm her years before.  It was simply noted then at the end of the decision I was made the Legal Guardian.

I wonder if you could file to get her limited to a "gate keeping order" where a judge must review a report before it proceeds?  I didn't manage it but surely there must be some method or structure to handle people abusing the system.

[livednlearned]

I wonder if you could file to get her limited to a "gate keeping order" where a judge must review a report before it proceeds?  I didn't manage it but surely there must be some method or structure to handle people abusing the system.

I have a gatekeeping order. From what I understand, only the judge can order this. It isn't something you can file, exactly. But it could be different where you live. And it's usually done to prevent highly litigious people. It probably wouldn't have an effect on her contacting CPS and detectives. And my experience is that it does not prevent the person from filing (meaning, you still have to get a lawyer to show up in court), it just means the judge is saying to the person that any motion will be dismissed. For someone with a PD, that doesn't mean much.

[suffering_parent]

Interview went fine they basically said they see no signs the allegations are true.   They basically said the same thing she has lost credibility and is running out of options for places to complain.   I am debating a cease and desist or harassment.   I still have another court case with her challenging jurisdiction.   I think I need to spend my money and time on that first.

With her running out of options it scares me, because the crazy isn't going to stop.   They were concerned enough they took photos of the kids incase of an abduction.