The unbelievable behavior continues...

[hattrick]

So in the last 4 and a half months my exgf (BPD) has broke up with me after 6 years together (that were great without the normal raging and push pull). She then gets engaged to my replacement less than a month after the b/u. Then she moves him into her place which is a double wide in a trailer park where her and her 2 kids live. Now I've found out she's buying a house. I'm guessing she's buying the house with my replacement as she hasn't got the money to do it and her credit is terrible (bankruptcy on there).

As our relationship was progressing it seemed as though she was getting her life in order. She was really in a good place. She had gone back to school. She had become a really good mom. Now she has gone completely off the rails. When she first broke up with me she was seemingly really happy and such. Now I hear she's stressing out and depressed again.

What can I expect next? Others on this board seem to think there is a good chance she will at some point re-engage and try for a recycle. I don't see that happening. Everyday she seems like she is moving her life farther and farther away from mine. It's so surreal that someone who was so loving and caring for 6 years can go completely insane so quickly. I know that this was probably triggered by all the stress  she had at the time (and may still be going through) but it's hard for a non like me to digest.

I know I'm not the only one who feels like its unfair that she is with someone else while I'm here alone with no real prospect to find a new woman. I'm so lonely and depressed. It's so hard to be able to meet a good woman especially at 39 years old.

[oletimefeelin]

If she's with someone else, you need to carry on your life like she's gone for good.  Move over to the other board and start focusing on yourself.  Waiting around for someone who has left you is a useless exercise.

If she comes back, you're in a better place to evaluate her at that time.  A woman will never respect you if you're just sitting around waiting around for her, disordered or otherwise.

[notdownyet]

I can only echo what oletimefeelin has said - you need to carry on with your life.

From the sounds of things, you're only focusing on all the good times that you had together, which will only serve to keep you thinking about the honeymoon stage of your relationship.  If you're honest with yourself, you'll see that your relationship wasn't as perfect as you thought.  If it was, then why would she heartlessly walk away from a 6 year relationship, and set up a life with someone new, in the space of less than a month?  Soulmates don't treat their partners with such callous disregard.

I've been where you are now, and know that you can put your life hold for this person, just waiting for a few crumbs of hope, which will never come.  If they do, it'll be on their terms, and it won't be because they've had a moment of clarity and realised that you’re their one true love.  This is no reflection of you.  :)on’t forget, if this person is a borderline, then they have very deep seated personal and relationship problems.

I appreciate that moving-on is very hard, particularly when you’ve been though idealisation phases, blaming, lying etc, as you don’t know where or who the hell you are anymore.

All I can say is try and set yourself some goals outside your usual life; be it getting fit, arranging a trip, start volunteering etc.  You may not feel motivated to do these things, but you need to give yourself a kick up the back-side to do something positive, to regain your confidence and to find the part of you that you gave-up during this relationship.

As for your age?  Forget about that, that’s just insecurity talking.  People start relationships at all ages.  Besides which, you probably won’t feel up to a new relationship until you’ve got yourself back on track.

Trust me, this person is not worth holding out for.  Remember they left you by the side of the highway (motorway here in the UK) and drove off into the sun-set (or so they thought).  If you see the reverse lights come-on, it’s probably because they’re going to back-over you, and not coming back to pick you up.

[FoolishMan]

I can only echo what oletimefeelin has said - you need to carry on with your life.

From the sounds of things, you're only focusing on all the good times that you had together, which will only serve to keep you thinking about the honeymoon stage of your relationship.  If you're honest with yourself, you'll see that your relationship wasn't as perfect as you thought.  If it was, then why would she heartlessly walk away from a 6 year relationship, and set up a life with someone new, in the space of less than a month?  Soulmates don't treat their partners with such callous disregard.

I've been where you are now, and know that you can put your life hold for this person, just waiting for a few crumbs of hope, which will never come.  If they do, it'll be on their terms, and it won't be because they've had a moment of clarity and realised that you’re their one true love.  This is no reflection of you.  :)on’t forget, if this person is a borderline, then they have very deep seated personal and relationship problems.

I appreciate that moving-on is very hard, particularly when you’ve been though idealisation phases, blaming, lying etc, as you don’t know where or who the hell you are anymore.

All I can say is try and set yourself some goals outside your usual life; be it getting fit, arranging a trip, start volunteering etc.  You may not feel motivated to do these things, but you need to give yourself a kick up the back-side to do something positive, to regain your confidence and to find the part of you that you gave-up during this relationship.

As for your age?  Forget about that, that’s just insecurity talking.  People start relationships at all ages.  Besides which, you probably won’t feel up to a new relationship until you’ve got yourself back on track.

Trust me, this person is not worth holding out for.  Remember they left you by the side of the highway (motorway here in the UK) and drove off into the sun-set (or so they thought).  If you see the reverse lights come-on, it’s probably because they’re going to back-over you, and not coming back to pick you up.

Great post.

[Tauriel]

I feel so sorry for you, hattrick. You seem to be a very good guy who deserve so much better. You'll pull through this and find someone worthy of your love.