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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: How her illness and this board have already helped a newbie  (Read 381 times)
Mercury2Pluto

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 22


« on: December 20, 2014, 12:04:16 PM »

To those who posted recently about schemas, thank you.  That was my first introduction to the subject and it has been very helpful.  While reading about it one thing in particular jumped out.  A pwBPD can experience the feeling that there is only the present, no past or future.  The only things that exist are here, now.  That helps me understand why when she was upset it always had to be discussed Now.  It couldn't wait until after work.  Or even for a 15 minute break.  She insisted on answers to her questions Now.  She had to know how I felt Now.

So learning about schemas helps me understand her better.  But most of all, it helps me understand myself.  I have learned that several of my schemas have a significant impact on my functioning.  This gives me hope because I didn't know what to change about myself before.  I started reading Jeffrey Young's book yesterday and I feel hope that I can work on these things.  This is the best thing that has come out of the painful situation and it brings me comfort.  I really want to find something positive about it.

Another thing about her illness that benefited me was mental health care.  When she was going through her worst time I researched mental health treatment options.  She later admitted that she should have been hospitalized during that time, but at the time was unwilling to seek care.  I learned about intensive outpatient care programs.  She wouldn't go, so I went instead.  I had become severely depressed to the point of becoming non functional.  I attended an intensive outpatient program for 2 months and it was wonderful.  I highly recommend it.  There was group therapy every day where I felt supported and safe.  The coping skills classes were full of useful new information.  It is comforting to know about this treatment option in case of a future relapse.

This situation has been both a mental health set back and also a step forward as I have learned so much about mental health that applies to me, that I may not have otherwise learned about.   
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 924



« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2014, 06:37:06 PM »

Good for you Mercury2Pluto!  Seeking the help of that outpatient program and knowing it's there if you need it again is great!  I found that it really helped my healing to recognise the positives that have happened with this r/s and subsequent BU.  It's easy to get lost in feeling the hurt and anguish but you end up feeling so powerless.  Finding the jewel in it gives you the power back.  I have been in therapy this whole year.  It has been the most life-changing year of my life.  Much of it has been so unbelievably difficult.  But I keep trudging on.  I've never been one to just give up so why would I now?  We can choose to let this r/s define us or we can choose to define the r/s.
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