last night was the worst night ever or maybe not

[Nortonio]

My girlfriend has seem to flip the switch on me and continues to be out of control. She is accusing me of things I have not done. And I feel like I'm losing my mind. She says everything is my fault your bad. You need to be the center of attention you don't know how to treat a woman. I have been with her for over two years. This is the worst of the cycle I have seen. She says I make her sick to her stomach and that she can't stand me. This all started Saturday night when she accused me of cheating on her and flirting when we were at a party. Its two days before Christmas and she has a boy that I adore who is 15 and see's what is going on. He has been begging me too stay at least through Christmas. I feel abuse and battered mentally. I couple of times last night she went too hit me. She didn't follow through but it was a very weird feeling. I have never been so hurt in my life. She seems to have no problem with what and how she treats me. Everything is your fault you have ruined Christmas and our relationship she takes no ownership in what she had done to us at all. I have begged pleaded that I did not cheat or flirt. Yesterday I did not engage at all and I paid for it when I got home. I went to my car twice to leave what makes us stay?It will never be enough and I see that this well always end up being  me. The guilt and the lose I feel in my heart is over barring. The damage that she has also caused on Facebook talking a bashing me to people who have no Idea who she is and what we are going through as a family just sickens me inside. She is making me out to be a monster and I'm not even close to that. My god please help me have the strength inside too get out of this dark whole that I'm in. Feedback please... .  :'(

[notdownyet]

Hang in there Nortonio.  Clearly you’re going through a very difficult period.

Christmas for some people, can be a very stressful time of year for one reason or another.  I think that this can be a trigger for some, particularly those with mental health issues.

By the sounds of things, you’re going through some serious devaluing and are being viewed as “all bad”.  On top of this, it also sounds like she projecting her insecurities onto you.  I appreciate that in these circumstances, that it’s almost impossible to put up a reasoned argument, particularly when faced with someone, who’s behaving irrationally and possibly out of touch with reality.

Whether she followed through, when going to hit you is immaterial.  The main issue is the intent, and the threat of violence.  In this sense, the damage isn’t visible, though it's just as destructive.

Whichever way you look at it, it’s abuse, and it’s totally unacceptable.

If your girlfriend is able to recognise and acknowledge her abusive behaviour, then there may be hope to bring about change.  If not, maybe think of this Christmas as damage limitation, and remove yourself from this situation, to be around good people, who’ll respect you.  Easier said than done, but look around on this forum, and you’ll find people who have taken this step – hard as it is.

Remember, this is your Christmas too, and you’re entitled to relax and enjoy yourself just as much as anyone else.

All the best

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Nortonio  . 

I understand how frustrating it is coping with devaluation and other confusing behavior. . 

The incident the other night must have been difficult.  There were serious boundaries that were crossed.

You mentioned that you did not engage with her yesterday.  Are you intending to have a conversation about the incident?

It sounds like you are really conflicted on whether to stay or leave.  Have you read the lessons on the right side?