Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
April 17, 2021, 03:42:48 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
204
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Soo many red flags that I ignored in the beginning.  (Read 1161 times)
Xidion
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 295


« on: December 23, 2014, 07:22:02 PM »

I regret ever getting involved with this girl. I think I overlooked the red flags because I had been crushing on her for a couple years., so when I finally got my chance, I was all in.

I was the replacement to her 3 year relationship and I knew this.

She played the victim in her relationship and I was her white knight. I wanted to give her all she said she wasn't getting from her current relationship (most likely all lies).

She told me she cannot live without love.

She wanted to be around me with every free second we both had. If we weren't hanging out, she was posting on facebook about how bored she was.

She told me she gets bored with people in relationships.

A mutual friend told me to be good to her because she is a good girl, when I told her what he said, she acted surprised and said, who said that?

She was admittedly a cutter. She immediately started talking badly about her ex and would make fun of him.

She was texting me as she was in the process of leaving her bf before me. She said she wanted to give him another shot. All it took to change her mind was me telling her bye. She said... wait, I left him.

The way she did me in the end is a carbon copy of how she did the guy before me in the end.

Why did I ignore all of these things? Why did I knowingly enter a relationship when she was leaving someone for me? What did I expect to happen? The same thing happened to me in the end. All it took was giving her a little attention at her work one day and she said I should add her to facebook. Then she left her bf of 3 years for me. I'm soo stupid. I blame myself for my pain. I never should have given her a chance, especially after all of the giant red flags. I guess I was desperate for love.
Logged

Splitblack4good
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 452



« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2014, 07:53:54 PM »

I regret ever getting involved with this girl. I think I overlooked the red flags because I had been crushing on her for a couple years., so when I finally got my chance, I was all in.

I was the replacement to her 3 year relationship and I knew this.

She played the victim in her relationship and I was her white knight. I wanted to give her all she said she wasn't getting from her current relationship (most likely all lies).

She told me she cannot live without love.

She wanted to be around me with every free second we both had. If we weren't hanging out, she was posting on facebook about how bored she was.

She told me she gets bored with people in relationships.

A mutual friend told me to be good to her because she is a good girl, when I told her what he said, she acted surprised and said, who said that?

She was admittedly a cutter. She immediately started talking badly about her ex and would make fun of him.

She was texting me as she was in the process of leaving her bf before me. She said she wanted to give him another shot. All it took to change her mind was me telling her bye. She said... wait, I left him.

The way she did me in the end is a carbon copy of how she did the guy before me in the end.

Why did I ignore all of these things? Why did I knowingly enter a relationship when she was leaving someone for me? What did I expect to happen? The same thing happened to me in the end. All it took was giving her a little attention at her work one day and she said I should add her to facebook. Then she left her bf of 3 years for me. I'm soo stupid. I blame myself for my pain. I never should have given her a chance, especially after all of the giant red flags. I guess I was desperate for love.

Don't beat yourself up I did the same our story's are very similar when I met up with my now ex to start with she told me she had been broken up with her current bf for a month I sensed something wasn't right I ignored her texts to see what she did and sure enough she said she got back together with him as she hadn't heard from me . The real truth was she never left him to start with ! Second time she contacted me was she sent me a text asking who's number is this ? I'm going though my old phone. She knew full well it was my number she had actually been split up from this guy for real this time. I ignored all red flags at the start so don't be so hard on yourself dude.
Logged
Infern0
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1520


« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2014, 08:13:26 PM »

Same story here bro,  red flags before,  thought it'd be different with us than the last guys she was with,  she even warned me that she always hurts people which I brushed off.

There were red flags the first time I layed eyes on her.
Logged
NonAverageJoe
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 125


« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2014, 08:26:09 PM »

I talked to mine for nearly two weeks on the phone and she kept brushing off dates and initiating until I finally said bye, she came up that night.

I was her longest relationship and most normal bf being older with standards and I still got sucked in but she spoiled me rotten.
Logged
Xidion
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 295


« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2014, 09:11:07 PM »

I feel so humiliated that I let someone control me like this. She made me believe her infidelity was my fault. Because I "didn't give her enough attention". It was always about attention with her. If I wasn't giving her attention, then I wasn't treating her good. Nevermind the buying her food, gas, phone,  shoes, any need, bringing her home flowers, taking her out on a date every week. She had a problem with me having friends over. She wanted it to just be her and I and that's it. She even asked me to give her a job at where I work (I'm the general manager) this is after she heard that I flirt with all the girls. Which isn't true. Man... .I'm so bitter. I need a punching bag. I want to glue her face to it and go to town.
Logged

Xidion
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 295


« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2014, 10:47:37 PM »

Another red flag. Within a month if being together, she wrote me a letter to express her feelings. She said she wanted a relationship like the "princess movies". That she knows it isn't reality, but that's what she wants. She also said in the letter that she wasn't shown the love that she needed when she was a child, and that's why she is who she is. She also was studying mental health in college. I wonder if she knows there is something wrong with her. She changed majors though... .maybe she is in denial.

Oh yeah, another red flag to me... told me she was raped and she is on depression meds.
Logged

HappyNihilist
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1013



WWW
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2014, 11:27:51 PM »

I'm soo stupid. I blame myself for my pain. I never should have given her a chance, especially after all of the giant red flags.

You're not stupid, Xidion.   Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up. You're human. She pushed all the right buttons for you. You loved her. You tried. Forgive yourself. 

I guess I was desperate for love.

This sounds like a very important revelation. Explore this more. Why were you desperate for love? And what does love look like for you?
Logged
Infern0
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1520


« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2014, 11:44:58 PM »

I feel so humiliated that I let someone control me like this. She made me believe her infidelity was my fault. Because I "didn't give her enough attention". It was always about attention with her. If I wasn't giving her attention, then I wasn't treating her good. Nevermind the buying her food, gas, phone,  shoes, any need, bringing her home flowers, taking her out on a date every week. She had a problem with me having friends over. She wanted it to just be her and I and that's it. She even asked me to give her a job at where I work (I'm the general manager) this is after she heard that I flirt with all the girls. Which isn't true. Man... .I'm so bitter. I need a punching bag. I want to glue her face to it and go to town.

Don't beat yourself up man seriously so many of us all fell for the same garbage. 

You will feel really ___ for a while,  then it'll pass.  After it passes you will realise that you have learned a whole lot about yourself and what you deserve from life. Then you get to work fixing yourself up and becoming better than you were before.

Your ex meanwhile is doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again.  With no real ability for self reflection and no real self worth. And when she's not ruining the people around her who are trying to help,  and the times she's sitting on her own she's going to realize that she's a terrible person with nothing good to offer.

You have had a tragic time, her entire life is a tragedy.

You'll be ok bro.
Logged
neverloveagain
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 227



« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2014, 01:46:17 AM »

Excerpt
The way she did me in the end is a carbon copy of how she did the guy before me in the end.

and thats how they roll period.
Logged
Xidion
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 295


« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2014, 02:08:45 AM »

I feel so humiliated that I let someone control me like this. She made me believe her infidelity was my fault. Because I "didn't give her enough attention". It was always about attention with her. If I wasn't giving her attention, then I wasn't treating her good. Nevermind the buying her food, gas, phone,  shoes, any need, bringing her home flowers, taking her out on a date every week. She had a problem with me having friends over. She wanted it to just be her and I and that's it. She even asked me to give her a job at where I work (I'm the general manager) this is after she heard that I flirt with all the girls. Which isn't true. Man... .I'm so bitter. I need a punching bag. I want to glue her face to it and go to town.

Don't beat yourself up man seriously so many of us all fell for the same garbage. 

You will feel really ___ for a while,  then it'll pass.  After it passes you will realise that you have learned a whole lot about yourself and what you deserve from life. Then you get to work fixing yourself up and becoming better than you were before.

Your ex meanwhile is doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again.  With no real ability for self reflection and no real self worth. And when she's not ruining the people around her who are trying to help,  and the times she's sitting on her own she's going to realize that she's a terrible person with nothing good to offer.

You have had a tragic time, her entire life is a tragedy.

You'll be ok bro.

I learned I'm codependant, which is a hit to the ego, but I need to confront it fullforce and fix it so I can meet someone with a healthy brain.
Logged

Infern0
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1520


« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2014, 02:16:49 AM »

I'm codependent too and yeah it sucks. That said being aware of it is 50% of the cure.

It doesn't even need to be a hit to the ego it's just a load of BS that was put in your head growing up.

Study up and work on fixing it. It's just learned behaviour and can be unlearned.
Logged
parisian
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 237


« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2014, 02:50:43 AM »

Excerpt
I learned I'm codependant, which is a hit to the ego, but I need to confront it fullforce and fix it so I can meet someone with a healthy brain.

Yep, do the work, understand why you are codependant. You really need to get to the bottom of how you learnt about communication and relationships in your childhood. Read, go to Therapy, keep a journal, examine your motives. Do that work and you'll be able to spot a BPD in future from 1000 miles away Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged

CloseToFreedom
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Seperated since nov '14
Posts: 431


« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2014, 03:58:04 AM »

Let's see, red flags in the first few months of my 4,5 year relationship that I've been out for a month now... .

- She had a previous bf that she dumped to be me with. After she dumped him, she immediately called me to talk about it.

- First date, she starts telling about what an ass her father is (who lives on the other side of the world with a new family), what an ass her stephfather is, and what asses her ex boyfriends were.

- She wanted to know and like all the stuff I liked. Music, movies, series. Mirroring.

- She was not mad that I wasn't over my ex, she wanted to help me with it. My ex cheated on me. She told me ALL THE TIME she would never cheat on someone, telling me what I wanted to hear (granted, as far as I know she never cheat on me).

- First week we hung out, she wanted to be with me every. single. day. When I wanted one day for myself, she started arguing and crying, being afraid I didn't want her anymore.

- When we broke up after a while, she started stalking me, constantly messaging and calling, standing in front of my door rining the bell.


The red flags became bigger after the honeymoon phase of course. But the above was just from the first few weeks. I should've known better.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!