Absolutely crazy about this woman, BUT

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

wondering if I'm setting myself up for a miserable life with her? Our relationship has been on again, off again for nearly two years now. We both are in our late 50's and truly enjoy each other's company. I've been the one to walk away from it now each (3-4) times now. This is the first woman that I ever wanted to introduce to my adult child and have been gaga over since my divorce 10 years ago. Early in our dating, she would call me in a huge panic, overwhelmed with cleaning her house and cancelling our date. And be mad because I didn't call her earlier to set the time. I've done lots of self-reflection and enjoy letting her know my true feelings and express them often. I love holding hands, giving complements, cuddling, but this all seems very foreign to her. After watching her rip into her family, I always justify my leaving with, "that'll be me someday" when the novelty of our relationship wears off. I've learned to put limits on her and her rage and know she can control it, as it has stopped with me.  I've come to the conclusion that I may have some sort of "rescuer" with her and not sure what to do. When she is with me, especially at my home, she appears to be fully relaxed and at peace with her "devil inside". This give me such great pleasure to see her like this. I'm very laid back, almost to a fault and she's "wound pretty tight" and makes me nervous much of the time trying too hard to be myself around her.

She would love to move in with me, but I'm not sure what to do. She admits to being a "cold b!#$h" and has no friends, but my circle too is very small. We think alike about things, to a point where it is almost strange. But she seems to have absolutely no empathy, along with many "rules". A strong opinion, few/no gray areas and I'm considerably more open-minded/tolerant. After helping her move/downsize, I noticed that she hoards a bit and has trouble making decisions that I think should be simple. I find myself being too wishy- washy around her and recently started wondering if she just needs someone to take charge and control of most everything. And if so, I have no problem taking on that role, especially if it helps.

Not really sure if I'm even asking a question here. Mostly curious if others think I should run the other way, fast?   

[SvenUffda]

wondering if I'm setting myself up for a miserable life with her? Our relationship has been on again, off again for nearly two years now. We both are in our late 50's and truly enjoy each other's company. I've been the one to walk away from it now each (3-4) times now. This is the first woman that I ever wanted to introduce to my adult child and have been gaga over since my divorce 10 years ago. Early in our dating, she would call me in a huge panic, overwhelmed with cleaning her house and cancelling our date. And be mad because I didn't call her earlier to set the time. I've done lots of self-reflection and enjoy letting her know my true feelings and express them often. I love holding hands, giving complements, cuddling, but this all seems very foreign to her. After watching her rip into her family, I always justify my leaving with, "that'll be me someday" when the novelty of our relationship wears off. I've learned to put limits on her and her rage and know she can control it, as it has stopped with me.  I've come to the conclusion that I may have some sort of "rescuer" with her and not sure what to do. When she is with me, especially at my home, she appears to be fully relaxed and at peace with her "devil inside". This give me such great pleasure to see her like this. I'm very laid back, almost to a fault and she's "wound pretty tight" and makes me nervous much of the time trying too hard to be myself around her.

She would love to move in with me, but I'm not sure what to do. She admits to being a "cold b!#$h" and has no friends, but my circle too is very small. We think alike about things, to a point where it is almost strange. But she seems to have absolutely no empathy, along with many "rules". A strong opinion, few/no gray areas and I'm considerably more open-minded/tolerant. After helping her move/downsize, I noticed that she hoards a bit and has trouble making decisions that I think should be simple. I find myself being too wishy- washy around her and recently started wondering if she just needs someone to take charge and control of most everything. And if so, I have no problem taking on that role, especially if it helps.

Not really sure if I'm even asking a question here. Mostly curious if others think I should run the other way, fast?   

[Samuel S.]

SvenUffda, there are so many red flags here along with the so-called calm waters. A friend of mine once told me that how a SO views and treats others is exactly how they will be with you, once you let your guard down, once and if you decide to make that SO a major part of your life. I decided to ignore what my friend suggested, and now, 14 years later, I am regretting not listening to my friend's advice. The main thing to remember is that if there are many red flags now, that they will be compounded that much more so, if and when you choose to be with that person more permanently. You will be wanting to stay away from that person more and more, and you will find more peace without her than with her. I am in this situation now, and I sincerely do hope and pray you have the courage to recognize the red flags, no matter how much you find yourself immersed in her goodness. It is a lure, an enticement, which will rapidly fade with time unfortunately! Most of us nonBPDs have gone through similar situations like you, and we have ambivalent feelings, too. No matter what, your life matters with your peace being the top priority. Take care, my friend! 

[SvenUffda]

Samuel S.,     This advice is exactly what I'm yearning for and hope I hear more, either side of the argument. I'm guilty of "thinking too much", and likely why I'm still single after 10 years now. Many men are "fixers" and I can relate, but too want to have a "finished project" with all the effort. I feel so sorry for her. I have my issues too and am a binge gambler when I'm unhappy. Thanks again for you input.