Intro

[Kygirl]

I have a stepdaughter 41 yrs old with BPD who is also an alcoholic.

She had been diagnosed with bipolar and ptsd and been medicated for about 17 Yes or so.i am convinced it's BPD.She lives out of state,thank god, but is considering moving back here.i recently sent her a book on BPD and dialectical therapy workbook as well as. American of lady therapist I found in her area.although she's been on medicine she's had very little counseling thru the yrs.

Recently,6 months ago She became a first time grandmom.She has yet to meet the baby,as her daughter,doesn't want her around the newborn drinking, and is herself,just Coming to terms with her own issues from being raised with a BPD mom, and doesn't need the drama associated with having her mom in her daily life.She read the "walking on eggshells" book and said it helped her tremendously to not feel guilty or crazy about setting her own boundaries.As she herself had tried suicide twice before getting pregnant and is now on medicine herself and a new mommy.

I've joined the group for support.Due to the critical nature of making sure my granddaughter is well,I and her are on the same page of not wanting the BPD in our lives till she has had counseling and or is sober for a year.

The drinking amplifies the BPD - and although I don't care if she drinks,I do care if she drinks while with me,in my home, and or calls drunk or texts drunk.i also Support granddaughters decision to not let her mom be around baby or her drunk.

My stepdaughter depends on my forgiveness and her daughters, and as long as we forgive and have her in our lives,nothing has changed or improved-so therefore we have adopted the new stance.i plan on contacting her in 7 months,(per my boundary of her getting therapy for a yr) and vow not to be sucked back in- have relations till she indeed can keep to my boundaries of not drinking around me)

I miss her but have liked not having her continual chaos in my life,and seeing how it has helped my granddaughter stay sober herself and not be depressed.

I hope to learn from this group- thanks for listening

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NorthernGirl]

Hello Kygirl and welcome 

I'm sorry you are dealing with all the challenges with your stepdaughter. It sounds like you have set up some good boundaries, and having an impact on your granddaughter. Thank goodness she has you in your life.

I have a stepson who is an addict and has mental health issues (diagnosed with anxiety and depression issues). His mom is likely BPD. My husband and I have come to realize we can't change his mom, but it is difficult to watch the impact she has on SS22. She enables his drinking/using drugs, rewards him with gifts when he does as she asks, etc. But we have set up some good boundaries (he can't live with us unless he has been sober for an extended period, is in counselling, etc.) and that really helps.

What behaviors have you believing she has BPD?

We certainly have lots of information on this site, and the people on the Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board can provide you with ideas and support.

Please keep posting and let us know how we can help.

[ennie]

I am a stepmom of a daughter of a BPD person, and want you to know that your choice to limit contact seems very courageous to me.  You seem to have made this choice out of concern for your stepdaughter, her children, and her grandchildren, which is hard and thoughtful choice. I hope we can provide the support you need here, and want you to know that your compassion and care for your stepdaughter is evident in your choice. 

Good luck,

Ennie